(Monday) 9:45 pm 30 March 1992

Well, today I got the big let-down. Joaquin told me that it would be at least two months before he would be able to start with the video production ideas. At least I know it's not feasible. So I have to really start thinking of other ways to earn money. I'll call Gary Ellis tonight to ask him to start looking at cameras in the States for me. And maybe I'll go to Gibraltar next Monday. I've also been thinking of asking Joaquin if I could rent his mixer and decks. Then I would only need to buy a camera. No, that's not right. I still need an edit controller and an edit deck. $6000. No problema. Shit. I wish I had the confidence in myself to make this work! It really is exciting when I think about it. But scary, too. Andre's been bummed lately because he hasn't found work yet. I know something will come through for him. Hopefully, he'll stay in the Costa del Sol area. Mette's coming back from Denmark, too! But I'm thinking that maybe I need to get out of Málaga. Go to Fuengirola or even Marbella to make this video business work. I need to find tourists with money. Of course, Sevilla is still a possibility for that. I'm getting excited again! I CAN do it! Think positively, dammit! I can't believe that I forgot to mention that I talked to Bob on Friday. It was so nice to hear his voice. He was to have an interview for the Oakland job today. Man, if he gets that, I'd love to go live with him there. After I make my millions here.

1:45 pm

Another beautiful day. I'm sitting on the terrace with Andre. What could be better? Well, for starters, we could be holding hands or kissing or.... ¡Basta! Tim's leaving today. Maybe we can keep this place clean for a change. We had a paella at school yesterday. It was a lot of fun. We all danced Sevillanas. Some better than others, of course. We bought flowers for María José. We'll still be able to talk. She's not leaving for England until May. Last night (after a siesta) the girls came over and we went out to Bolivia, then downtown. Casa del Conde was a lot of fun. They were playing good music and we were able to dance a bit. Then we went to Salsa where I danced quite a bit with Gitta and Antonella. We then went to Bar Donde at around 3:30, I think. It was pretty empty, but Gitta and I danced some. Then I met these two older guys who were apparently gay. They were very touchy-feely with each other. I went with them to another bar where I met some of their (cute, young) friends. They all seem to be gay, but I can't be sure. One guy spoke English as well. He was very nice. They all enjoyed meeting a guirie. Rocky kept trying to get me to do coke with him. They kept buying me drinks, too. Must say I enjoyed the attention. I didn't get home until after 6:00. A very nice different evening.

(Friday) 12:30 am 27 March 1992

Wow! It's really the end of March already? I've been here 8 weeks. I don't believe it! Still nothing with the job. I hate this "waiting game." I enjoyed staying home tonight with a bottle of wine and my music, writing letters. It was very nice. I hope I get more letters soon. they pick me up so much! Tomorrow is María José's last day. That must be very emotional for her. I hope we can still get together a couple of times before she goes to England. Fortune favors the bold.

11:00 pm

How did I manage to get another cold? Especially since it's been so warm and sunny? Actually, it could be allergies. It is that time of year. Shit. I hate being sick. Actually, the weather's changed. It's cold tonight and I think it will rain tomorrow. Still haven't called Bob. I used almost an entire $20 phone card last night calling my brother Paul. We should close on my dad's house soon. I got a second letter from Bob today. God, I've been thinking about him so much. I can't wait 2 months to see him! Yesterday I talked with Lorenzo and Joaquin about video possibilities. I played with the Panasonic WJ-AVE-5 mixer. It's a cool piece of equipment. But we didn't talk about money or a contract or a work schedule or anything. I think he's just trying to get as much out of me as he can. I need to bring it up with him. I was going to this afternoon, but he was gone. I talked with Deirdre, who had a contract with him to teach English, but he didn't pay. She confirmed that he can't be trusted, but encouraged me to pursue it as long as I don't invest too much into it. I still haven't gone back to Malaca Instituto. Shit. I'm such an ass sometimes. Do it! ¡Hazlo! I'll be glad when Tim leaves on Saturday. He and Daniel and Nicole have really been getting on my nerves. Making messes in the kitchen and not cleaning until mold is growing a week later. But that means everyone else (almost) is leaving, too. Andre! I really need to get to know this French guy, Frank, who lives across the street. He could be a good pal. He plays tennis! He's single! Vamos a ver.

10:45 pm

I'm sitting outside by the sea. It's been a beautiful day and is now a beautiful night. You can see so many stars. The waves are crashing in on the rocks. Very nice. I'm feeling good about being here again. Yesterday was a bit difficult being alone in Sevilla, but I'm feeling better about being alone. I absolutely love days like this. I was outside from 12:30 - 7:00. We had dinner at the girls' apartment. That was nice. I like hanging out with different people. And not necessarily going to the bar. Although I would like to meet up with Dirk again before he leaves. I'm supposed to talk with Joaquin tomorrow. I hope we can make some definite plans soon! I feel so frustrated here sometimes. I tried calling Bob to give him my fax number, but I still can't get the AT&T operator, the Spanish international operator doesn't answer and the damn machine wouldn't accept more coins and cut me off before I could leave a message on his machine!

7:00 pm

I'm sitting in Parque María Luisa in Sevilla. The rosewood trees and orange blossoms are in full bloom. The sweet scent in the air is incredible. Horse-drawn carriages pass by. It's a beautiful day -- almost 90° this afternoon! Only problem is that I'm alone. I was thinking that it would be nice to be out traveling on my own again, but I'm feeling a bit lonely. This is such a romantic place. Last night, Vicky, Lori and I sat in a small plaza near the cathedral while a guitarist played. It was so lovely. Found a place with a passable menu del día for $8.00 -- including wine and dessert. I've been thinking how nice it would be if Bob were here. When he does come (oh, he wrote that he's coming for 2 weeks starting May 26th! Yea!) I'll have to bring him here, but it will be teeming with people from Expo. It will definitely change the intimate, romantic atmosphere. Hell, maybe we'll go to Córdoba instead! It was so nice to hear from him. I got letters from Suzanne and Alyssa, too. Friends! And yet, I'm here alone. Whine, whine, whine! I had fun with Vicky and Lori. I enjoyed our little misadventure last night when we got on the wrong bus and had to take a taxi back to the hotel. The taxi driver was so nice. It was good to practice my Spanish, too. Lori was not amused, though. We smuggled in a roll-away bed from a storage area down the hall. Hell, why not live a little? I'm staying at a pension -- only $12, but I don't really like it. There are 5 guys in the room, but it doesn't have the friendliness of a hostel. Still haven't talked to Joaquin about work. Need to on Monday! I want to have some security. Some money!

11:50 pm

Today was a difficult day. Steffi found out this morning that her grandmother had died. She left for Germany this afternoon. It was so sudden. Another one gone. I'll really miss her. Damn, I hate good-byes. Andre, Jeannet and I took her to the airport. "Things happen so quickly here." It's true. This evening, some of us went out to a movie. I enjoyed going out without Andre for a change. I think it allowed me to have a little more prominence. Afterwards, María José's friends met us at a bar. Once again, I didn't say hello to them until I was leaving. What's the matter with me?? I'm going to Bolivia for a drink.