12:30 am

Let's see. Last night I went to a dinner party at Pinky and James'. They're part of Annelies' extended circle of friends. Yeah, I felt out of place most of the time. I'm overwhelmed by big crowds. I couldn't really participate in the conversations. But later, when there were only 5 of us, it was much easier. I could really talk to people then. It was nice. Pinky, who's a 60 year-old man from Pakistan, made a great international meal, including curried beef, rice, and Indonesian fried shrimp things. I talked quite a bit with Fernando, the lawyer (Fernando Abogado), who lives in my apartment complex. Found out with some certainty that James is gay. I haven't talked to Kiko and Danny yet. Went to Torremolinos today. I love the gaudiness of the place! I ran into Yop at the train station. I need to invite him over to get high. Soon. I'm writing 25 - 30 postcards. I had a pretty nice, lazy day. I have no idea what's going on at work this week. I need my check! I talked to Bob yesterday. He's not coming back. He's fallen back into that world of "reality." House, work, family. He won't be able to pull away. I think of him all the time. I'm pretty much being a loner lately. I don't know why that bothers me. Well, yeah I do. I complain about being lonely and I don't make an effort to get to know people. To risk more. I've been reading "Video Night in Kathmandu," and really getting an urge to travel in Asia for 6 months or something crazy like that. Crazy? Moving to Spain was "crazy." It's certainly do-able. I have to get Jenny here. That would be cool.


10:50 pm

God, I love it here. And I hate it here. I'm sitting on the terrace. Under the full moon. The lights of the city and the mountain towns in the distance to my right. Drinking beer. Eating dinner. I stopped several times along the beach on my ride home tonight. Incredible, the beauty here. The colors. I wished I had had my camera, but why? It could never be captured in a picture. The mountains, the sea, the moonlight, the sunset. Indescribable, really. But what am I thinking of now? Leaving. About how I could transport all my stuff back to the States in November when I go back fro Matt and Elizabeth's wedding. Of how disappointed Jenny would be.

Herbert and I went out for a beer after work today. He told me I can not expect to earn what Mitchell told me I would. I should be lucky to make $800/month. Yes, I could live on that, but my balloon was burst. All the fantasies I had of "making it big." I guess it's not all for naught. There are still many positives. I guess what hurts is that Mitchell's not being honest with me. I suppose I can't get attached to people. He helped me out. But now, it looks like he's out of the picture. Cast him aside. Take up with the winners. Herbert is a winner. I do like his no-nonsense style. He knows how to work with people, and how to work with the system. So, now I don't know what to think. On the one hand, I'm deeply disappointed. But still, things are so much better than I had envisioned before coming here. They still want me to work there. So it might be hard work, long hours and little pay. But what the hell did I expect here in España? So chin up, mate! You don't have to retreat in November. You can stay here, making decent money if you want. If you're willing to work for it! That's just it. I so wanted it all to just happen to me. I don't want to work! I want the dream to be real!

Change subject. I loved it when I went to Torremolinos yesterday. They got new trains on the Málaga-Fuengirola run. So touristy. LED message boards that display the time, temperature and upcoming station (although it's often wrong - Spain!) in Spanish and English. Vivaldi playing on the speakers! Tinted windows! Too funny. Not at all as I remember. I do love Torremolinos. The way I love Las Vegas. So much going on. Something for everyone!