3:10 am

I guess I shouldn't have forced myself to go out. I didn't have such a great time. Annelies and I walked to El Palo, met some friends of hers -- she knows so many people -- had some tapas and drinks. It was nice. She's a good friend. She said I "can't leave her." She also said that Bob was the nicest person she's met and thinks I need to pursue him. Maybe. He obviously needs more time. He hasn't written me! But then I made myself go out again at 1:00 am, although I was very tired. It was okay. I saw a lot of people I knew. But I was pretty bored, really. And tired. I didn't take a siesta today.

2:50 am

I wish I could write about tonight, but I'm too tired. Tomas being so sweet. "Coming out" to Helen and Joel. The incredible, but incredible meeting at work this evening. It was like a movie! But I'll have to catch up tomorrow.


2:50 pm

SHIT! What an incredibly intense 24 hours!! In no particular order.... I got paid!! Yes! $1000 -- actually 100,000 pesetas. So now I need to make a big decision. I still think I'm going to quit. I really don't want to continue. But the extra money would be nice. I still think I should continue past September 15th on a daily-paid basis. Earn a little more money, but make a commitment to leave. But I'll think some more on it this weekend. So anyway, last night at 9:00 I thought I'd never get the money. I was in a meeting with Bernardo, Andrés and Herbert thinking about what else I could steal and how I could cover my tracks. I'd have to get my working papers back. I was wondering how long it would be before they noticed the camera and two weddings missing. Herbert had just threatened to walk -- he actually got up and started collecting his things, saying, "You have my number." I thought, "Oh, shit, I'll never see that money!" But Andrés calmed him down. Bernardo had accused him (I think - all of this was in very rapid Spanish!) of over-estimating costs and keeping the extra money. He also said that Herbert hadn't done anything in 2 1/2 months. Herbert said Bernardo kept missing meetings, hadn't paid us or the phone bill. It was pretty ugly at times. I basically sat and watched. Like Europeans watching the Dream Team -- now knowing exactly what was going on , but MAN it was exciting!! I swear I was just giggling. What was I doing there anyway? Of all the spaces on earth, I was in that one. Life is fun! So it dragged on. Tempers were doused and we agreed on a plan for the future. "But wait," I finally got a chance to say. What about the present -- my money! They said they'd pay me today. And they actually did! Although I still had doubts until the very end!

After the meeting, I went to a party at cute, tall, blond, German Tomas' house with Joel and Helen. I had a great time. Tomas leaves today. Shame. Nice guy. Joel was being himself. He bought two huge steaks for us to grill -- and had to let me know what a great price he got from his butcher friend. He and Helen were really hitting it off. Actually, Tomas and I were, too. But he's leaving! Anyway! Helen and I (and sometimes Joel) were talking about discrimination -- racism and anti-gay/lesbian laws. I mentioned my involvement in gay/lesbian issues. Coming out slowly! So it was a really nice party. Then we went to Donde/Bolivia for a bit. Earlier, we had gone to Joel's place. It's his parents really. What a liar! Anyway, we swam in the pool on the hillside overlooking El Palo and the sea. Very nice. Joel, of course, was on his mobile phone the whole time speaking English, Dutch, Spanish and French. He really needs to try to impress people. Met his sister and her boyfriend and his parents. I didn't really care for Carrie. A lot like Joel. But her boyfriend, David, was fun. Although he made some comment about blacks taking over the Caribbean islands. WHICH they sail to with the charter company they work for. (Joel had told me his sister had a large yacht. It's not even hers!!) You know, Joel also mentioned -- he said it's a secret his father was privy to. Duh. -- that South Africa is going to have "one man, one vote real soon." Wow. Thanks. I'm impressed with that secret tidbit of current affairs. But he was bothered by it because "there will be problems with the end of white rule." Like there are no problems now! His parents seemed real cool. His mum has a pretty posh accent (as opposed to Carrie's pouty posh accent) And his dad's great. And while I was enjoying "the good life," I thanked God I didn't have their attitudes. But I was jealous of all the travel stories. Helen has been everywhere! How fascinating. So that was my past 24 hours. Too much!!

1:00 pm

So I'm on strike again. But this time, Herbert is too! He's pissed, too! There's a wedding on Saturday, so we have some leverage. And I have 2 finished weddings and a camera at home. Something has to happen. It's better than waiting until Tuesday. They haven't even paid the phone bill. It's been cut off. Stupid!

4:30 pm

Very suspicious again. Herbert's losing faith. He was complaining that he doesn't have any money, either. I now have the feeling I might be able to get another $300 or so from the weddings, but the money won't be there next Tuesday. Should I hang onto this camera for insurance? Yes! That, of course, would also mean that I can't travel. Hell, I don't know if i could stay through October. I got a letter from Matt today. Yea! He said I should be expecting a package soon. Yea! He told me that Kim Parfitt has been having a very difficult pregnancy. I need to write her, but don't have her address. I need to call Karen.


9:30 pm

Ran into Joel this afternoon. So we ended up going out for a drink. Then we went to get haircuts, but the place was full. Then we went over to Helen's, and Tomas was there, too. He invited us to his going away party tomorrow night. Cool. I decided not to go out to dinner with Joel and Helen tonight. I don't have the money, nor did I want to feel like odd man out. Joel's trying to get me to stay in Málaga. He said he'd take me to Canal Sur to introduce me around. And he said I should do independent productions. What is his story? Anyway, Helen's pretty interesting, too. She's been just about everywhere. But, you know, she seems a little "empty." too. Maybe she and Joel would be good together! But I haven't given up on him yet. Just going slowly as usual. Tomorrow we're going out on his boat! Yes! I'm enjoying this. The good life. So many cool experiences. I hope Jenny still comes to visit in October. She'd have a blast! Me, too!

12:40 am

Well, of course the video thing doesn't seem so important now that I'm not stoned. Interesting, ¿no? I did mention it to Annelies. But didn't really pursue it much. I spent 3 hours visiting with her and Elisabeth and Fernando. That was nice. Annelies is putting together signs for teaching yoga. I got paid $200 today. They still owe me $300. And $700 next Tuesday. Same old.


11:00 am

Great day. Overcast, a bit cool. And the streets are deserted because estamos en fiesta. It's the Día de la Patrona de Málaga -- la Virgen de la Victoria. Kinda an eerie feeling being downtown on a day like this. Refreshing, really. "This Charming Man" by The Smiths has been making a comeback on the radio. I like it. I don't know. I'm just enjoying floating through life right now.


8:00 pm

I love the beach at this time of day. It's so cool, the waves are all you hear, along with the church bells ringing out the hour. It's just so peaceful. No crowds. A good time to reflect. Annelies and I have been talking about relationships -- both gay and straight. She says Javier is interested in me, but I'm not in him. Annelies is really fascinating, albeit a bit long-winded. She's so open, so out-going -- like almost all the Dutch people I've met. I love the long shadows on the sand. I need to stay by water. Maybe I'll move to Guam. Or Boston. I'm not sure where that came from. I'm so happy when I don't spend any money. Because it means that I'll have more money to travel. That's where all the resources need to go now. All the "potential" income. Sevilla. Córdoba. Granada, the Algarve. Still ahead on the agenda in October. I wonder where I'll be on my 30th birthday.

3:30 pm

So I did the wedding last night. Pretty boring. But should be an extra $80. I'm still very frustrated with the language. But I talked with José about politics, work, etc. We had a little excitement finding the photo shop flooded upon our arrival there. Nice diversion. Anyway, the wedding was okay. I do enjoy the food. I've had some great fish -- swordfish, prawns, cream of lobster soup -- pork cutlets, veal, cream of almond soup, all sorts of fun things. But it's still work. I was talking to Eva, the Swedish secretary at Miramar, and De today. Complaining about Spain. Eva had her hours cut from 8 to 4 hours a day. Not enough to live on, of course, but what can you do? Everyone seems to have money problems here. I've decided that I'll offer to stay on at work if they pay me $5/hour daily. If not, I'll leave the 15th. And if I'm not paid by the 15th, I'll strike again. So really, only 7 more days, because they probably won't accept my offer. It would be nice to earn a little extra money until October. Then I'd have money to travel. Maybe it will work out yet!

10:50 pm

¡Hola! What a funny sound. I'd like to write about it, but I have to hang the laundry. Oh shit, it can wait. I was in my apartment -- stoned -- when Annelies called up to ask if I wanted to get my laundry. (I use her washing machine.) So I went and visited with her and Corrine. Annelies is so funny! We were talking about jobs -- like always, it seems -- and Annelies said she doesn't have to worry about that now since the government pays her. So she just meditates. Then she launched into a story of a "yoga retreat" on a hill, 7 kilometers from any villages, where she spent a week. She felt locked in with a bunch of loonies -- but she couldn't leave for a week. What a great experience. Anyway, "hola" came from the greeting as I passed by Danny and Matilde on my way back home.

Cooking popcorn in extra virgin olive oil. Strange mixture of Spanish and American gastronomic cultures. Oh yeah. Annelies was talking about De's family pictures from Ireland. How they looked like the Bronte family -- and there was De in the middle. Dressed to the nines in fashionable turn-of-the-century Irish outerwear -- with perfectly tilted hats. And here, De parades around half-naked and "beasting" (as Corrine says.) But she still wears a rakish straw hat!

So much salt in this popcorn. And dry. I was thinking that De's tilted hat is a hint of the conservative background from which she comes. A throwback to the old ways. I wrote back to Ann and Ann. They're so great. I said I was thinking about gay/lesbian educational issues as a field to get into. Ann H. is such a traveler. She says her feet belong to gypsies. Yes! It sure is interesting to see who writes/calls and who doesn't. Very interesting. Revealing. My back hurts.

Orange juice and popcorn. Love it! The juice here sure is good. It's interesting to compare Spain to the U.S. The U.S. is more health-conscious. Here everyone smokes, they tend to use a lot of salt, drinking's a way of life. Although I do see a lot of joggers along the beach. And they certainly walk a lot more here. It's also interesting to see they have a Youth Sexual Orientation Center in Málaga, with the phone number listed along with police, Red Cross, etc. on page two of the local paper. They also just liberalized abortion laws now, when the U.S. is about to de-liberalize them. José says it's amazing how far Spain's progressed in just 16 years of democracy. Yes, it is. Considering the U.S. has had 216! Shouldn't we know better by now? They've separated church and state, relaxed morality laws, extended rights to former outcasts. Supposedly, Gorbachev had Spain in mind when he thought of how best to democratize his country. The government is still definitely ahead of the people, however. Old traditions die hard. Still a lot of machismo. Still a sense of country bumpkin. It may take another generation. A poll said 85% of Spanish youth do not disapprove of homosexuality. That's certainly hopeful!

I just had the song "Cherish" by the Association going through my head. I loved that song! And "Hooked on a Feeling." I also liked "I Woke Up in Love This Morning." Wasn't David Cassidy just dreamy? (Is Shirley Jones dead? I can't remember! I know Carolyn Jones is dead. But Shirley? No, I think her husband, Marty Adler died.)

I've really upset myself. During last year's travels I thought it would be great to videotape people's "stories." A variety of travelers. Well, dammit, they're all here an Málaga. I've got the equipment. I could make a documentary. Annelies is full of stories. And De. Dave and Gitta. Joel. Julian. Mitchell. It could work. Another potential multi-million dollar project. Maybe I need to go back to the states for a little boost in confidence, first. I need Jenny here to push me. Or anyone. Myself? I've really been brain-storming this idea. Let's see if it goes anywhere. I feel I'm on the brink...of something.

1:00 am

I'm really angry with myself. Why didn't I think of this earlier -- when I had the equipment and time? Now I've got a week or so. I'll have to come back. Or do it somewhere else. Travels. I want to concentrate on that. International people, too. Young, "Let's Go"-types. God, life can be exciting. I have to get Annelies to help me.

2:40 am

Nice night. Went to Donde for a couple of hours. Saw Kasia and Gertrud, plus Manolo, Kiko and Kinny -- that cute, young stud from Madrid. And I met another cute German, although I was bummed that Tomas wasn't there. Kasia was talking about Oktoberfest. I'd love to go. But the money.... We'll see! I like these evenings when I "do it all." Except bring someone home with me!