4:50 am

Oh, I just !hate! when I feel like this! I know it's irrational. But I'm so emotional. I get so attached. I live in such a fantasy world. As I was leaving Bolivia tonight I saw Andre making out with a girl. God, I was crushed! Stupid, I know. But that's just the way I am. I suppose it's for the best. I do feel better about him leaving now! Shit! Everything hits me so hard. I tried to call Becky and Bob, but neither was home. I really needed to talk to Bob. To boost my self-esteem, maybe. I need to be in love! Shit! Anyway, on the way back from the phone box, I passed by Deirdre's house and she invited me in. We ended up talking for over an hour. It was very nice. Again, something positive immediately after something negative. Yes, someone is watching over me. Nonetheless, I'm depressed now. I have to tell myself again! You have to do it yourself, Mike! You're on your own! Andre won't be there. Do it! And don't worry so much! Dammit. You're in Spain! You've got friends who love you. You've got money to make it for a while. You're okay!