Thursday, February 27, 1992


11:15 pm

I had a good day. Jeannet and I climbed a mountain. Everyone thought we were crazy to try, but it was easier than we thought. It was fantastic. A great view! And it was fun! Something different. I'm glad she went with me. Now I'm about to go to Bolivia. I hope the others are there. I expected them to come by here first. Andre hasn't even been back after his Sevillanas class. Tim's at La Paloma with some Spanish friends. I know I should join them for a drink. He's offered so many times to get me to speak real Spanish with real Spaniards. But I back away. Oh how I hate that! It's the only way I'll learn! Even at Bolivia I don't talk with the Spaniards. I'm staying in my cocoon. I've got to break out! Potential, Mike. Live up to your potential! Don't back down now. I'm still feeling left out and I'm missing my friends. I need a security blanket right now. No. What I need is to let go of my security and take more risks! I need to keep going ahead. Don't rest. I feel better today. Finally getting over my cold and sore throat. Just in time to go to Cádiz for Carnaval tomorrow! I hope I survive this -- two days with no sleep.

Tuesday, February 25, 1992


(Tuesday) 12:10 am 25 February 1992

Weather still sucks. It rained most of the day today. I hate it. I'm really sick, too. Bad cough and I'm always congested. Now my stomach's bothering me. I went out and bought an electric heater today. It's great. I'll finally have a good night's sleep! I really need to be more outgoing. Get to know people better. Meet more people. A lot of our group is leaving at the end of next week already! How sad. The girls came over after class and we played cards. It was a nice thing to do on a rainy afternoon. Tonight, Andre, Tim and I ate together. That was nice, too. I went out to Bolivia to watch Andre, Ronnie and Jorg play pool. That's where I was feeling lack of potential. I should be talking to Jorg. I should be playing pool, not watching. I should be meeting people, practicing my Spanish. But I just sit there. And it's frustrating being next to Andre like that. I can try to blame it on being sick, but I really need to take control. I'm settling in again. Getting really comfortable -- lazy. I'm not challenging myself.


9:00 pm

I've been down lately. I've been sick, the weather's been bad, but it's also that I'm really missing people. I've been thinking a lot about Bob Johnson. Wondering if there's a future for us. Together, I mean! I think it's fallout from the disappointment I feel about Andre. I guess I'm feeling frustrated and lonely. Maybe thinking about Bob will make things better. Or worse. I don't know. I'm feeling a bit left out here, too. I'm not participating in class. Steffi's brother and sister are staying here and everyone was speaking German. I say it doesn't bother me, but of course, it does to some extent. I hate feeling left out. Like an outsider. Like I usually do. Yeah, yeah. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Mike. I suppose I've come to the point of a letdown from the initial high. Things are not so "new" anymore. They're a bit routine now. At least the weather was nice today. Sat out on the terrace for a while.


11:50 pm

The others went out to Bolivia. I stayed home. I still don't feel well. My stomach hurts. Of course, I haven't really eaten anything today. We were playing Pictionary, earlier. It's pretty fun playing with an international group. they don't know many of the words. And of course, Andre is funny as usual. And the running joke is drawing Denmark and going on from there. Mette started that when trying to do Siberia! We played "Saugatuck rules" Uno yesterday - a speed version some friends of mine made up. Both Tim and Andre and the other girls have said that they don't like Jeannet so much. That bothers me. Of course, I get along fine with her. I hate to think of people being left out. I don't like not having a telephone. I meant to call Bob tonight, but now I'm in bed and I'm not going out. I need to write more letters, too.
(Tuesday) 12:10 am 25 February 1992

Weather still sucks. It rained most of the day today. I hate it. I'm really sick, too. Bad cough and I'm always congested. Now my stomach's bothering me. I went out and bought an electric heater today. It's great. I'll finally have a good night's sleep! I really need to be more outgoing. Get to know people better. Meet more people. A lot of our group is leaving at the end of next week already! How sad. The girls came over after class and we played cards. It was a nice thing to do on a rainy afternoon. Tonight, Andre, Tim and I ate together. That was nice, too. I went out to Bolivia to watch Andre, Ronnie and Jorg play pool. That's where I was feeling lack of potential. I should be talking to Jorg. I should be playing pool, not watching. I should be meeting people, practicing my Spanish. But I just sit there. And it's frustrating being next to Andre like that. I can try to blame it on being sick, but I really need to take control. I'm settling in again. Getting really comfortable -- lazy. I'm not challenging myself.


9:00 pm

I've been down lately. I've been sick, the weather's been bad, but it's also that I'm really missing people. I've been thinking a lot about Bob Johnson. Wondering if there's a future for us. Together, I mean! I think it's fallout from the disappointment I feel about Andre. I guess I'm feeling frustrated and lonely. Maybe thinking about Bob will make things better. Or worse. I don't know. I'm feeling a bit left out here, too. I'm not participating in class. Steffi's brother and sister are staying here and everyone was speaking German. I say it doesn't bother me, but of course, it does to some extent. I hate feeling left out. Like an outsider. Like I usually do. Yeah, yeah. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Mike. I suppose I've come to the point of a letdown from the initial high. Things are not so "new" anymore. They're a bit routine now. At least the weather was nice today. Sat out on the terrace for a while.


11:50 pm

The others went out to Bolivia. I stayed home. I still don't feel well. My stomach hurts. Of course, I haven't really eaten anything today. We were playing Pictionary, earlier. It's pretty fun playing with an international group. they don't know many of the words. And of course, Andre is funny as usual. And the running joke is drawing Denmark and going on from there. Mette started that when trying to do Siberia! We played "Saugatuck rules" Uno yesterday - a speed version some friends of mine made up. Both Tim and Andre and the other girls have said that they don't like Jeannet so much. That bothers me. Of course, I get along fine with her. I hate to think of people being left out. I don't like not having a telephone. I meant to call Bob tonight, but now I'm in bed and I'm not going out. I need to write more letters, too.

Sunday, February 23, 1992


I've been re-reading the last 3 months of my journal to see where I've been, where I'm at and where I'm headed. It's really an incredible story. I've been on the terrace all day. It's sunny, but very windy. Clouds are moving in again. I should do some homework, but I really need to write. My life has been so fantastic lately. Never would I have been able to predict all that's happened. And it just gets better. I'm so glad I have today to myself. It's important for me to have time alone. The others went to Ronda today. I stayed in last night because I'm sick. My cold has gone to my chest. No fun. I'm still thinking about Andre. When If. How. I'm feeling apprehensive about getting together to talk with María José. Why? It's another great adventure. One that will result in many positives. Like maybe finding a job.

Saturday, February 22, 1992


11:50 pm

We rented a car and went to Ronda today. It was very beautiful, but also very cold. I have a cold that I got Thursday and I was feeling pretty miserable. I went with Ronnie, Uli, Jorg and Harold. Tim, Andre and the girls are going tomorrow. I must say I felt out of sorts on the drive home when they were all speaking German the whole time. Yes, I would have preferred going tomorrow with the others, but someone had to be bumped. It's okay. I'll enjoy the time alone tomorrow. This weather has been so shitty. I didn't come to Spain for this! I'm staying home tonight instead of going to Bolivia or Salsa. I need to take it easy. Last night, we were at Bolivia, but I was so out of it. I really don't make any effort to meet new people. I just sat most of the night. But as long as Andre's there, I'm content. Does that sound sappy or what? Man, the way he looks at me still gets to me. And the things he does. He insisted on buying on me one last beer last night, then left when I decided to leave, even though he could have stayed with the others. He's a good guy. Tim is too, although he can be a scheizkoft. He's such an egoist, while Andre always is concerned about everyone else. I'm fantasizing about him quite regularly. Probably not wise. I'll be so hurt. Jorg was being pretty friendly last night. I just wish he spoke better English. Or Spanish.

Friday, February 21, 1992


2:30 am

More good stuff! María José wants me to help her with her English. And of course, it will be helping my Spanish at the same time. Private lessons. Free. Good deal. Plus she said she'd talk to the owner of the school about their plans for a video lab. Sounds ideal. Could it really pan out? What a fantastic opportunity! I'm glad I went to Salsa after all!

Thursday, February 20, 1992


7:30 pm

I'm starting to get obsessed with Andre. That's not good. I just love him. He's such a nice guy. He plays soccer. I've always adored soccer players. Little things make me wonder if he might be gay without realizing it himself. He didn't really react to a gay joke that Tim told today. And I always catch him looking at me. Last night I mentioned that the lover of a friend of mine died of AIDS and he seemed very pensive afterwards. I can't get obsessed. It would hurt our relationship. But I do see some potential there. Jorg is probably gay, too. He's been getting close to me lately, but I feel uncomfortable with him because neither his English nor Spanish are very good. He is pretty cute, though. And young! Last night "the girls" came over and we made a pasta dinner. It was so much fun. Reminded me of college days. We talked about so many things. I love it. We got so silly (we did have 6 bottles of wine). We talked about what we should bring to class for Lorenzo and Paul's birthday. We had so much extra pasta and salad, we thought of bringing that and saying it's a Danish or American tradition. Or to bring a dead dog -- the one across the street who barks all the time. Or a "birthday niño" -- the little kid who drives his noisy motorized truck all the time when we're trying to sleep or study! Andre suggested giving the dog "fried spoons." He meant to say fried sponge. When he eats it, it expands... We had a good time despite the horrible weather. It rained all day. The waves washed over the beach. We watched from La Paloma where we went for lunch. That was after Andre taught us all the Sevillanas after class. This is a great group of people. Today, after class, we had a paella dinner which Lorenzo cooked. It was fantastic! Some people danced while it was cooking. Harold played his sax. Then we all went to for coffee and stayed for 2 hours playing games in a circle. (Clap, clap, one, two, clap, clap, two, eight, etc. -- in Spanish of course, and all hands on table mixed up and tap in order -- two taps reverses it, and "seven bang.") Losers had to sing a song or do a dance. Craziness! What fun we have! Then people were telling jokes in Spanish. I'm so fortunate to be here. People are going out to Bar Salsa again tonight. I don't really want to go. I'd rather have people over here again. But I'll probably go. I hope the weather gets better. This is shitty -- cold, wind, rain.

Tuesday, February 18, 1992





1:30 am

I love it! We had people over to our place tonight. Much better than spending money at the bar anyway. We sat up on the terrace drinking wine, listening to Spanish music and talking. About so many things. Soccer, movies, travel, work. I brought out my map and everyone showed where they lived. Then we started in on bullfights. Tim is very supportive of them, while Andre and Jeannet are very against. Everyone else has varying degrees of disdain. We talked about government regulation and popular support. Then we moved on to the death penalty where Andre and Jeannet were for it and Tim and I were against. They said that since Holland has such liberal laws, they are forced to support it because otherwise killers can get off easily. I argued about not always having absolute proof that someone is guilty. It was a very good discussion. I brought up "The Thin Blue Line." Andre brought up a case in Holland where a child-killer got out in 5 years. It was great. We then moved on to the Gulf War, Iraq, then back to bullfighting, the government and its role, the ozone and CFCs, abortion, political correctness, feminism, Nazism, David Duke, back to bullfighting and the death penalty, and finally ended up with religion. Fantastic! Andre, Tim and I stayed on for an hour and a half after everyone else left. God, I wish I could have recorded it. These different cultures mingling. Every once in a while, two or three people would break off onto a side topic -- sometimes in German. Cool! I was watching Andre's shadow on the wall as he was talking and imagining making a film or video. God, there's so much! I love this life! I went to Torreblanca last night to see the gang. It's nice to see them, but this is where I need to be. I talked to Matt and Elizabeth yesterday. I want them to be here!

Saturday, February 15, 1992

5:00 am

I really like Andre. I mean, I really like him. Maybe my mission is to get him to come out of the closet. I don't know. Yes, he does talk about girls all the time. And he is very "good" with them. But then again, he's an actor, an entertainer! He's used to putting on shows. Is it all an act? He's the perfect stereotypical gay man, for God's sake! Plus he has a receding hairline and balding crown. But really, he seemed so uncomfortable tonight -- and last night for that matter -- dancing with girls. María José was trying to get him to dance, and while he would for a while, he seemed mostly to brush her off. Tim, on the other hand, left with her and her friends to go to another bar. Andre thought that we were invited, but then realized that the rest of us weren't when María José waved good-bye. He seemed disappointed. But of course, I was happy. I had hoped to get him alone for one last drink, but Mark decided to join us. Doesn't matter. we had a good time talking. About drinking games, mostly. Anyway, I need to let him know that I'm gay in the next 6 weeks. Shouldn't be too hard. Then we'll see how he responds. Jorg, in the other class, is gay, too, I think. But he may be too young to realize it. Like Andre. He's 27, but probably doesn't have a lot of experience. We had a good time tonight at Bar Salsa. Jane - my friend from Michigan - will love it there. I can't write anymore. I need to sleep!

Friday, February 14, 1992

1:30 pm

Last night was so much fun! First, I went for a long walk at sunset. I walked along the beach to El Palo, a very busy neighborhood with shops, restaurants and lots of people out and about. It was great. Real life Spain. Kinda like where I'm living, too. A very loud street -- kids playing, dogs barking, motorcycles passing through. Tim, Andre, Steffi, Jeannet and I met three of Steffi's friends downtown last night. We went to 3 bars -- each one very different. I talked quite a bit with one of the German girls (Olina?) She's moving to Chile to work for a German Third World relief agency. We're both at similar places in our lives. She was great. I wish I had gotten an address in case I'm ever in Chile. We ended up at Bar Salsa where we danced and danced. It was a great group of people. I love the "big city" feeling. Although I was looking at the people interacting and realized that I could be in any city in the U.S. Chicago, maybe. Not Detroit. But so much going on from place to place. It's the way to live life. Tonight, our instructor, María José, is coming over to teach us how to dance salsa. I'm really lucky to be living with Tim and Andre.


8:15 pm

Idle thoughts and remembrances: One of the German girls told me last night that their Spanish school is looking to update their video recruitment tape. I've got to get over there and see what's up. Andre last night bought a rose from a street vendor and wanted to give it to Steffi. She didn't want it, so he got down on his knees and was chasing her around the bar. She was so embarrassed. It was so funny. Andre is a performer at Spanish resorts. That's why he's so outgoing. I'll say. The Germans really seem to enjoy talking to me. They can improve their English. Winter break is starting back in Bloomfield Hills. Where's that? // I love the action of this neighborhood. I swear it's straight out of a movie. Constant commotion. People chattering as they walk by, motor scooters, kids running by, dogs barking, ladies visiting in the streets, the sound of bottles clinking behind the restaurant down the street, someone playing guitar. ¡Fantastico! Andre is staying until April 9th. I could stay here until then -- only $4.00/day, $150/month. He says he may even be working in the Málaga area after April. Cool. I could sit on the beach forever. As it is, we have class until 12:30 and then can spend the whole afternoon at a beach-side cafe or on the beach! Evenings are for partying late. I'm drinking a lot more here! Every night. I just wish it weren't so damn cold in here at night. I hate that.

Thursday, February 13, 1992

5:30 pm

Wow! Life gets more interesting. Andre has moved in with Tim and me. They are the two best Spanish speakers in class (and the best-looking, too!) We try to speak only Spanish in the house. Very difficult for me, but very necessary. They're both really good guys. Only drawback to this place is that it's frickin' cold at night! I slept with all my clothes on and still froze. I suppose I'll get used to it eventually. I just hope I don't get sick. I woke up with a sore throat this morning. It has a great terrace from which you can see the water over the next house. The beach is literally steps away. The school is two minutes, too. It's fantastic. With Andre here, it's only $150/month! Fantastic. I have the downstairs larger bedroom. Tim has the small one upstairs, off the terrace. Andre is sleeping on a covered terrace -- where laundry is usually hung. It works great for everyone. Fate! I went out to Bolivia last night with some of the guys from class. Talked quite a bit with Ronnie and Andre about travel, languages and life in general. I'm learning so much! Experiencing so much! It was really difficult leaving Dave and Gitta. Of course, I'll visit then still! It's a temporary loss of security -- which will result in growth! This is a great neighborhood. Mostly families. Lots of dogs barking all the time. Great sun exposure! I think I'm gonna like it here! ¡Que vida! I'll certainly pick up a lot of Spanish from the locals and maybe a bit of German, too. Perfecto. I know I'm rambling, but there are so many feelings. So much to express. Our landlady, Vittorina, is the cutest little old viuda. She's always got a smile on her face. I just wish I already knew Spanish better! It'll come. Be patient. Study hard! Enjoy the experience. Harold is another really nice guy in class. Isn't this what life's about? Sharing experiences with each other. People fascinate me!

Tuesday, February 11, 1992

8:45 pm

Life changes so quickly sometimes. A chance meeting, small talk. This new guy, Tim, was looking for an apartment and roommate. I told him my situation and said I might be interested. We had a couple of beers at a cafe while waiting for the landlady to return. He's a really cool guy. We talked about traveling. About life in general. I figured he'd be a good person to live with. He speaks Spanish very well -- and I can pick up some German, too! Anyway, we saw the apartment and it's nice. A lot of room, but a bit dingy. But it's right behind the Paseo Maritimo and two blocks from the school. So I agreed to it. It'll be nice being close to the other students. And Tim will introduce me to the locals, too. My Spanish will improve dramatically. If I want that to happen, I have to leave Torreblanca. I'm getting too secure here. It's holding me back. I'll really miss them! I have tears in my eyes. Leaving friends is so hard! I have to remember the fox in "The Little Prince." My friends will always still be there!

Monday, February 10, 1992


8:00 pm

I enjoyed the first day of class! It will definitely be a pain in the ass to get on the 7:10 train every morning. Classes start at 8:30 -- and today I was twenty minutes late. An 1:40 commute! I should be able to make it by 8:30, if I hurry from the train to the bus -- a 10 minute walk at least. Anyway, we took un paseo around the neighborhood. Stopped at a bodega for some wine-tasting -- at 9:30 am! Then we stopped at a cafe for desayuno. Great start to the day. Got a chance to talk to some classmates, too. Several are German, 2 are Dutch, one Swiss and one Danish. I'm going to miss out on a lot being here in Torreblanca. They seem like a partying group. I'll have to stay in Málaga a few days. I hope they can come out here one day, too. There's one really cute outgoing guy named Andreas. He's an entertainer. He's been performing at various resorts in Spain. Too cute, but seems to be straight. Harold seems very nice, too. Potential there. I'll see how the week goes before I make any decisions on if I should stay here or move into student housing in Málaga. They have 5 guys in one place. That'd be a drag. I like my privacy. I'm bummed that I won't have my morning sun on my terrace. I like both instructors. It'll be a great experience, I'm sure. I really wish I could pick up the phone and call my friends! I miss sharing things with them! // I'm still spending too much money. I finally bought some meat today! Things can be so intimidating. I have to remember that I rule! I can do anything! Have confidence!

Saturday, February 8, 1992

4:30 pm

I just finished reading "Transitions." It's a very motivating book. And motivation is something that I need right now. I need to know that I'm doing the right thing. I need to trust myself and my instincts. I need to focus on what I want -- what makes me happy. I want to retreat now, but I mustn't. I have to continue forward. It's so hard for me to be focused. I get distracted so easily. Even while writing this, I stop and think of other things. I think, "There's so much to do," but I don't do it! I have to remember to take one step at a time. It's a process. There won't be one thing that will solve all my problems. meeting Dave on the plane was wonderful, but that was just one step in my journey. "There is no finish line." I've got to keep moving forward, not back. Don't stop in the middle of the road while crossing. You'll end up like the poor confused squirrel. Road kill. Yes, you can do it, Mike. You will be successful. But it will take both time and energy. No shortcuts allowed!


10:45 pm

I'm stoned in Spain! Listening to Billy Bragg! Life is good. I just wish my friends could be here to experience this. I just called Alyssa. I can't wait for people to get my letters 10 days later. I want to share the excitement! I've been really up this evening. I know things will continue to be great. (The train is rumbling beneath me.) I like this "New England" that I've found. One of the reasons I chose the Costa del Sol was because of it's high English population. I have the experience of living in England without the dreary weather! God, it makes sense, doesn't it? Choose the best of all worlds! Maybe we're all destined for something. The question is: will you realize it and go get it? Follow your bliss! I can't think of anywhere else I should be right now than in Torreblanca del Sol, Spain, overlooking the Mediterranean, stoned, listening to Billy Bragg -- and recording it for posterity. My apartment is over "the club" and they're being pretty noisy tonight! It's the "real" bar in the pueblo. They have a TV, pool tables, etc. But Dave and Gitta's place, "La Posada," has character. An Anglo-Spanish "Cheers." I wish I had a camcorder. That's what I need to pursue next. Go out and get it, Mike! Have faith. It will work. You'll make it work! You have in the past. Fate is guiding you. Let the creativity flow. Be entrepreneurial. Find a void and fill it. It can work. You've got the skills, the common sense, the people skills. Sounds easy, doesn't it? It's the self-confidence that's the hardest part. That's what I need to work on to make it happen. I have to truly BELIEVE this pep talk I've written. Read this over and over and over!!


11:00 pm

I wonder if I lived in England in a former life. I have such a strong feeling for Victorian England. Dickens. Mary Poppins. Maurice. I just love it. I must have lived it. I think I was fairly successful. I can see myself in top hat and tails, lamb chop sideburns, walking briskly through the winter's cold. Or maybe it was just a movie I saw once. Or maybe "A Christmas Carol" in high school really influenced me. It's fascinating. // I need to call Lark tomorrow. I never got ahold of her before I left. I try to imagine my friends' reactions when they receive my letters. I hope they're so excited. I hope I can convey some of the excitement I'm experiencing! It's too much for one person. It has to flow over to them. // I want to be an entertainer. A musician, maybe. Or an actor. Or a politician. I want to be in the limelight. I want people to admire me. This is very heady stuff. It shocks me that I'm writing it. It's really revealing something about me to myself. Maybe a writer, eh?

Friday, February 7, 1992

7:00 pm

I felt really down today. Missing people. Feeling lonely. So I went for a walk to sit in the sun and read. Just 1/4 mile up the road from here is a gorgeous spot to watch the sun set over the mountains. This place is incredible. As I was sitting there, reading, along comes this horse up the lane, panting. He stopped by, I petted him and he was on his way. Very peculiar. Very different. Yes, this place is that. Very different. I found an English-language radio station. Music's not as good as Canal Sur Uno, but at least I can understand the news. I went to the market in Arroyo de la Miel today. I bought a ton of onions, potatoes, garlic and oranges. Haven't figured out kilograms, yet! I'll never eat them all. Well, maybe the oranges. I wish I had a TV with Sky TV. The Winter Olympics begin tomorrow. Never satisfied, am I? I looked at some of the villas with fantastic views and thought that would be cool. the smell of burning wood is heavy in the air around here. It's very nice. It's a magical place. I saw an ad for camcorder rentals in the paper. I need to check it out. I'm sure it's expensive, but it would be a good way to see if there's any interest. I could put an ad in the paper or something. Man, I have this obsession to work! No. Rather to make money! I know I need to in order to stay here. And I really want to stay. I've been looking at ads for apartments to rent and even to buy. Perhaps some day. I'm really antsy. So many thoughts are going through my head. Should I take the $10,000 from the sale of dad's house (when/if it ever comes) and "go for it" over here? Buy video equipment, a Macintosh and try to set up a business (albeit illegal)? Should I pursue teaching English? Expo '92? The Olympics don't appeal to me right now. I'm only supposed to stay in Spain for 6 months of each year, but hell, they didn't even stamp my passport. I'm not even officially here! They did take my landing card, though. It'd be a drag to get things rolling and then get thrown out of the country! Ah, but Mike, let fate take control. It'll happen. It'll work out. Believe!!

Thursday, February 6, 1992

10:00 am

I had some rather strange dreams last night. in one, I was getting ready to move to Spain. I was at my dad's house trying to get everything sorted out. I had forgotten about this or that. I was panicking. Similar to real life, actually! But then I had to run to school -- I think it was Bishop Foley -- to finish some things. I was directing a play and our rehearsal area wasn't available. I was leaving that day, but the play wasn't until the weekend. I gave all the kids hugs. Then I was backstage at another play. I think I had just returned from Spain. Donna, Maureen Zack, Sari Shapiro and Janet Savoy were there. I still didn't know who had gone on to second interviews fro my job, but there wasn't time to ask. Everything was so rushed! All three dreams were very hectic. Last night was Gitta's birthday party. It was fun. There was a Spanish couple, Paco and Loli, and their little girl, Veronica who was singing and dancing flamenco all night. Gitta told Loli that I spoke Spanish, so my skills were tried. I don't think I did very well. But she was very nice. When introduced, she came over, shook my hand and offered her cheek for me to kiss. I didn't quite expect that, and said, "Gracias" or something! But now I know the custom for the future! There was a retired British couple there, too. Barbara and Wally. Everyone's so nice. I met a neighbor yesterday while we were on our terraces. I'd love to stay here. Even though there aren't people my age! I'll have to meet some of the Spanish guys who play basketball on the Paseo. Or those who play tennis near here. Oh, another dream I had involved my friends here. They somehow had gotten ahold of my letters and translated then into Spanish for me. How strange.

Tuesday, February 4, 1992

10:00 am

Here I am again, feeling like I should be doing something. Well I am. I'm enjoying breakfast in the sunshine on the terrace. Why do I think I need to be reading or writing, too? I have a need to do more than one thing at a time. Enjoying breakfast with my thoughts should be good enough!

Monday, February 3, 1992

8:30 pm

I figured out a new budget. I can live on what I have until the end of April. Three months. Then I'll have to find work of get out of here. Why am I thinking about this already? Can't I just enjoy what I have right now? Why the concern for the future? Things will happen as they happen. Doris Day sang it best. Que será, será. I might even get tired of this after three months. I'm already antsy. No TV, no newspapers, few friends, no dog. I'm glad Minka and Lady are part of the group. But really, at times I'm just restless. I don't feel like reading -- it's too cold in here anyway. I must get the heater fixed. I do like listening to the Canal Sur Uno radio station. Good mix of British, American and Spanish pop and new music. I probably should read the "Teaching English" book that I have. there I go again. Trying to work when I should just be experiencing this "neutral zone." I miss my friends! Yow. Only gone 4 days. It was sunny and 70° today. I hope that keeps up. But it still gets cold at night. I froze last night. I even slept with my clothes on and 3 blankets! I feel good today, though, even without much sleep.

Sunday, February 2, 1992

12:40 pm

One of the things I enjoy so much about Dave and Gitta, as well as the others I met last night, is that they're so real. It's cute the way Dave teases Gitta and she's embarrasses by his actions. Like when he put on Dweezil Zappa after we were listening to the very soothing sounds of Out of Africa. I, of course, wanted to hear Dweezil, but Gitta thought it was not appropriate and begged Dave not to put it on. And just joking about farting from the lentils and talking about feeling fat. It was just like being with my friends. They are my friends. Perhaps, I even knew them in a past life. I'll take a walk to Fuengirola today and come back for a drink at the bar.

Saturday, February 1, 1992

1:30 am

I have to write! It's been just over 24 hours since I left Detroit and already my life has changed so much! I met this guy, Dave, on the flight to Málaga. I was supposed to sit by this fat woman, but Dave agreed to change seats so she could sit by her husband. I found out he was a tour manager. He knows Ozzy Osborne, Duran Duran, Wham, Elton John, Led Zeppelin, Dave Edmunds, Jeff Beck, Adam Ant, Level 42 and Frank Zappa! He was coming back from seeing frank in California after an aborted tour with Ymengme Malmsteen. Anyway, we were talking on the plane about my decision to move to Málaga. He was very supportive. Said he knew I would do well, etc. It was so nice to hear that. He said he truly believed in fate and that he was meant to sit by me to encourage me! Maude! I told him about Maude and the movie "Harold and Maude." He said the only other time he switched seats on a plane was to save a guy's life. The drummer on the Wham tour in China was possessed and stabbed himself on the plane to Beijing, but Dave pulled the knife out! Anyway, he asked if I was staying in Málaga and I said I think so. He talked about how smarmy it can be and was thinking (I think) about having me stay in Torreblanca with him and his Norwegian girlfriend, Gitta. But he didn't -- yet. Near landing he told me to take a good look out the window because I was embarking on a great adventure in my life. Hell yes, I was! I asked him for his address so we could keep in touch and he said he could find me a place in Torreblanca for $60 a week! I, of course, accepted! Gitta, Dave, their dog, Minka and I drove back down the Costa del Sol highway and stopped at a German pub in Fuengirola. Had a couple of drinks and went back to their place. While Gitta prepared "dinner" -- open-faced sandwiches -- Dave and I went to get some champagne from their bar. Did I mention they own a bar?!? It's a tiny place overlooking the Mediterranean. I was so stunned. It was incredible. Just perfect! So we had a beer and talked. He showed me his Frank Zappa and Level 42 pictures. Gitta eventually had to came up to get us. We went back to their apartment and had some food and wine. It was so nice! I still can't believe it all happened! Then they took me up to their friend's place (he's in Saudi Arabia.) This place is paradise! Oh, I forgot. Dave's a healer. He's into crystals and stuff. We talked about that for a while, too. I hope the future stacks up to the present!


8:00 pm

I wandered about town a bit today. Bought some groceries. Found the train station -- only $35.00 for a monthly train pass including Málaga and back. I could really stay here instead of living in Málaga for the 4 week class. We'll see. I called Bettie and Matt. I told Matt all about Dave and Gitta. I'm about to go down to a party at their place. How cool! Fate has control of my life. I'm just going along for the ride. And enjoying it!