11:15 am

I had a nice time in Granada -- at least in the morning when the weather was nice. I went to the Alhambra and went through it with an American man I met there. He was a bit annoying, taking pictures and videos all the time, but it was nice to have someone to talk to. Then it rained and rained and I couldn't do a lot of walking around the town. I plan to go to Córdoba tomorrow and then Frank and I go to Portugal on Saturday for a week. Annelies hurt her leg and won't be able to join us. I'll miss her! I don't know if I'll enjoy Frank for a week. I do need to take advantage of the travel opportunity, however. Elisabeth leaves today. The "family" is breaking up.

6:30 pm

Analyze this sentence sometime: I'd miss a lot of things, if I didn't return. Correct usage? Or "don't" instead of "didn't"? What if it were (subjunctive, no?), "I'll" instead of "I'd"? I have the Spanish subjunctive mastered, it's the darned English that gets me.

Got interrupted. Elisabeth visited me and we smoked a little. I had been writing a letter to Gitta before. Oh, here's another tidbit for the chapter on "Frustrations: No phone/No car." Elisabeth and I want to go visit Frank tonight and celebrate her penultimate night. So we have to walk 20 minutes in the rain and hope he's home. No phone, no car.

Anyway, Elisabeth and I had a nice talk. She said she's thinking of going to Turkey to live in a friend's house next summer -- and invited me to come. You know I'll consider it! Free lodging near a beach. What more could I want? It's so fun to entertain previously unthinkable thoughts! That's what freedom does to you. I'm also thinking maybe they'd employ me long-term at BHSD again. Choices! Possibilities!

I'm really enjoying "Strange Angels" for the umpteenth time. It's so great for the soul. Especially with headphones! I love singling out one instrument at a time and just try to listen to it for a while. Ignore everything else. What a lot of work it must be to produce a song!

4:00 pm

Estoy fatal. Went out to the gay bars in Torremolinos with Elisabeth, Danny and Kiko last night. I really enjoyed dancing. I do wish Fran would have come! But I had a good time for the most part until we went to another bar at 6:00 am after dancing. I was tired and bored there. We got home at 7:30 am. Then at 1:00 pm, Danny and I played tennis. Oof. Rafa just came up for a visit. He invited me to come down to Danny and Kiko's, but I really just feel like being alone today. I want to write to Gitta, Keith and Antonio. Tomorrow, I'm going to Córdoba or Granada.

I ended up going out Friday night -- at 1:30 am. Danced at Donde with Elisabeth and a strange German girl until 4:00 am. Pretty fun, Today, my legs are absolutely dead. It's an overcast day, so I'm not very motivated to go out. Yesterday was gorgeous. I took a walk to the port. It really is so nice. So much going on. Mucha marcha. I need to talk to Joel. Maybe he'll want to buy my bicycle. Maybe we could go somewhere together this week.


9:00 pm

And yet, more interesting news. Barb from BHSD called me tonight already asking for help! I'll do a session about Spain for "A Taste of Teaching" and she told me about a Model High School project that may involve extra time -- and extra money, of course. Hee, hee, hee. It's so nice to feel needed. But it seems there are a lot of power struggles going on and I need to be the voice of reason once again. Pretty interesting stuff. So maybe I'll stay on in a "producer" role for a while longer. Ugh. That means winter in Detroit, doesn't it? Much too early to think about that! But the fact that it's rainy and cold again makes me realize this might not be so much better.

1:45 am

So I just had a nice time getting drunk with Annelies. I really just went down at 10:30 pm to apologize for missing yoga class. She's really a special person. She's so funny! What a great storyteller! We were talking about responsibilities when you have children. How different it would be to be drunk or stoned. Then she'd say, "We don't have children," and would pour some more wine. And she talked about Spanish men. "Fucking bastards" as she says. We talked about cute Fran. And, yes, he is gay. Now I'll have to go to the gay bar Saturday. I will miss Annelies.

6:00 pm

So things change again. My old boss at BHSD called me today and said my old job is available immediately. I told her there is no way I could come back before Nov. 1, but I'm not even sure I want to do that. We'll see how much it would cost. It would be nice to be home for the election, though. I've enjoyed doing nothing today. It rained all morning, so I watched TV from my bed until 11:00 am. Then I visited with Annelies and Corinne a couple of hours and slept again a couple of hours. What to do tonight? Don't know yet.

11:20 pm

I haven't yet decided if I'll go out tonight. I "should" try to find Joel and Jeannet. If I knew people I know would be there, it'd be easier. But I don't feel like getting cleaned up and going out in the cold if nobody's there. And I've been content watching TV and reading my Spanish Tao book. Reading about fasting -- cleansing the colon. Not a bad idea for me with my cancer risk. I suppose I should take better care of my body. I still don't do my daily exercises like I should.

4:45 pm

Herbert told me today that he's giving up hashish cold turkey. He says he's smoked a lot for the last 30 years and it's time to quit. He talked about it's regressive effects, how you think about the past. That is true, isn't it? Last night's "punks" episode is proof. He also talked about his childhood. How he was shuffled off to a "boarding school" from the time he was 1 1/2 years old! He is a pretty interesting guy. I suppose it's good that my marijuana and hashish supply is being cut off. A little is nice. A lot is too dangerous.

7:45 pm

So I really don't know. Herbert was telling me again about how things are looking up. He really wants me to come back -- even if Tecny Video Profesional no longer exists. He said he might be somewhere else, but could still use me. The future of TVP itself looks bleak. As long as I get paid tomorrow. But I really would think of coming back here if I could be sure of earning at least $1000/month. Then it would be worth it. And if Jenny still comes... Well, we'll see. Once again.

Tomorrow's my last day! Yay! I can't wait to be free! It would probably be good to get away from Carlos, too, before I go out of my mind. I've developed quite an attraction for him. And tonight, we smoked some hash together. Ooh, look out! Dangerous! But he has a girlfriend. I just can't keep my eyes off him. What a body!

Remember punks? No, not the skinhead kind, the mosquito repellent sticks. (The poor man's sparklers.) But they were really playthings for pre-adolescents. I remember burning holes in paper with them -- spelling out your name in charred paper cut-out. I'm burning an incense stick right now and I was just burning a hole in some paper. Memories of childhood. Funny what sparks a memory. Sometimes sound -- a favorite song; sometimes sight -- children playing at the beach; at other times it's a smell -- burning leaves; or a taste -- homemade chocolate chip cookies!

I'm watching Madonna's "Erotica" video. This must be causing havoc in the States. It's so much more explicit than that other one 2 years ago. I remember watching it in Kevin and Ron's room at Saugatuck. Why can't I remember the name? Not "Like a Prayer." Oh well. "Erotica" is pretty incredible. Rather explicit lesbian porn. Nothing wrong with pushing the envelope. I mean, American mores towards sexuality are so behind Europe. I suppose "Sexy Mother Fucker" by Prince isn't getting airplay, either. Banning books.

It's time to sit and think. About the future. Where I'm going. Where I'm at now. How exciting!!

11:50 pm

So what does it mean to turn 30? Who cares? People have a tendency to analyze their lives at this juncture. All I know is that I'm very content. You know, I seem to be much happier with myself when I'm not thinking about men. Kiko tells me I need a boyfriend. Annelies tries to fix me up with Javier. De talks about not wanting to be alone when she's 40. I could drive myself crazy. I see the men patrolling the park near city hall looking for some action. What's it all about, Alfie? Of course, I think about being with someone. Of course, I feel sometimes that "life is passing me by" because I don't have someone to share it with. But when I meet men I'm interested in, I always drive myself crazy. I'm thinking of going to a gay bar in Torremolinos with the neighbors on Saturday. I'd like to go to dance to good music and be with friends. And, yes, I'd like to meet someone. But what if I do? Then what? Problems creep up. Seguro.

So I only have 2 more days of work! Then I'm free! Let's see if they pay me!