1:30 pm

Another nice change last night. We first met at Barbara and Gitta's new place -- close to here. Yea! Then we went downtown to Casa del Conde and Salsa. Nothing new yet, I know. But we had a drink at a new place, then after we went back to Salsa, there was tear gas or mace released and everyone had to leave. Well, Barbara, Katerina and I decided to go back in afterwards while the others left. They both met men. But it was nice to dance, since it was less crowded. Then we went to Havana at about 4:00. Didn't leave until 7:00. I loved the music. I danced by myself most of the time, because Barbara was outside talking and Katerina met another guy. But I really enjoyed it. It was nice to just dance like crazy. Andre was there with a Spanish girl he met. Everyone had met someone except me! I really need to go to a gay bar soon. Just to meet some guys. To build up my self-esteem! It's not fair that everyone else meets people. I want some action, too. Yesterday was my last day of class. It will be so different next week. Shit. Can't stand to think of it. It really upsets me that only Bob, Alyssa, Marisa and Suzanne have written me. C'mon friends! I've been thinking more about going home in May for a couple weeks. Maybe I could find work easier in June. Of course, I haven't even looked yet. But I really did want to go home sometime before July anyway. Who knows? Paul tells me that the house is sold, so the money should be there soon. Finally sold my car, too. Lost about $1000 as expected. I could use something to just cheer me up. The weather has been horrible lately. Said good-bye to more people yesterday. Depression time! But Andre and I are having dinner with 2 girls from Salsa class. They invited us over. Another new thing.

1:30 am

Well, it's here. The last day of classes. I haven't really studied for the exam. It doesn't really matter to me. Pase lo que pase. I talked with Abdel at Malaca today. He wasn't terribly promising about video potential there. He said the director has to pay Joaquin millions of pesetas from their divorce settlement. Interesting. I talked with a British man, Julian, about teaching English. He gave me a lot of good advice. I'm going to Gibraltar with him on Tuesday to look at video cameras. Gotta keep those options open. We had dinner at the girls' tonight. I can't believe Andre will be gone soon. But I am looking ahead to the future. I played around some more with Alhambra's mixer today. Maybe I can borrow it for my freelance business. I've been thinking that it would be better to live in Fuengirola or Marbella if I pursue video with tourists or expatriates. I enjoyed last night (Wed.) We went to see "Bugsy" (in Spanish) and then had tapas and drinks. A nice change.

11:45 pm

It was a pretty shitty day weather-wise. Actually it rain a lot last night, then cleared up by afternoon and then rained again this evening. Strange. I tried to get the TV to work, but was unsuccessful. It would've been a perfect evening to sit in front of the tele. Andre and I instead had a bottle of wine and talked. About sports mainly. He's such a fanatic. But we talked a lot about Columbus, life in Spain, theft, deterioration of the family. Actually, that was our tema in class today. I felt good talking about the "alternative families" that I know. Andre and I continued after class and tonight -- in English! He should have a pretty good idea that I'm gay. But I didn't mention it when we talked about living with someone. I should've said, "I've never lived with a boyfriend," but instead I said, "someone I was going out with." We spent the afternoon together in the center looking at video cameras. Not very exciting, but just hanging out together. I talked to Marcia Ellis last night. I can't believe it's been 2 months! Shit! It was nice to talk to her. I thought -- only for a moment -- about how nice it would be to be back working there again. I just needed a 2 month vacation. I can go back now, right? Hmmm. Guess not. Of course, it's not what I really want anyway. I still have a cold. I hate it! Always blowing my nose and coughing.

(Monday) 9:45 pm 30 March 1992

Well, today I got the big let-down. Joaquin told me that it would be at least two months before he would be able to start with the video production ideas. At least I know it's not feasible. So I have to really start thinking of other ways to earn money. I'll call Gary Ellis tonight to ask him to start looking at cameras in the States for me. And maybe I'll go to Gibraltar next Monday. I've also been thinking of asking Joaquin if I could rent his mixer and decks. Then I would only need to buy a camera. No, that's not right. I still need an edit controller and an edit deck. $6000. No problema. Shit. I wish I had the confidence in myself to make this work! It really is exciting when I think about it. But scary, too. Andre's been bummed lately because he hasn't found work yet. I know something will come through for him. Hopefully, he'll stay in the Costa del Sol area. Mette's coming back from Denmark, too! But I'm thinking that maybe I need to get out of Málaga. Go to Fuengirola or even Marbella to make this video business work. I need to find tourists with money. Of course, Sevilla is still a possibility for that. I'm getting excited again! I CAN do it! Think positively, dammit! I can't believe that I forgot to mention that I talked to Bob on Friday. It was so nice to hear his voice. He was to have an interview for the Oakland job today. Man, if he gets that, I'd love to go live with him there. After I make my millions here.

1:45 pm

Another beautiful day. I'm sitting on the terrace with Andre. What could be better? Well, for starters, we could be holding hands or kissing or.... ¡Basta! Tim's leaving today. Maybe we can keep this place clean for a change. We had a paella at school yesterday. It was a lot of fun. We all danced Sevillanas. Some better than others, of course. We bought flowers for María José. We'll still be able to talk. She's not leaving for England until May. Last night (after a siesta) the girls came over and we went out to Bolivia, then downtown. Casa del Conde was a lot of fun. They were playing good music and we were able to dance a bit. Then we went to Salsa where I danced quite a bit with Gitta and Antonella. We then went to Bar Donde at around 3:30, I think. It was pretty empty, but Gitta and I danced some. Then I met these two older guys who were apparently gay. They were very touchy-feely with each other. I went with them to another bar where I met some of their (cute, young) friends. They all seem to be gay, but I can't be sure. One guy spoke English as well. He was very nice. They all enjoyed meeting a guirie. Rocky kept trying to get me to do coke with him. They kept buying me drinks, too. Must say I enjoyed the attention. I didn't get home until after 6:00. A very nice different evening.

(Friday) 12:30 am 27 March 1992

Wow! It's really the end of March already? I've been here 8 weeks. I don't believe it! Still nothing with the job. I hate this "waiting game." I enjoyed staying home tonight with a bottle of wine and my music, writing letters. It was very nice. I hope I get more letters soon. they pick me up so much! Tomorrow is María José's last day. That must be very emotional for her. I hope we can still get together a couple of times before she goes to England. Fortune favors the bold.

11:00 pm

How did I manage to get another cold? Especially since it's been so warm and sunny? Actually, it could be allergies. It is that time of year. Shit. I hate being sick. Actually, the weather's changed. It's cold tonight and I think it will rain tomorrow. Still haven't called Bob. I used almost an entire $20 phone card last night calling my brother Paul. We should close on my dad's house soon. I got a second letter from Bob today. God, I've been thinking about him so much. I can't wait 2 months to see him! Yesterday I talked with Lorenzo and Joaquin about video possibilities. I played with the Panasonic WJ-AVE-5 mixer. It's a cool piece of equipment. But we didn't talk about money or a contract or a work schedule or anything. I think he's just trying to get as much out of me as he can. I need to bring it up with him. I was going to this afternoon, but he was gone. I talked with Deirdre, who had a contract with him to teach English, but he didn't pay. She confirmed that he can't be trusted, but encouraged me to pursue it as long as I don't invest too much into it. I still haven't gone back to Malaca Instituto. Shit. I'm such an ass sometimes. Do it! ¡Hazlo! I'll be glad when Tim leaves on Saturday. He and Daniel and Nicole have really been getting on my nerves. Making messes in the kitchen and not cleaning until mold is growing a week later. But that means everyone else (almost) is leaving, too. Andre! I really need to get to know this French guy, Frank, who lives across the street. He could be a good pal. He plays tennis! He's single! Vamos a ver.