3:20 pm

Man! I'm starting to swing again. So I've been thinking ... maybe I don't want to come back to Málaga. Frustrations at work, lack of good social outlets. I don't know. I just can't seem to get it together. There's something so appealing about being back there. There? Where? I always want to be where I'm not. How come? Today's downside comes from not feeling good at work. Language thing still. And a feeling of having a lack of creativity. Sometimes I just can't find it. Herbert was trying to "talk it out of me." Telling me about the different minds and ways of thinking. Not that I could understand everything he was saying. I just want to be comfortable at work. And I'm not. But then, it's a job, isn't it? Yeah, but outside of work, things are lacking, too. I'm tired of Spanish. Speaking it, living it. Plus the money. It'll cost me $1300 to come back to Spain -- with the flight and rent. I could do a lot with that money. I could live 2 months on that. Or travel for a month. Or buy a car. Or a computer. Shit. Why do I do this to myself? I need to talk to Jenny or Matt. Shit. Mierda.


11:00 pm

So I'm really on a roll. I'm totally reverting. I'm thinking now of quitting 15 October -- next pay day. then I could still travel like I had wanted to. And I'd have about $750 to do it with. Not a bad deal. You know, I had been thinking of how I need to make decisions for myself. I had made the decision to go back to the States -- then Jenny called. She's the only reason I changed my mind. Why do I let others control me? Now I'm getting excited about "going home" again. About buying a Jeep and driving across country with my dog. Then just stopping "somewhere." Oh hell! Who knows? Here I go again...

3:00 pm

Bueno. Last night was fun. We invited Corrine and Elisabeth up for a beer. We smoked a little pot, too. Just hung out on the terrace a while. Then Annelies brought up some soup and we ate. Fernando came, too. Very nice. I guess I should invite people over more often, huh? Actually, it was David who invited Corrine up. He's staying through Thursday. And that's when Beth Chasco's coming. Busy, busy.

4:00 pm

I can't believe I haven't written in three days. Suppose I've been busy. I had a frustrating evening working last night. Carlos and I videotaped bits of wedding receptions for a promo. We didn't get several shots we were supposed to have. The lighting situation was bad. And I just couldn't make myself understood. Communication problems! It's still so damn frustrating. And I'd really like to be friends with Carlos. But the language barrier interferes. Herbert will be pissed when he sees the videotape. I want to tell him that I don't want to go out on those kind of shoots anymore. So I got to thinking that maybe I should move back for good. Shit. Here we go again. One bad night and I'm ready to "give up." I wish I wouldn't look on it as "giving up," but I guess I do. And I guess it is in some ways. David and I got stoned together Friday night. He really is pretty funny. We had a good time, although it was an early night due to this "sleepy pot." We went to dinner at La Paloma and watched some drunk teenagers singing Ramones songs on the beach. Went to the flea market with David and De today. It was a nice "different" thing to do. It's still so hot! 95° yesterday. The evenings had been getting quite cool, but not last night.

7:00 pm

Oh! I'm stoned at work again. Only mildly, I think. I think the tobacco more than anything has my head spinning. Herbert gave me some chocolate, then left to leave me manning the phone. What a stupid job. Nothing to do again today. I could've taken the whole week off! I told him that I'd be going back to Detroit to work for two months. As usual, he wasn't phased. He said, "fine." I talked to Matt today. He and Elizabeth are coming to Spain. Oh well. They can use my apartment. If I keep it. Is it worth the $500 I'll lose? I dunno. But where would I store my stuff if not? Joel? Frank? Work? Tough decision. Matt said Jenny's not coming in October. She wants to come in November now, but of course she shouldn't if I'm not here. I need to talk her into quitting and coming back with me in January. That would be best. Herbert still has confidence that things will work out well. I'm pretty sure, too. I must admit, though, one of my current fantasies has me finding a great job when I'm back in Detroit. Then I'd have to come back to Málaga to get my stuff. The future: so uncertain. I didn't come into work at all yesterday. We had to wait almost an hour for a new bus to come after ours had some problem with the door. Wouldn't close. Whatever. Things worked out fine. This Carlos at work is too cute. We're going to tape some promo stuff at La Fragatta banquet hall on Saturday. Next week, there'll be a lot of editing to do. Finally! I'm thinking again of buying a computer. I could rent it to TVP! I want to buy a car, too! I'm getting materialistic again!

1:30 pm

The long journey is nearing its end. We're on the bus to Málaga. Of course, I'm supposed to be at work right now. Oh well. Sure enough, we had to spend the night in Tangier. And we had to find a place that took credit cards since we didn't have any dirhams. But it worked out okay. The ferry back to Spain was nice. Much better weather this time. I didn't realize how close the two continents were. Beautiful scenery. This rolling countryside in Cádiz province is nice, too. On the train yesterday, we met two more Moroccans. One lives in Fes, has studied in London and gave us his address so we can stay with him in Fes. Really friendly people here! The other was friendly, too. He invited us to spend last night at his house in a small town. We said we had to get to Tangier. Just before he left, he asked if we wanted some hashish! I was tempted... Good thing David's here. On my own, I'd probably fall for so many tricks. Naiveté. Oh well. Next time I'd rather go by car. Much more freedom with the time, plus you'd avoid a lot of the hustlers. Maybe I could get Joel to go. His French would certainly help. You know, more than one Moroccan said something about "the more you give, the more you receive" in life. I like that. Alms-giving is one of the 5 tenants of Islam. I guess that's why they're so hospitable. Youssef mentioned that when you die, you don't take anything with you, so why accumulate a lot of things. He prefers to travel. Me too!


3:00 pm

Ay! Just when it seemed we were home-free. We just passed through Marbella when the air-conditioning on the bus went out. Now we're stopped by the side of the road. To fix it? ¿Quién sabe? ¡Qué calor! This is getting to be too much. I guess I'll never get to work today!

2:00 pm

I'm not really in the mood to write, but I don't have much else to do. We're in the train station waiting to go to Tangier. We were supposed to leave at 7:30 this morning, but the alarm didn't go off! Shit. What a waste. And now we don't know if we can make the last ferry to Algecieras. It would be a drag staying in Tangier again. With the hustlers. I hate wasting time. And I might have to miss work tomorrow. Too bad!

7:10 pm

Woof! What a couple of days! I can't believe I have friends in Fes! We found out that, yes, Abdul is a hustler. But a benevolent hustler. He's lied to us -- quite a bit actually -- but the end result is that everyone's happy. That's the rhythm of life in Morocco! He took us to his home on the edge of the medina. It was incredible, the squalor we passed through. Kids playing in the narrow, garbage-filled alleys, saying, "Bonjour" when they saw us. We had traditional Moroccan tajine and mint tea. It was fantastic! Then he mentioned he was going to take a walk through the medina. Oh, we would like to come with him? Sure, why not? He's so slick! We wandered through the incredible maze of the medina, stopping occasionally to look at a leather tannery, carpet maker, etc. It was so delicious just soaking up all the sights, smells and sounds. Then we ended up at a carpet store that Abdul "had never been to before." In fact, he told us several times. When the big sales pitch came -- after some mint tea -- we knew we had been scammed. In fact, David found it perfectly spelled out in his guide book. "A man will meet you several stops before your destination, invite you to tea in his home, take you to the medina, and then to the shop "of a friend." Pretty much says it all. Anyway, David got into the bargaining -- arguing that he didn't want to buy until his (fictitious) girlfriend could come back to see the carpets. Total scamming on all sides! But the end result was that David got a good deal on a carpet, the owners made a profit, and Abdul got a commission to be sure. I got a fascinating experience! I was rather put off at first when I found out it was a scam and they started applying pressure, while saying, "You don't have to buy. We're friends!" and other assorted bullshit. But then I got to enjoying it for the game that it was. Really. That's all it is! And (usually) everyone wins! This morning David and I wandered the "new Fes" area of the medina and had to fend off some pretty persistent "guides." They were very annoying. But again, part of the game. We managed to find our way around pretty well on our own. But then Abdul met us again at 2:30 pm and we went back to Fes-al-Bali -- old Fes, dating from the 9th century. We stopped for mint tea at a tiny cafe full of old Moroccan men playing cards -- while Abdul excused himself "to go to the toilet." He kept disappearing on us all the time. No doubt making other arrangements for us to go somewhere "he's never been." We went to buy some tea services at a really nice place. The shopkeeper was very friendly. David was trying to speak Spanish with him most of the time. I managed to get a brass tea service (for Matt and Eli) and an extra teapot (for me!) from about $200 to $60. Not bad. Then we went to buy camel hair blankets. $30 -- good deal. The salesman there, Youssif, said he has a friend in Málaga (the director of the school where Carmen from yoga class teaches!) and he'll come visit me. He also said I could stay with him next time I come to Fes! Jenny and I have to come back! So it's been quite an exhausting and exciting 2 days in Fes. I hope to keep in touch with Abdul even though he's a scammer. But it is a win-win-win situation! The Moroccan people really are a hospitable people. If you can look past the hustling. It really seems to be part of the culture. You have to accept it a you would accept any cultural differences. Oh, we even had three young guys apparently try to "hustle" us in the sexual sense. They had their arms around us, commented on our bodies, etc. Pretty wild stuff here!!


9:00 pm

So we said good-bye to Abdul. He came over to have dinner with us and even paid for it. What a nice guy. What a contradictory country this is. You lie to people, then take them to dinner. Wait a minute. Isn't that similar to what happens in U.S. business? There's an eye-opener! Maybe it's just on a different scale with different stakes. We even ran into him again after dinner while looking for a Visa money machine. He offered to give us dirhams in exchange for pesetas. What a good guy! I hope he got a good commission off us! That brings up the question of whether or not he knows that we know. When/if I come back, couldn't we just be open about him getting a commission? Or do things need to remain covert. Hush, hush. Some things we just don't talk about!