8:00 pm

I enjoyed the first day of class! It will definitely be a pain in the ass to get on the 7:10 train every morning. Classes start at 8:30 -- and today I was twenty minutes late. An 1:40 commute! I should be able to make it by 8:30, if I hurry from the train to the bus -- a 10 minute walk at least. Anyway, we took un paseo around the neighborhood. Stopped at a bodega for some wine-tasting -- at 9:30 am! Then we stopped at a cafe for desayuno. Great start to the day. Got a chance to talk to some classmates, too. Several are German, 2 are Dutch, one Swiss and one Danish. I'm going to miss out on a lot being here in Torreblanca. They seem like a partying group. I'll have to stay in Málaga a few days. I hope they can come out here one day, too. There's one really cute outgoing guy named Andreas. He's an entertainer. He's been performing at various resorts in Spain. Too cute, but seems to be straight. Harold seems very nice, too. Potential there. I'll see how the week goes before I make any decisions on if I should stay here or move into student housing in Málaga. They have 5 guys in one place. That'd be a drag. I like my privacy. I'm bummed that I won't have my morning sun on my terrace. I like both instructors. It'll be a great experience, I'm sure. I really wish I could pick up the phone and call my friends! I miss sharing things with them! // I'm still spending too much money. I finally bought some meat today! Things can be so intimidating. I have to remember that I rule! I can do anything! Have confidence!

4:30 pm

I just finished reading "Transitions." It's a very motivating book. And motivation is something that I need right now. I need to know that I'm doing the right thing. I need to trust myself and my instincts. I need to focus on what I want -- what makes me happy. I want to retreat now, but I mustn't. I have to continue forward. It's so hard for me to be focused. I get distracted so easily. Even while writing this, I stop and think of other things. I think, "There's so much to do," but I don't do it! I have to remember to take one step at a time. It's a process. There won't be one thing that will solve all my problems. meeting Dave on the plane was wonderful, but that was just one step in my journey. "There is no finish line." I've got to keep moving forward, not back. Don't stop in the middle of the road while crossing. You'll end up like the poor confused squirrel. Road kill. Yes, you can do it, Mike. You will be successful. But it will take both time and energy. No shortcuts allowed!


10:45 pm

I'm stoned in Spain! Listening to Billy Bragg! Life is good. I just wish my friends could be here to experience this. I just called Alyssa. I can't wait for people to get my letters 10 days later. I want to share the excitement! I've been really up this evening. I know things will continue to be great. (The train is rumbling beneath me.) I like this "New England" that I've found. One of the reasons I chose the Costa del Sol was because of it's high English population. I have the experience of living in England without the dreary weather! God, it makes sense, doesn't it? Choose the best of all worlds! Maybe we're all destined for something. The question is: will you realize it and go get it? Follow your bliss! I can't think of anywhere else I should be right now than in Torreblanca del Sol, Spain, overlooking the Mediterranean, stoned, listening to Billy Bragg -- and recording it for posterity. My apartment is over "the club" and they're being pretty noisy tonight! It's the "real" bar in the pueblo. They have a TV, pool tables, etc. But Dave and Gitta's place, "La Posada," has character. An Anglo-Spanish "Cheers." I wish I had a camcorder. That's what I need to pursue next. Go out and get it, Mike! Have faith. It will work. You'll make it work! You have in the past. Fate is guiding you. Let the creativity flow. Be entrepreneurial. Find a void and fill it. It can work. You've got the skills, the common sense, the people skills. Sounds easy, doesn't it? It's the self-confidence that's the hardest part. That's what I need to work on to make it happen. I have to truly BELIEVE this pep talk I've written. Read this over and over and over!!


11:00 pm

I wonder if I lived in England in a former life. I have such a strong feeling for Victorian England. Dickens. Mary Poppins. Maurice. I just love it. I must have lived it. I think I was fairly successful. I can see myself in top hat and tails, lamb chop sideburns, walking briskly through the winter's cold. Or maybe it was just a movie I saw once. Or maybe "A Christmas Carol" in high school really influenced me. It's fascinating. // I need to call Lark tomorrow. I never got ahold of her before I left. I try to imagine my friends' reactions when they receive my letters. I hope they're so excited. I hope I can convey some of the excitement I'm experiencing! It's too much for one person. It has to flow over to them. // I want to be an entertainer. A musician, maybe. Or an actor. Or a politician. I want to be in the limelight. I want people to admire me. This is very heady stuff. It shocks me that I'm writing it. It's really revealing something about me to myself. Maybe a writer, eh?

7:00 pm

I felt really down today. Missing people. Feeling lonely. So I went for a walk to sit in the sun and read. Just 1/4 mile up the road from here is a gorgeous spot to watch the sun set over the mountains. This place is incredible. As I was sitting there, reading, along comes this horse up the lane, panting. He stopped by, I petted him and he was on his way. Very peculiar. Very different. Yes, this place is that. Very different. I found an English-language radio station. Music's not as good as Canal Sur Uno, but at least I can understand the news. I went to the market in Arroyo de la Miel today. I bought a ton of onions, potatoes, garlic and oranges. Haven't figured out kilograms, yet! I'll never eat them all. Well, maybe the oranges. I wish I had a TV with Sky TV. The Winter Olympics begin tomorrow. Never satisfied, am I? I looked at some of the villas with fantastic views and thought that would be cool. the smell of burning wood is heavy in the air around here. It's very nice. It's a magical place. I saw an ad for camcorder rentals in the paper. I need to check it out. I'm sure it's expensive, but it would be a good way to see if there's any interest. I could put an ad in the paper or something. Man, I have this obsession to work! No. Rather to make money! I know I need to in order to stay here. And I really want to stay. I've been looking at ads for apartments to rent and even to buy. Perhaps some day. I'm really antsy. So many thoughts are going through my head. Should I take the $10,000 from the sale of dad's house (when/if it ever comes) and "go for it" over here? Buy video equipment, a Macintosh and try to set up a business (albeit illegal)? Should I pursue teaching English? Expo '92? The Olympics don't appeal to me right now. I'm only supposed to stay in Spain for 6 months of each year, but hell, they didn't even stamp my passport. I'm not even officially here! They did take my landing card, though. It'd be a drag to get things rolling and then get thrown out of the country! Ah, but Mike, let fate take control. It'll happen. It'll work out. Believe!!

10:00 am

I had some rather strange dreams last night. in one, I was getting ready to move to Spain. I was at my dad's house trying to get everything sorted out. I had forgotten about this or that. I was panicking. Similar to real life, actually! But then I had to run to school -- I think it was Bishop Foley -- to finish some things. I was directing a play and our rehearsal area wasn't available. I was leaving that day, but the play wasn't until the weekend. I gave all the kids hugs. Then I was backstage at another play. I think I had just returned from Spain. Donna, Maureen Zack, Sari Shapiro and Janet Savoy were there. I still didn't know who had gone on to second interviews fro my job, but there wasn't time to ask. Everything was so rushed! All three dreams were very hectic. Last night was Gitta's birthday party. It was fun. There was a Spanish couple, Paco and Loli, and their little girl, Veronica who was singing and dancing flamenco all night. Gitta told Loli that I spoke Spanish, so my skills were tried. I don't think I did very well. But she was very nice. When introduced, she came over, shook my hand and offered her cheek for me to kiss. I didn't quite expect that, and said, "Gracias" or something! But now I know the custom for the future! There was a retired British couple there, too. Barbara and Wally. Everyone's so nice. I met a neighbor yesterday while we were on our terraces. I'd love to stay here. Even though there aren't people my age! I'll have to meet some of the Spanish guys who play basketball on the Paseo. Or those who play tennis near here. Oh, another dream I had involved my friends here. They somehow had gotten ahold of my letters and translated then into Spanish for me. How strange.

10:00 am

Here I am again, feeling like I should be doing something. Well I am. I'm enjoying breakfast in the sunshine on the terrace. Why do I think I need to be reading or writing, too? I have a need to do more than one thing at a time. Enjoying breakfast with my thoughts should be good enough!

8:30 pm

I figured out a new budget. I can live on what I have until the end of April. Three months. Then I'll have to find work of get out of here. Why am I thinking about this already? Can't I just enjoy what I have right now? Why the concern for the future? Things will happen as they happen. Doris Day sang it best. Que será, será. I might even get tired of this after three months. I'm already antsy. No TV, no newspapers, few friends, no dog. I'm glad Minka and Lady are part of the group. But really, at times I'm just restless. I don't feel like reading -- it's too cold in here anyway. I must get the heater fixed. I do like listening to the Canal Sur Uno radio station. Good mix of British, American and Spanish pop and new music. I probably should read the "Teaching English" book that I have. there I go again. Trying to work when I should just be experiencing this "neutral zone." I miss my friends! Yow. Only gone 4 days. It was sunny and 70° today. I hope that keeps up. But it still gets cold at night. I froze last night. I even slept with my clothes on and 3 blankets! I feel good today, though, even without much sleep.

12:40 pm

One of the things I enjoy so much about Dave and Gitta, as well as the others I met last night, is that they're so real. It's cute the way Dave teases Gitta and she's embarrasses by his actions. Like when he put on Dweezil Zappa after we were listening to the very soothing sounds of Out of Africa. I, of course, wanted to hear Dweezil, but Gitta thought it was not appropriate and begged Dave not to put it on. And just joking about farting from the lentils and talking about feeling fat. It was just like being with my friends. They are my friends. Perhaps, I even knew them in a past life. I'll take a walk to Fuengirola today and come back for a drink at the bar.