7:00 pm

What a great surprise!! As I was sitting watching the Olympics last night, I heard my name being called. To my surprise, there was Gitta down below! She's here on holiday for 2 weeks. She said she had faxed me, but I hadn't picked it up from the school. She asked around at Donde about me and got all sorts of rumors -- that I had left and such. Annelies overheard her questions and told her where I lived. How funny. I'm so happy! I've missed her! We were out at Donde until 4 am last night. I had been at Pinky and James's until 1:30 for dinner and drinks. That was really nice. A very good day, really. Realized that I had friends! I'm sure Gitta's presence will "force" me to go out more. I suppose that's good. Just have to watch the expenditures. But I've been doing well. I have to realize that it's worth a $2.00 investment to go out and be with people. For example, I'm sitting outside at Gallerna right now. I should do this more often. Just one drink, though. I went into work today and wrote letters and read the paper. Herbert finally came in at 1:00. Gave me a Communion to edit, then said to take the afternoon off. But what about pay? He said we'll get paid for the weddings tomorrow. Someone called with a complaint about one of the weddings I edited. So what am I doing wrong? I thought that one turned out pretty nice. Shit. I get so discouraged. But you know, it just doesn't matter. It's not like a parent complaining in BH. This is transient stuff. I can walk away at any time. And hey! I'm in Spain! So fuck it!

I can't believe all the garbage on the beach and in the water here. Gross. It's been so hot lately. I want to go to Expo! Or Morocco. Or Detroit.

9:00 pm

I've been "cautiously up" lately. It's a shame that I have to qualify everything. Of course I'm still in a state of flux. I've actually been feeling a little better at work, but I don't know what next week will bring. Not much work to do. Will they still pay me? 'Course not. Maybe they'll pay me on the 31st, though. I think I do need to stick with it. I was thinking of looking into teaching English. I do miss teaching. But I don't know how easy it would be. Pinky seems to think it would be difficult without working papers. But what does he know? "Things have always worked out in the past." De's been pretty down about things. She's contemplating leaving. Actually, my conversation with her last week was my first in English for a while. I went out with Danny, Kiko and Rafa Friday night. We just went to the bar around the corner, but it was okay. I would've liked to have gone to Torremolinos. We did look through some Spanish gay magazines and talk gay subjects and jokes. I do need that from time to time. Rafa came up to my apartment after a while. I know I felt a bit of sexual tension in the air. But we just talked. I suppose if I were a little more borracho, I would've made a move. Even though I don't like his teeth. He's a nice guy. And something probably will happen between us in the future. I've got a feeling. Then I think, hmmm... is Bob fooling around? Shit. That unpredictable future. Two other girls I know here told me today that they're leaving. Hmmm. But I'm successful here, right? How do I define success? Friends more than money of course. Weather more than money. But friends more than weather? What kind of wacky definition is that?! Success is an inner contentment. That I haven't found. "Still haven't found what I'm looking for." Maybe it's further down the costa. We did another wedding yesterday. It had absolutely no coordination. Another frustrating Monday tomorrow when we discuss the results and the problems. Annelies is back. I'm glad. We took a bike ride to the market yesterday. But we're always speaking Spanish. I need to switch to English to really tell her what's going on in my life. I'd like to see Yop. We should get stoned together. Just the two of us. I wonder if Rafa gets high. My thoughts are all over the place tonight. It's because I haven't written in a while. And I'm mildly stoned. María's pot's the sleepy kind. I hate that. I've been watching the Olympics. Of course, I now feel I'm being anti-social. All these expectations that I think I need to live up to. Stuuupid! ¡Disfrútate! I do feel that I can live my life pretty freely here. Then why didn't I tell Pinky that I prefer to "ogle" hombres? He was commenting on the girls passing by. I'm listening to the cool Sat/Sun. night music program they have on Canal Sur Uno. David Sanborne right now. I feel I need to write to Bob tonight. I've been thinking about money. (Oh really? How novel.) Will I get $600/month or $800? Say $250 on rent, then $350 left ($11/day!) or $550 ($18/day.) But then, I need to save some, too. Air fare, other major purchases. I don't want to touch that $5000 in the bank. God, I've already spent $13,000 of my inheritance! And I just want to travel more! Man, I don't even have $5000 in the bank. More like $4000. Ouch! Okay, no going out all this week. (Unless....) I am determined to start pinching pesetas.

1:50 am

It's great when things "happen." Yes, sometimes you have to make them happen. They don't happen when you stay home every night! Elisabeth invited me to a fiesta tonight. Turns out there was none, but we went downtown instead. On her moto. I forgot how fun it can be! The great music at Casa del Conde. The music I remember from Salsa in February-April. At Salsa, I ran into not one, but two people I knew Karen, from England, who's back in Málaga on holiday. And Antonio, the friend of Barbara's. I told him I was working now, but didn't have many friends here now. He took my work number and said he'd call me for the Feria. How cool! So much can happen if you "just do it." And to think I was planning my escape earlier. I still don't know if I can last past November, but we'll see. Friends would make the difference. I was drying my hierba on the terrace today. The bowl got knocked over and I had to retrieve the marijuana leaves from the suelo. Goofy. I bought a TV today. Yay! I feel like a human being again. Watched a bit of "Alf" and "Moonlighting." In Spanish, of course! I think it will prove to be worth the $220 investment. Hey, I'm getting pretty excited about the Democrats' chances this November. Wouldn't that be great? I do feel sorry I'm missing it, though!

3:50 pm

I know I shouldn't let things get to me. But I'm not so thick-skinned. Yesterday, I was talking to Elisabeth about the future. I said that I have no idea what I'll do. One day I think one thing, the next, another. I said I plan to stay here until April or May and go back to the States and take classes for a Master's in the fall. But, I added, ask me tomorrow and things may have changed. Today, after getting frustrated again at work, I want to run away again. I think that I'm wasting my life here. I'm struggling financially, socially, professionally. If I were offered my job back at Bloomfield Hills, I'd take it. I know I have to stick it out. I am learning Spanish. Slowly.


11:30 pm

This is my life. I'm sleeping on an "army cot." All my possessions in an apartment the size of a dorm room. The shower is so small that my back rubs against the shower curtain because of the placement of the hot water tank on the wall. I have to turn it on 20 minutes before I take a shower so it'll be warm enough. And, of course, water goes everywhere. I have to mop up after every shower! And the sink leaks. I have to tell the manager. How do you say that in Spanish? The stove was acting up this morning. Gas kinda exploded when I lit the burner. Endearing qualities of this place. I sleep with a can of Raid by my bed. They've never heard of screens here.

Elisabeth brought me some marijuana leaves from María. How fun! Yes, I feel okay now, but it's only after a couple of glasses of red, red wine. Makes me forget. I managed to write a few more postcards and letters. Over 30 so far! I do have a lot of friends. And I am thankful for that. And yet, I feel very lonely. Strange life. But I live strange. It's so hot tonight. I took a cool shower, but I don't know if I'll be able to sleep. I've been sleeping with wet towels - literally. I want to work early tomorrow to beat the heat. It was hell from 4:30 - 8:00 pm today. ¡Que calor! What an experience life is! Choose wisely. Don't be afraid to change your mind, though. Every day, every person, is an adventure. ¡Solamente hazlo!

12:40 am

La, la, la. Not much of a day. By the time I got out to Fuengirola, it was 12:30. And I had to catch the 2:15 train back. They don't have the flea market there on Saturdays anymore. So I laid on the beach a while. The water is much cleaner there. But not worth the 550 pesetas round trip train fare. Summer weekend rates! Paco and I videotaped a wedding today. Didn't use lights. It'll probably look like shit. Herbert'll be pissed. Bernardo too. Fuck 'em. I'm not taking this job seriously. I want to go to the flea market in Málaga tomorrow and maybe ride into the mountains. Don't feel like going to Donde tonight and have no other offers!

4:15 am

I had such a good time tonight. But I must admit, I'm glad to be home in bed now. ¡Que sueño! Elisabeth yelled up to me at 11:00 pm and asked if I wanted to go out with her and other neighbors. I had been planning to go out, but I didn't know if I'd go to the gay disco or Donde or not. We went to a flamenco concert in El Palo. It was fantastic! I guess I'd have to compare it to American blues. Torch songs, really. Lots of emotion, and the audience really gets into it. Rafael, the friend of Kiko and Danny, was there, too. We talked all night. In fact, I spoke nothing but Spanish all night. How fantastic! Afterwards, we went to a small bar near here. A very nice night. I didn't spend any money, either! Tonight I felt I was really absorbing the Spanish culture. I think Elisabeth and I were the only guiries at the flamenco. Rafael's a nice guy. Maybe there's romance in the future. The really cute guy that lives next to Fernando was there, too. I thought he was British, but he's Spanish! Didn't seem gay tonight. At least now I can talk to him. The older woman above Annelies, Matilde, was there, too. We've always exchanged "holas" but never really talked before. This is a great neighborhood. I'm feeling so much better about "things" right now.

2:20 am

I had to write. Not that I could sleep, what with all the clanging. I guess the Virgen de Carmen is returning to her church. What a surreal night. A mini-Semana Santa. Now I'm sitting in bed, listening to Ella and Louis as I try to record everything. So I took a bike ride to El Palo this evening to buy some UM-2 (C) batteries for my speakers. I came across a large throng of people lining the streets. I ran into 2 girls I knew, Christiana and I can't remember the other one's name. They said it was some procession for the patron virgin of the fishermen. Yeah, right, whatever. Anyway, Lorenzo and Ingeborg from Alhambra Instituto were there, too. I stuck around for the mini-procession. The Virgin was hoisted by about 40 guys. Little girls dressed in their flamenco dresses were all around. I heard they were transporting the virgin to a boat, but I didn't wait to witness the final outcome. I had batteries to buy! However, on the way back home, I ran into "Jeckel and Hyde" De. (You never know if she'll be hot or cold.) This time she was very talky. I told her of my shit going on at work. A German couple she knows stopped to chat with us also. Then we noticed a gathering of people all around us. And before we knew it, there again was the virgin herself! How did she get to Pedregalejo? Anyway, this time I did stay to see her loaded onto the rowboat, flowers and lights adorning it. Other boats, similarly decorated, lit the evening with red flares, and fell in behind the Virgin on a nautical journey. I went home. Around midnight, I went back to El Palo, where there was a band playing out beyond the carnival that was set up on the beachfront. Oh, how I love carnivals! I thought of the Blue Water Festival! Algodon dulce! Anyway, I ran into Yop and his father. He left soon because they're going to Expo in Sevilla tomorrow. I loved watching the little girls dancing the Sevillanas. Incredible. I have to re-learn how to dance that! After a very frustrating 10 minutes of trying to get a beer (I hate having to learn how to be RUDE!), I went to Donde. Along the way, I couldn't help noticing all the activity at the restaurants and the little kids still going strong at 1:30 am. Spain! The stamina of Spaniards is incredible.

(Had to take a short break to "Raid" the bugs.)

So then I ran into De and Ingra at Donde. De was pretty rude to me. I'm not sure what her problem is. I saw Manolo there, too. He remembered that I had gone home to mi país, but thought it was Germany - and then half a dozen other European countries before I told him I was American. He was surprised. I don't sound like an American, he said. He's probably comparing me to De. She is a true embarrassment hearing her speak Spanish! So anyway, on the way home from Donde I ran into the Virginal procession again. Men marching with oars. Some really strange stuff. Along the beachfront restaurants were occasional shrines to the virgin. The processioneers would yell out, "¡Viva la Virgen de Carmen!," and the crowd would yell, "¡Viva!" "¡Arriba la Virgen de Carmen!" "¡Arriba!" Then they would mumble something very quickly and everyone said, "Guapa. Guapa. ¡Guapa, guapa, guapa!" in a chant-like fashion. So many stimuli here!

// "Moonlight in Vermont" is playing. It's almost 3 am and I have to work tomorrow! 'Night! Hey! I think I needed this day. It picked me up out of my depression. (Somewhat)

// I have to credit De with a good line tonight. All night we've been hearing loud blasts of fireworks, but couldn't see anything. De and I were yelling to each other from our terraces. She said it's typical Spain, "You hear it, but you don't see it." Yeah, they promise you the world, but rarely follow through.

10:00 pm

Stoned again, naturally. Stoned Alone! The current films playing in my mind. I got stoned with Herbert at work. Not "out of your mind" stoned. But enough. He's a really interesting guy. He's from Uruguay. He's a drummer in a jazz band. Lives down the coast in Marbella. I think he's a friend of Jesús Gil, the politician. Seems like there's a lot of past lives in him. Anyway, I wish I could talk to him more. So much of what he says to me I miss. I got paid today. Only $800, not $1400. I'll have to fight for that money. It's what we agreed to. Herbert says I'll get paid $800/month at most. I'll have to think about finding other work. I was so depressed today. I want to get out of Spain. Don't know where I'll go exactly. I called Matt today, while stoned. I said, "Matt, I'm stoned!" He whispered, "I'm at work!" I said, "That's the best part, so am I!" I miss having my friends to hang out with. Lonely, lonely. Yeah, I'm in Spain. So what? I'm not with my friends! Wait a minute. I think Herbert told me that one month out of the year, he does nothing but sit and smoke 3/4 kilo of pot. Now, I did some rough calculations. Is that an ounce a day? He sounds like he has a good life. // I'm reading about such fun things, such as (I think) John Sununu getting booed off the Democratic Convention floor while working for CNN. Funny stuff. People seem to think the Dems have a chance. The party's over for George Bush. They have been, of course, going directly to the center with the platform. Don't rock no boats now! But, they need to do what they need to do to get elected. Then they can change their minds like all good politicians.

GOD, I LOVE MUSIC! I have Laurie Anderson in my ears! I haven't really jammed with my music much yet. I still don't have batteries for the speakers I bought for the CD player. I've been using the little speakers, but now I have the headphones on! Great. I'm sitting on the terrace. This should be paradise, Mike. You can make it paradise, y'know. You just have to "get back in there, boy!" Experience life. Remember Maude! Oh, yeah! That's right. Donna had asked me if I were able to contact her. She said that Maude would love to know what I'm doing. True. I wish I could contact her. Man, you can hear so much more music when you have speakers in your ears. Or when you're stoned. But BOTH is almost musical overload! I probably shouldn't have it on so loud. My ears are bad enough already.

Shit. I could be in Minneapolis tomorrow night picking up the NFLCP award for BHC. But that's half-a-world and a lifetime away from me now. Sad in a way. "What next, Big Sky?" I know a lot of people envy me. But they don't know about the down side. The lonely times. The frustrating time!

11:00 pm

I'm still feeling very confused about the job and all. Still haven't gotten my check. ¡Mañana! Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should still look into freelance opportunities. Somewhere I can make some real money. Maybe further down the costa. Of course, now would be the time. Tourist season. Vamos a ver. I just want things to keep falling into my lap. I didn't work this afternoon. Nothing to do! So I went to the beach instead. That would be the life. Working from 9 - 2:30. Or perhaps 3 - 9 pm. I am getting used to taking a siesta in the afternoon. It's going in to work twice a day that I don't like. Oh, I found out that basically, Mitchell and Andrés are out. Great. Maybe Mitchell and I could start a side business. There's still teaching English. Ingra, one of the Dutch girls, is teaching English! That should be easy enough. Time to diversify. I miss Annelies. She's still in Holland. I've been extremely anti-social lately. Not doing nothing with no one. I took a bike ride around town tonight. Into some really nice areas -- Miramar and Limonar. Looked like Beverly Hills. I rode along the beach and saw the moon rise over the sea. How romantic. How lonely.

12:30 am

Let's see. Last night I went to a dinner party at Pinky and James'. They're part of Annelies' extended circle of friends. Yeah, I felt out of place most of the time. I'm overwhelmed by big crowds. I couldn't really participate in the conversations. But later, when there were only 5 of us, it was much easier. I could really talk to people then. It was nice. Pinky, who's a 60 year-old man from Pakistan, made a great international meal, including curried beef, rice, and Indonesian fried shrimp things. I talked quite a bit with Fernando, the lawyer (Fernando Abogado), who lives in my apartment complex. Found out with some certainty that James is gay. I haven't talked to Kiko and Danny yet. Went to Torremolinos today. I love the gaudiness of the place! I ran into Yop at the train station. I need to invite him over to get high. Soon. I'm writing 25 - 30 postcards. I had a pretty nice, lazy day. I have no idea what's going on at work this week. I need my check! I talked to Bob yesterday. He's not coming back. He's fallen back into that world of "reality." House, work, family. He won't be able to pull away. I think of him all the time. I'm pretty much being a loner lately. I don't know why that bothers me. Well, yeah I do. I complain about being lonely and I don't make an effort to get to know people. To risk more. I've been reading "Video Night in Kathmandu," and really getting an urge to travel in Asia for 6 months or something crazy like that. Crazy? Moving to Spain was "crazy." It's certainly do-able. I have to get Jenny here. That would be cool.


10:50 pm

God, I love it here. And I hate it here. I'm sitting on the terrace. Under the full moon. The lights of the city and the mountain towns in the distance to my right. Drinking beer. Eating dinner. I stopped several times along the beach on my ride home tonight. Incredible, the beauty here. The colors. I wished I had had my camera, but why? It could never be captured in a picture. The mountains, the sea, the moonlight, the sunset. Indescribable, really. But what am I thinking of now? Leaving. About how I could transport all my stuff back to the States in November when I go back fro Matt and Elizabeth's wedding. Of how disappointed Jenny would be.

Herbert and I went out for a beer after work today. He told me I can not expect to earn what Mitchell told me I would. I should be lucky to make $800/month. Yes, I could live on that, but my balloon was burst. All the fantasies I had of "making it big." I guess it's not all for naught. There are still many positives. I guess what hurts is that Mitchell's not being honest with me. I suppose I can't get attached to people. He helped me out. But now, it looks like he's out of the picture. Cast him aside. Take up with the winners. Herbert is a winner. I do like his no-nonsense style. He knows how to work with people, and how to work with the system. So, now I don't know what to think. On the one hand, I'm deeply disappointed. But still, things are so much better than I had envisioned before coming here. They still want me to work there. So it might be hard work, long hours and little pay. But what the hell did I expect here in España? So chin up, mate! You don't have to retreat in November. You can stay here, making decent money if you want. If you're willing to work for it! That's just it. I so wanted it all to just happen to me. I don't want to work! I want the dream to be real!

Change subject. I loved it when I went to Torremolinos yesterday. They got new trains on the Málaga-Fuengirola run. So touristy. LED message boards that display the time, temperature and upcoming station (although it's often wrong - Spain!) in Spanish and English. Vivaldi playing on the speakers! Tinted windows! Too funny. Not at all as I remember. I do love Torremolinos. The way I love Las Vegas. So much going on. Something for everyone!

2:00 am

I had to write. Too many stimuli! You could do quite a case study of this area. From.... The two British guys in the last apartment on the left. They arrived -- one bringing an overnight bag. On my way out, I noticed a candle in the bedroom window and low voices. I wish I had lingered! On the way back, perhaps I did walk by slowly and perhaps I temporarily stopped, just beyond the window, long enough to hear the word "relationship" amongst the low, gravelly rumble, but not quite long enough to hear the gender of the pronouns. To.... Bar Donde. A place that I've been to dozens of times in the past 5 months, the last time being a month ago. I was shocked to recognize not a soul, except the workers. Not even anyone I've seen before. Amazing the turnover rate here. I stayed for a beer and eavesdropped on the basic language groups. English seemed to predominate, edging out Spanish as it usually does. But there still seemed to be a strong German contingent lurking about. I was aloof, alone, just soaking up the atmosphere of this trendy international hotspot. Children of conservatism mingling under the patio palms, discussing such hot topical tropical topics as how hot it was today, what time shall we hit the beach tomorrow, and have you learned that damned subjunctive tense yet?? Yes, pretty as a postcard, and just about as deep. Inside, the ubiquitous fat chicks, excuse me, chicas gordas were getting down to "Good Stuff" on the dance floor. Encircling the bar and in small groups of three, were the singles and singles with couple friends, trying a different approach. Haven't mastered Spanish yet? Shut up and dance! Moving on to.... Walking along the beach. Tried to call Bob, but all circuits were busy. "Spain!" he spat. The moonlight on the Mediterranean, rippling through the unusually warm night. The ubiquitous (can you use that word twice in the same journal entry?) The ever-present couples kissing on the benches along the beach. Magical, really. Why are some people blessed with such beauty? I guess the same reason some people themselves are blessed with beauty. Hmmm. Anyway. Along the main drag -- Juan Sebastián Elcano, the place where real Spaniards like to hang -- hanging they are. Onto each other, out of doorways of cars and bars. So many people! Where do they all come from? What do they do for God's sake? Professional partiers? And finally.... Here alone in my little studio apartment. Well at least it's bigger than De's. I think De's getting a little fed up with my good fortune. "I don't believe it," she says to me. "You go off to America and come back and find a place just like that." I reminded her that 5 weeks ago we were both putting off looking for a place to live. Figured it would all work out in the end. And here we end up neighbors once again! De, teaching English classes, has had to struggle a lot since she came here in January -- about the same time as me. When I tell her about the great job I found the first time I looked in the paper, the friends back home offering me their cars and homes for my visit, the apartments I've found by fate, she says through a clenched smile, "How lucky you are!" I had gone to the apartment manager before I left, inquiring about a place that was becoming vacant. He said I'd have to take my chances on whether it might be available when I came back. Annelies advised me to go ahead and take the apartment -- and pay an extra three weeks' rent -- to assure I would have a place on my return. I rolled the dice and won. Meanwhile De moved in to the smaller apartment, with the hopes of looking at the other (my) place when it was available. I walked in one step ahead. Well, she does pay a little less. Small consolation, I suppose.

Backpedal! So here I am, writing on my apartment terrace, on a hill above the noise of the busy street with the expanse of the Mediterranean beyond. So much happens here! One half-hour excursion results in so many tastes of life. Actually, I was already lying on my bed, so close to closing the day, at 1:00 am. By 2:00, I had gotten cleaned up and dressed, walked out into the candy store of life, experienced a little of this and a whole lotta that, and retreated back into my observation post once again. Just another story of the night.

4:00 pm

Man, I get so lazy. Blame it on the heat. I haven't been working a lot these past days. Not much to do. But I still haven't been paid, so I haven't been able to buy the things I need. And I haven't been cleaning. Haven't gone to the beach. Haven't gone out at night. What the hell have I been doing? I don't know, but I'm kinda enjoying being lazy. I've tried calling Bob a couple of times with no luck. Shit, I miss him. I don't know what the job prospects are for Jenny or Alyssa, but I hope something works out with someone. I met this British guy, David. We haven't talked much. I need to visit Danny and Kiko more. De visited yesterday.

10:00 pm

I'm sitting on my terrace enjoying a beautiful evening. I take in the sight of the harbor and the mountains beyond and I'm intoxicated. I'm also taking in the smell of marijuana wafting up from below. I hope it's coming from Kiko and Danny's. I'd like to get high with them. I miss getting stoned with my friends. I'm reading an anthology of short gay essays. As well as a book on travels to Asia. I wish I could train myself to read more.

I still haven't gotten paid. There's so much that I want to get for the house. I only worked 5 hours today. I'd like to keep it that way. If I could still live off that amount. I've been thinking a lot about Bob. I tried calling him last night, but he wasn't home. I really want him to come here. Life could be so good! Well, life is so good, but it could be even better. Damn mosquitoes. I should've bought some spray. I think I'm going out with Annelies later. She leaves for 3 weeks in Holland tomorrow.

5:30 pm

I'm sick of work already. Probably because a) it's lost its novelty, and b) I don't have much to do right now. Plus, I've got other things to do, like clean my new house and buy things for it. It's really not so bad. Everything fits fine. The terrace is rather big. Annelies will lend me her patio furniture. I love having my music! I can't stand the shower. Pluses, minuses. I had dinner with Annelies last night and afterwards, the gay neighbors were dancing in their living room, so we joined them. How fun! Then I stayed and talked a while. Yay! New friends! Gay friends! I did really well with my Spanish, I think. So much to look forward to here! I need to call people with my new address. I want to talk to Bob! I still haven't been paid yet. They owe me $1400. We haven't talked about my new salary yet. I'm still spending too much money -- $15 for lunch yesterday. I'll think I'll go home for lunch from now on. Only a 10 minute bike ride along the beach! I have to really be careful with my bike. Everybody's really eyeing it! Oh, I ran into Mitchell's cute brother-in-law yesterday. Juan Miguel? He's so nice. Told me he's off to Pamplona for the running of the bulls. I also ran into the bride and groom from Saturday. I'm so bad at names these days. Nice, too. Okay, Danny and Kiko are the guys below me. I met Pinky, Gerald and James on Saturday at Galerna. I work with Herbert. Rafael is Kiko and Danny's friend.

8:20 pm

Wow. Just like last time I arrived in Málaga. So much happened in the first 48 hours! On Saturday, Annelies introduced me to some of her friends. One or two could be gay. They're English and Spanish, all speak both languages. They invited me over for dinner next Saturday night. Should be fun. I went to Mitchell's finca for his brother's postponed wedding reception. I was feeling rather negative about it at first. I felt taken advantage of because he expected me to videotape. And I felt uncomfortable not speaking Spanish well enough. I sat with Andrés' brother and his friends. We didn't talk a lot a first, but after I put the camera down and we all had a few drinks, we became fast friends. I was getting very tired and jumped at the chance to come back to Málaga with Mitchell at 4:00 am. But "the guys" talked me into staying and going out with them. We went to Lemon, but couldn't get in. I met another friend of theirs who is learning English. We agreed to meet today at the beach, but I couldn't find him. I don't even know his name, but he was kinda cute. Lots of potential. Almost all the guys last night were good-looking -- and single. I didn't get in until 7:00 am. Got up at 1:30 pm. But I'm making friends! It's great! I decided to take the apartment here. Annelies and De are here and at least two gay men. That's nice. Once again, things are really looking up. I'm thinking of buying a TV tomorrow. And small speakers for my CD player. Now I'm locked out of Annelies' apartment. I forgot my keys. Frustrating. I just want to be settled in my new place. Although I don't know where I'll fit everything! And I want to get so much more stuff.

10:30 pm

I am fighting hard to stay awake right now. I can't believe how tired I am. But Annelies is washing the floor and I have to wait for it to dry, of course. Shit. It's probably best to stay up, though. Get my body adjusted. I managed all right getting here from the airport. Mitchell wasn't there. In fact, I still haven't gotten ahold of him. I don't especially want to go to his party tomorrow anyway. But I should. Maybe Annelies will go with me. Anyway, I took a taxi to the bottom of the hill where I live and then leapfrogged my baggage up the slope. I looked at a studio apartment available here. It's so small, but it's only $230/month. We'll see. I just want to get settled. And I could stay there for 3 months and then move if Bob, Jenny or Alyssa come. I rode my bike down the beach today. I loved it. Yes, it was worth the hassle!

5:00 pm

I can't believe it's over already. I barely got a chance to write in my journal. I hate that. So much has happened. It's been a fantastic 2 weeks. We had a great party at Karen and Rick's last weekend. Played and played. So much fun. I forgot about how much fun my friends and I have when we're together. I miss them! Everyone was so great to me. I borrowed Barb's and Jane's cars, stayed at Matt & Eli's and Karen & Rick's. They spent so much money on me! Patrick had people over for a barbecue. I really am lucky! And I'm not ready to go back yet. I'm trying my best to get excited about it. But I must admit that I really love this country! The conveniences! Fast food. Shopping. Cars. Television. The easy life. So difficult to walk (or fly) away from. I'm in Chicago now. Waiting. We've been sitting in the plane for 2 1/2 hours, waiting out a storm, and now the long lines of planes ahead of us. I managed to get here from Detroit and run downtown to the Spanish Consulate this morning to get my "working papers." I also have my bicycle in tow. That will be so nice to have in Málaga! And my CDs! I am looking forward to finding an apartment, but I'm anxiety-ridden about the job. So much to do. Pressure. It's always there. Frustration, too. But, I need to go for it! Just Do It! I will succeed! It will be fantastic! Jenny is pretty sure of coming in October. Alyssa wants to come, too. I talked to Bob last night. He's still thinking about it, but didn't sound overly positive. So I continue on - alone. One day at a time. Enjoying the ride. The experiences! I've spent too much money these past two weeks. $1000 on the flight. $200 on clothes. $100 on books. Probably another $100 on other stuff. Oh, $250 on a CD player and CDs. The check for $9000 from my dad's estate has shrunk fast. So I'm not as rich as I had hoped. I hope I can make $2000 - $2500 a month at work. That'd be nice. Mitchell might pick me up at the airport in Málaga. Otherwise, it'll be a major pain to transport my stuff. Sabena Airlines has the worst music selection on the headsets!