7:45 pm

So I really don't know. Herbert was telling me again about how things are looking up. He really wants me to come back -- even if Tecny Video Profesional no longer exists. He said he might be somewhere else, but could still use me. The future of TVP itself looks bleak. As long as I get paid tomorrow. But I really would think of coming back here if I could be sure of earning at least $1000/month. Then it would be worth it. And if Jenny still comes... Well, we'll see. Once again.

Tomorrow's my last day! Yay! I can't wait to be free! It would probably be good to get away from Carlos, too, before I go out of my mind. I've developed quite an attraction for him. And tonight, we smoked some hash together. Ooh, look out! Dangerous! But he has a girlfriend. I just can't keep my eyes off him. What a body!

Remember punks? No, not the skinhead kind, the mosquito repellent sticks. (The poor man's sparklers.) But they were really playthings for pre-adolescents. I remember burning holes in paper with them -- spelling out your name in charred paper cut-out. I'm burning an incense stick right now and I was just burning a hole in some paper. Memories of childhood. Funny what sparks a memory. Sometimes sound -- a favorite song; sometimes sight -- children playing at the beach; at other times it's a smell -- burning leaves; or a taste -- homemade chocolate chip cookies!

I'm watching Madonna's "Erotica" video. This must be causing havoc in the States. It's so much more explicit than that other one 2 years ago. I remember watching it in Kevin and Ron's room at Saugatuck. Why can't I remember the name? Not "Like a Prayer." Oh well. "Erotica" is pretty incredible. Rather explicit lesbian porn. Nothing wrong with pushing the envelope. I mean, American mores towards sexuality are so behind Europe. I suppose "Sexy Mother Fucker" by Prince isn't getting airplay, either. Banning books.

It's time to sit and think. About the future. Where I'm going. Where I'm at now. How exciting!!