4:00 pm

The past two days have been rather relaxing. Just sitting in the sun on my terrace. Not doing a thing, really. Yesterday, I talked to Bob. I miss him more every time I talk to him. We're trying to finalize his plans for visiting. I'm now 99% sure that I'm going to Detroit in 2 weeks! It'll be nice. Joaquin told me we can start in June, but only part-time. We'll see if it's worth it. Of course, I could teach English on the side, too. Or pursue my video free-lance ideas. What, me worry? Last night I decided to go to the centro alone to see the Semana Santa processions. I ran into Yop, Katherine and others from Miramar. We wandered around for a while, then went to a few bars. Several, actually. A few discos, too. Then to Salsa and finally Havana. I had been ready to go home at 2:00, but we didn't. Katherine knew the bartender, Estefan, at Havana, so he gave us free drinks! Then it started to pick up, so we danced and danced -- until 7:00. Then we went out for chocolate y churros. It was really quite fun! I stopped by Gitta and Barbara's as they were leaving for school at 8:30 am. I love when I have unexpected adventures like that! I met several new people, too. Yea! I'm thinking of going again tonight. Coming home early, of course. Actually, I can't afford to drink every night. I do enjoy partying with Yop, though. I saw Dave and Gitta Sunday night. They're such nice people. I hope things work out for them. Hey, I managed to write this without mentioning Andre. Almost!

1:00 pm

Yeah, yeah. I'm holding back the tears. Andre just left. Yes, it was as hard as I thought it would be. I guess I feel a bit better that he was also holding back some tears. On to a new chapter in life. He was a good addition to my life. But now I'm forced to be a little more independent and that will be good. Last night we had a bunch of people over here. Then we went to Bolivia. Others went to the centro while this new girl, Jeanette, who lived in Birmingham, Michigan for a year, and I went to see a blues band and then went dancing here in Pedregalejo. Then we ran into Yop at Donde. We thought of going to Havana, but couldn't find a taxi. So he and I came back here and talked on the terrace. It was a beautiful night. Very romantic. Ay! There I go again! He wants to move in here in May. Yes, I know he's not gay, but again (as with Andre) I think there may be potential. Funny how doors close and others open. All right, that's it for my moping and feeling sorry for myself. I'm really happy for Andre. Just a little sad for myself.

5:50 am

Well, we've been keeping late nights, haven't we? Tonight we went to the usual Bolivia and Salsa, but I drank a lot, so it was more fun! Barbara and I went to Duna -- a dance bar near home -- later. We danced a little. I danced a lot. Even after she left, I danced some more by myself. Fun, fun. I did drink a lot. And spent a lot. I wish that Joop (pronounced "Yop", as in Horton Hears a Who) had stayed with us. He's a pretty sexy guy. Another cute Dutch guy. Anyway, he's pretty nice. We ran into Bek -- the Danish guy now working at Expo. All in all, it was fun. But, of course, I didn't meet any new men! I did play tennis with Frank. He's not very good, but it was good to get out and exercise. He's a nice guy. He introduced me to his cute friend, Eric, who's an English teacher at his French school. Potential! I got a fax from Bob today. I miss him so! I tried to call Jane, Jenny, Alyssa, Jill and John tonight. Nobody was home! Nothing else new!

12:05 am

Hello! I've had a nice day. Beautiful weather. Spent the day on the beach. Then Barbara, Gitta, Andre and I went to La Paloma for dinner. Andre got a job in Tenerife. He's leaving on Sunday. I'm glad he doesn't have to go back to Holland, but of course, I wish he could stay on the Costa. Elke, a German girl, and her friend who's visiting, will move in for a week next weekend. That's cool. I went to my first gay bar (in Málaga) Wednesday night. It was okay until the drag show. It lasted an hour -- much too long. I didn't talk to a single person, nor did I dance. I hated that. I should've forced myself to talk to someone. But I didn't. On the way home, (I walked along the beach -- it was a beautiful night) I got "picked up" by this guy driving by. At first I said no. I thought he was saying something about chicken -- pollo. Later I found out that polla means cock! Anyway, we had cheap sex in the car. What the hell. Not what I had expected with the evening! I came out to the group today when I told them I went to a gay bar last night. Not much of a reaction, really. But I feel so good that I told then the truth. Especially Andre. Maybe I'll go again this weekend. Or to Torremolinos. Jane's coming in 2 weeks. Yea! I'm playing tennis with my neighbor, Frank, tomorrow. Got tons of mail yesterday. Barb Browne sent me Girls Scout cookies and the Free Press and Steve and Bettie sent my junk mail. Talked to Rebecca last night. Her brother-in-law, Paul, died last week. I'm keeping in good spirits lately. Positive attitude!

4:50 am

Oh, I just !hate! when I feel like this! I know it's irrational. But I'm so emotional. I get so attached. I live in such a fantasy world. As I was leaving Bolivia tonight I saw Andre making out with a girl. God, I was crushed! Stupid, I know. But that's just the way I am. I suppose it's for the best. I do feel better about him leaving now! Shit! Everything hits me so hard. I tried to call Becky and Bob, but neither was home. I really needed to talk to Bob. To boost my self-esteem, maybe. I need to be in love! Shit! Anyway, on the way back from the phone box, I passed by Deirdre's house and she invited me in. We ended up talking for over an hour. It was very nice. Again, something positive immediately after something negative. Yes, someone is watching over me. Nonetheless, I'm depressed now. I have to tell myself again! You have to do it yourself, Mike! You're on your own! Andre won't be there. Do it! And don't worry so much! Dammit. You're in Spain! You've got friends who love you. You've got money to make it for a while. You're okay!

6:00 pm

Well, I went to Gibraltar to buy a video camera, but didn't find one. They really didn't have what I wanted. Not that I'm sure of what I want. I'm now thinking of just waiting until I go home in May. Yeah, I'm still thinking of that. Shit, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Joaquin talked to me for an hour about his ideas. Again, very promising. Again, nothing definite. Same old. I need to ask him about a work permit. Then it would make all the sense in the world to go back in May. And it would give me at least a little bit of job security, ¿no? I'd better hang onto my money until I have a better plan. Andre still doesn't have plans, either. He's calling Menorca tomorrow. If he has a job there, he leaves immediately. If not, he'll probably go to Holland on Saturday. Shit. I'm applying for a job I saw advertised. A Spanish company needs video producers. María José helped me with the cover letter. I'll type it tomorrow. Becky left a message at school that her brother-in-law, Paul, died. I'll call her tonight. It's been a warm sunny (but windy) afternoon. What else? No sé. Andre, Gitta and I had dinner last night. With two bottles of wine. I enjoy doing that rather than going out. We just talked and talked -- about nothing much.

2:00 pm

Yea! The sun is shining again (on and off). It's been a long time. It's still pretty cool, though. Had a good time last night, but not great. Andre and I had dinner at Katherine and Claudia's -- two girls from our Salsa class. Met two new guys there, too. One is Dutch and has a personality very similar to Andre's. Very outgoing (and cute -- personality?) The other, Norbert, is much quieter. I hope to talk to him some more. His English isn't that great and his Spanish much worse. But it is nice to meet new people. Actually, I had seen Norbert at Bolivia and downtown before. Then we went to Bolivia -- boring -- and then to Donde -- a little better because we could dance, but I was still pretty bored. Only stayed out until 4:00.