11:00 pm

We're in Nazaré, Portugal. It's a very touristy village on the Atlantic. But, of course, at this time of year it's a pretty sleepy town. We're staying in a home. I feel so funny doing that. We bargained the lady down from 5000 to 3000 escudos. Unintentionally. But anyway, I hope the weather is better tomorrow so we can enjoy it. It must be beautiful. I love the waves crashing in. Makes me think I should run a bed and breakfast on the California coast. It rained all day today. I hated it. We walked around Porto in the morning, but I really didn't enjoy it. We took a tour of the Sandeman Port warehouse which was pretty fun. I think Porto would be beautiful in nice weather. I have to admit, though, I'm ready to go home. Home to Málaga. Even home to Detroit. For a while. Frank asks me every day, "What do you think today? Are you coming back to Málaga in January?" I tell him I honestly don't know. And I honestly don't know! We'll see what happens in the next two months.

8:00 pm

My emotions change with the weather. Hell, my future changes with the weather! When it's nice, I think, "How can I leave Málaga?" and when it's shitty, I think, "Why bother?" I'm in Porto with shitty weather. We drove here from Lisbon hoping it would be better, but it's not. It's also a very frustrating city to drive in. There are very few traffic lights. Just kind of a free for all with cars and pedestrians. And, of course, the streets aren't identified. Not that we could make out the names on the map we got from the tourist office. All in all, not worth the trip north. We're thinking of possibly returning Saturday, due to low funds. That would be fine by me.

I really haven't been leaning in any direction regarding the future. I have been fantasizing about winning the lottery and/or falling in love. Actually, I'm seriously considering pursuing a teaching certificate so I can teach in an overseas school. It'd be better money than just teaching English. And I have to think of things like insurance. So maybe I'll stay in Detroit to take classes. God, who knows? I've also been fretting about living and transportation arrangements. Buy a car? Pretty stupid if I'm staying only 2 months. Same with renting an apartment. But I don't want to be dependent on people either. In some ways life is harder in Málaga, in other ways it's so much easier. The freedom would be awfully hard to give up. The rigidity of the U.S. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to that. But the bourgeois, rather than bohemian, lifestyle has it's appeal. I just want it all. Is that too much to ask for?


9:15 pm

So I've come down to my last week in Spain. Spain! I still can't believe I've been in Spain for the past 9 months! And I can't believe all the wonderful friendships I've developed here. From the very start with Dave and Gitta, through Andre, Steffi, Jeannet, Gitta, Barbara, Frank, Annelies, Alton, Joel, Elisabeth. There are so many people who've touched my life. Wonderful friends. It's truly been a dream come true! But it's not a dream! It's reality. I can make what I want of my life. I just have to decide what it is that I want! Sunshine and warmth. Good friends. Security of money. That's all!

6:30 pm

Frank and I are in Lisbon. His other friends didn't come after all. I really like Lisbon. The activity is a nice change from the tranquility of the past two nights -- in Faro and Sines. It's a very cosmopolitan city. I must say there are a lot of people on the streets asking for money. I just wrote a postcard to Bob. I wish we could've come here together. Frank is getting on my nerves. He's so hyper. And he never wants to make any decisions. And he's sick. And he always wants to rest or eat. Oh well, enough bitching. Oh yeah, I'm spending too much money, too! I normally eat very little while traveling. I don't feel as energized as I usually do when I travel. Something's missing. Ah yes. Freedom.

7:35 pm

Thought! "I Know.. A Man is Wrong" by David Byrne for a video for Matt and Eli. Ya see, I was going to get stoned and try to write a toast for Matt and Eli's wedding. I thought it'd be good for regression through our friendship, choosing just the right words for those special moments we've all had together. The 1216 Michigan Avenue stories. I have to include when we met -- over a 6E Holden Quiz Bowl competition. Shit. I was just thinking how great it would be to get my journal from then and read it. But I don't have "The College Years" here in Spain with me. I'll look through it from June 1985 on. That's what I have here. I'll have to wait until I get back to Detroit to write about the very beginning. (To finish a previous thought: "Ya see, I was going to get stoned and write a toast for Matt and Eli's wedding," and instead I decided to listen to some music. But the music I put on -- David Byrne's "Rei Momo" -- made me think of Matt and Eli. Which kinda brings this full circle.)

I must also add that I'm cooking so I'm constantly being interrupted by running to the kitchen. This may answer my question as to whether or not I could stay on one thought long enough when high to write a book or screenplay. I seem to think It'd come out better, but I think tonight is proving that it's impossible. I can't even write a toast for Matt and Eli's wedding! Too many other thoughts get in the way. I'm analyzing being stoned again, aren't I? I suppose so. It is pretty interesting. But how to interpret it? Very difficult.

I can't believe how stoned I am. I don't even know what's going on. I just know it's fun. I was just in the kitchen fixing to eat the pasta and tomato sauce with meat balls -- which I just ate a few hours ago. I thought, "Why am I eating this? I should be writing Matt and Eli's toast." Absolutely no focus. Maybe I overdid it.

Now I had to get up and change the music when it stopped. So many stimuli!

Oh, here's another thought. Forgot to mention that there was a thief in Annelies' bathroom tonight! I'll have to expand on that later! Meanwhile, I'm eating and changing the music. And the damn tape player has that annoying buzz! Life in Spain. It's funny here!

8:09 pm

Now I'm thinking whether or not I should go out tonight. Not! Right now I think I won't. I'd have to shave, take a shower, put in contacts. But it's so early yet. And I would like to talk to Joel. I should have called him today. I'm sure I'll change my mind a few times in the next several hours. Just like deciding my future. Back and forth, back and forth. Today, I was thinking, "Yes, I would like to come back to Málaga. Or at least Spain." But who the hell knows? There will be hundreds of influencing factors over the next few months. Where will I end up? Anyway, now I'm going back to Matt and Eli's toast. I'm going to read through my journal looking for tidbits. Oh, maybe I should mention this very thing! Looking back through the years through my written thoughts.

So I haven't read through the journal yet, but I have been writing some ideas on a toast. But I'm also getting very emotional. I probably couldn't say it at the reception without losing it.

8:30 pm

Shit. Now I was just washing dishes, going to the bathroom and dancing to Zouk music. When am I going to get back to Matt and Elizabeth's toast?

8:45 pm

I wish I had written more about Kim and Todd's wedding in my journal. I wrote nothing! All those great experiences with the truck driving off with the beer keg in the back, still dispensing. Playing cards on an incredible stormy night in a big old bed and breakfast. Matt, Elizabeth and I sleeping together -- a la Three Stooges. We also drove back home together. We talked a lot about not being in relationships. And how that was okay.

9:00

Man! I've been reading and writing about Matt and Eli. Now I've just arrived at... MEXICO! God, we've had some great times together! I hope I can express this in voice, print and video!

9:07

So now I've changed music again. "It's My Life" by Talk Talk made me want to include the opening line into the wedding video. Isn't this where we came in -- at 7:35? I've just been thinking how fun it will be to put together Matt and Eli's video. I just wish I had more time. And I'll be busy at work, so I won't be able to stick around late and edit. I'm listening to "Fun Tape #1" -- circa 1985. Very fitting for tonight's topic. Now I have to listen to every song I know and pick out lines to insert into Matt and Eli's video. It's part of the "script" I'm writing tonight. Between writing this -- and all the other shit I find myself doing -- I'm writing down ideas for a toast and video in another part of this journal. (I'm still really stoned!) I probably shouldn't be drinking, either. I have to be in a car all day tomorrow! Shit! I'm going to Portugal with 3 Frenchies tomorrow! I won't speak English -- NO ENGLISH -- for an entire week! Just Spanish and bits of Portuguese. Perhaps the only French I know, too. Bits and pieces. But NO English! Man, I hope it's okay. I'm pretty hesitant, but my attitude these days says, "Get back in there, boy!" So, I go for it! I do things so different from my life back in Detroit. Wow! I'm excited again! Wake up every morning and say, "Hey, I'm in Spain!" All experiences are positive, because even negative experiences result in great stories to tell! Mike and the Frogs do Portugal! Hoo boy!

9:30 pm

MAN! I'm stoned! I hope I can put this Matt and Eli stuff together. It was a lovely day today -- sunny and 82°. Sunbathed mostly. About 6:00 pm I was on my terrace and I heard Annelies shout, "Mike, come! There's a robber! A robber in the bathroom!!" I couldn't really grasp it all, but I grabbed my keys and ran down the stairs and around the corner -- in barefeet -- to Annelies' house. She was stammering that there was a man in the bathroom -- she didn't want to open the door. She couldn't defend herself, because she's been recovering from a motor scooter accident and can't use her left foot. So I go in -- to the bathroom door and throw it open while jumping back to a safer distance. The bathroom was empty -- the curtains blowing in the open window. I rushed to look out the window, but saw no one down the narrow, winding steps outside her window. He had retreated at the onset of her screams and was probably long gone by now. What had really confused me at first is that I thought she said "rubber." A rubber in the bathroom. Weird life here.

9:46

Here's something interesting in the struggle between staying in Detroit and going elsewhere once again.... Look at my journal in the first 14 years. And then look at the past 9 months. How many times I was down in those past years. But... How many times was I down in the past months? I really am happy almost all the time here. Life really is a lot more carefree! Frolicking! I'm a frolicking otter! I was just doing one of those Irish jig performance pieces that I sometimes do while stoned. This one was to "Free Nelson Mandela."

10:07

How long was it since I was going to read about Mexico? That was an hour ago and I haven't gotten around to it yet. Now I'm having pound cake and tea. Mmmm. Remember the ice cream and pound cake I had in the summer? Yummy. So I'm sitting here thinking about how much fun Matt and Elizabeth's wedding is going to be! I'm so looking forward to it all! Really into it!

10:39

Now I'm back to drinking beer and "The Specials" are on. I've been skimming through the journal. Yes, Mexico, but also the Road Poets. So many great times together. I like the way I'm thinking of putting together this videotape.

11:07

I want to start the video with Matt as Nathan Detroit in "Guys and Dolls." I hope Rosie has the videotape! I've been writing other thoughts and remembrances. I have to remember Karen's story of her family over during the holidays. It's such a great "video story." They were watching a videotape of themselves a year before at Christmas watching themselves many years before at Christmas. Her sister, I think, was watching herself on the original video (within last year's video) and said, "Oh, look at my hair!" and then in the video -- watching the original video -- she said, "Oh, look at my hair!" in the exact same tone. The funniest thing is they had been videotaping that night, but the camera wasn't on right then again.

11:38

I got a letter from John Zerfas! Yay! He told me about his great house-warming party. I wish I could've been there! And now he's going to Las Vegas. Without me! We had so much fun last year in Vegas! I'm already thinking about bed. And it's not even time to go out yet! I guess I'm definitely staying in! I'm going to Portugal in 12 hours. I suppose I should think about that. Get ready and stuff. I'm listening to "Road to Nowhere" and thinking of Karen and Rick's wedding video. That was great! Damn, I wish I could watch it right now. "Verdi Cries" by 10,000 Maniacs is on now. This song always makes me weep. Hauntingly mournful.

12:00

I could never be happy in Detroit. Maybe if I lived on the lakeshore. Possible.

Another "oh yeah." De told me today that Don Francisco, the landlord, offered her a few months free rent if she'd allow him to "come over" from time to time. I'm assuming she meant to have sex with him. She didn't seem terribly shocked. Actually, she said maybe she would have to consider it if he offered $2000 or something.

12:31

Shit. I'm really freaking out about this next week traveling without speaking any English. It should be good for me! Other tidbits from the day as I'm getting ready for bed... I turned all my underwear and white t-shirts lavender by washing a purple shirt with them in Annelies' washing machine. How stupid! Like when David ended up with yellow underwear from Annelies' green shirt washed with them. Also found out that Elisabeth missed her flight Wednesday -- again! It left in the morning. She hadn't called to confirm! Luckily, she got another charter soon after. "La tonta del aeropuerto." De and I had some discussions on Sinead O'Connor ripping up the pope's picture and De's life on the farm in Ireland. She talked about how her brother wants to inherit the family farm, which De thinks should be sold. Her father wants to sell, Mom wants to "keep it in the family." De said it kinda depends on who dies first! She's so blunt all the time!

1:06

I've virtually eliminated stress from my life here in Spain. Not completely, but nearly. Work was tense at times. And this impending trip. And the thought of going back to Detroit -- perhaps for good -- soon after I return from Portugal has me feeling panicky from time to time!

6:50 pm

I found the Mesquita in Córdoba absolutely breathtaking! I'd have to rank at the top of the list of Spanish sights. The mixture of Moorish and Christian temples makes it so unique. I had outstanding weather today, too. I was able to walk around quite a bit. The city isn't quite as nice as Sevilla, but it's pretty nice. Now I'm waiting at the train station -- with a headache. Maybe I'll need to just stay in tomorrow to gear up for Portugal.... Nah! I should call Joel and see if he wants to buy my bike. Or play tennis. Or go to bed with me. Oops! Slipped! So I'm leaving in two weeks -- but I'll be traveling for half that time. Shit. I'm really starting to feel melancholy. Elisabeth's departure got me thinking a lot about my immanent departure. There will be so much to look forward to -- although I noticed there was snow in Battle Creek on the news. I'm not ready for that!

11:15 am

I had a nice time in Granada -- at least in the morning when the weather was nice. I went to the Alhambra and went through it with an American man I met there. He was a bit annoying, taking pictures and videos all the time, but it was nice to have someone to talk to. Then it rained and rained and I couldn't do a lot of walking around the town. I plan to go to Córdoba tomorrow and then Frank and I go to Portugal on Saturday for a week. Annelies hurt her leg and won't be able to join us. I'll miss her! I don't know if I'll enjoy Frank for a week. I do need to take advantage of the travel opportunity, however. Elisabeth leaves today. The "family" is breaking up.

6:30 pm

Analyze this sentence sometime: I'd miss a lot of things, if I didn't return. Correct usage? Or "don't" instead of "didn't"? What if it were (subjunctive, no?), "I'll" instead of "I'd"? I have the Spanish subjunctive mastered, it's the darned English that gets me.

Got interrupted. Elisabeth visited me and we smoked a little. I had been writing a letter to Gitta before. Oh, here's another tidbit for the chapter on "Frustrations: No phone/No car." Elisabeth and I want to go visit Frank tonight and celebrate her penultimate night. So we have to walk 20 minutes in the rain and hope he's home. No phone, no car.

Anyway, Elisabeth and I had a nice talk. She said she's thinking of going to Turkey to live in a friend's house next summer -- and invited me to come. You know I'll consider it! Free lodging near a beach. What more could I want? It's so fun to entertain previously unthinkable thoughts! That's what freedom does to you. I'm also thinking maybe they'd employ me long-term at BHSD again. Choices! Possibilities!

I'm really enjoying "Strange Angels" for the umpteenth time. It's so great for the soul. Especially with headphones! I love singling out one instrument at a time and just try to listen to it for a while. Ignore everything else. What a lot of work it must be to produce a song!