2:00 am

This is what I consider a nice night. I had stayed in -- watching the news, reading, writing letters -- until almost 1:00. Then I got dressed and went out to Bolivia/Donde. Saw several people I knew (but not the ones I wanted to see -- Joel or Tomas), then came back home at 2:00. It feels good that I know people, though. Mostly transients, however. Now I'm home listening to Laurie Anderson and eating pound cake. Perfect. I had thought of going to the feria, but decided not to, Too expensive, y'know. I did wander around the day-time feria today. It's really great, just observing. Seeing horses tied to buildings on narrow streets, probably as they were 100 years ago. And the dancing in the streets. I'll have to go again tomorrow. Last day.


11:50 pm

Why do I have such an inferiority complex? I'm so amazed that Joel has taken such an interest in me. Do I think I'm not worthy of his friendship -- just because he's got money, a great job, good looks, friends in high places and an outgoing personality? Maybe he really likes me. Who am I? Sally Fields? Why is it so hard to believe? I have the same complex, of course, with my Spanish. I think it's so bad that no one would be able to stand listening to me. But I do get a lot of encouraging words. Why don't I believe them? Why am I so guarded? Why shouldn't people like me? Or want to hire me? I'm reading another self-help book, "The Road Less Traveled." I do need some therapy. I can examine myself only so far. Now I need another point of view. I did nothing today. Okay, I did go through a Spanish TV production manual. I thought it'd be helpful if another job opportunity comes up. I just watched the fireworks from my terrace. Nice. Why couldn't they have been there last time, so we wouldn't have had to scramble at the last minute! I've slept a lot this weekend. I needed to catch up. The nights have been much cooler lately -- even needed a blanket. But the days are still 95°.