1:15 am

Shit. I wish I could write! I want to convey the events of watching the Spanish coverage of the U.S. elections. It's pretty fun! But I can't write much, because I cut my hand in a stupid freak accident with the oven and had to get 5 stitches! Annelies and Fernando took me to the hospital at midnight. We weren't sure it needed stitches, but decided it would be better to go. What a stupid thing to happen right now. But they took care of me in 20 minutes and I didn't have to pay a thing! Socialized health care. What a great topic for this night. In fact I told the doctor that's one reason I liked Clinton. Nationalized health care. Anyway, it's looking good for Clinton -- yay!! But it's only 7:30 pm in the east. Things won't really be assured for several hours yet.

1:54
I had to add this about my medical experience. When I came in they asked me my name and age. After the doctor put in the stitches (puntos) he transferred my name to another sheet, asked what neighborhood I lived in and said good-bye. That was all the information they needed! A little different from the US health care system!

10:30 pm

Yowzie! I'm watching the closing of Expo '92 live from Sevilla. I was wishing I had recorded it somehow -- to show people what Expo was like. And I'm thinking of how I could describe everything. Of course, I can't. There's no way to relate all the sights and sounds, the sensations of everything. The water/laser show just finished for the 180-something-th time. How do you describe it? I can't even try. Shit. I want to try, but can't start. Sensory overload. Makes me think of telling people about my experience in Spain. So much to say. No possible way to tell it all. Perhaps my time here has paralleled Expo '92. How fitting that I'm leaving shortly after its closing. The King is speaking now. Giving the closing address. What a busy year for him. All the speeches, all the visiting dignitaries because of Expo and the Olympics. What a year for Spain! And to think I was here to take it all in. Curro. Cobi. Now history. And today, the 500th anniversary of Columbus' landing. All behind us now. What an incredible year it's been for Spain. For me! And tomorrow -- an hour from now -- my 30th birthday. What lies ahead? (I just heard there wasn't a single robbery reported at Expo. Can that be true?) I can't believe it's over. Expo. My time here in Málaga. My twenties. All behind me now. What to look forward to now? Cartuja '93? Costa Rica? Thirty-something? Wow. I'm sitting here thinking I can do anything with my life. So many options! So many possibilities! It's really incredible, isn't it? To not have ni puta idea where I'll be in three months. Incredible! (I'm watching a movie in which Rutger Hauer is pursuing some A-rabs, in full A-rab dress, in a factory. Strange thing is: it resembles a dream I once had.) Elisabeth and I saw a great Spanish film called, "Jamón, Jamón" tonight. Typically Spanish. In the style of Pedro Almódovar. Bizarre. I was so pleased to find I understood probably 90% of it. And by speaking Spanish all weekend with Frank and Annelies, I feel I'm really close to fluency. But I have to continue it. That's why I'm thinking of Costa Rica. Or Barcelona. Those are two leading contenders right now. What the hell? Why not do it? I've really realized that you have to "go for it" in life. I'm so glad I'm high. I love to write -- really just think -- when I'm high. And to observe and reflect on the world. On so many topics. I'm just fascinated. But I wonder if anyone else will clue in? Could they ever understand all that I'm trying to record? Doubtful, no?

I wish I could record the video things I see on television. They're showing a Málaga documentary on the community TV station. It would be a great thing to show my family and friends. "My town." Of course, they wouldn't understand the narration! I love TV! Oh shit. Joder. Here I go again loving everything. Like I wrote about last time I was stoned.

You know, when I think a lot about Spain, or when I do things like going up to the mountains this weekend, I think I need to come back to Spain. There's so much more to discover! But still... Not to Málaga. I still need to push ahead. I can't be stagnant. That's why Barcelona probably has the edge right now. Although Detroit may be a wild card that turns up unexpectedly. What if I stumble upon a great job? Stability still has a strong pull on me. It's funny how I didn't mention a possible relationship keeping me in Detroit. I really don't dwell on those things anymore. It's for the best. Digo yo. Annelies, Frank and I kept saying that all weekend. A little jab at Spanish lexicography. What? Gotta think about that one. Giant leap, huh? After seeing Jamón, Jamón, and reading into it that relationships can really mess up your life, I'm pretty content on going it alone for now. Yes, for now. It's not like I'm "giving up on love." It's just that there's so much more out there. And sometimes relationships get in the way. Well. They at least direct you in different ways. Different caminos. Life. Ain't it grand? I'm so happy all the time these days. Sure, there's the boredom and frustration of work, but there is so much excitement in my life now. I can't give that up, can I? I mean, I don't doubt and second-guess myself like I used to. I'm enjoying new experiences. I'm in control here, as Alexander Haig once said. What a feeling.

Look out! Now I'm listening to Apollo 18 by They Might Be Giants. I'll always remember this summer in Málaga when I hear it. And Strange Angels by Laurie Anderson. My two favorite CDs to get stoned to.

We walked and drove through a lot of cork tree forests today. Pretty neat. I love being in nature. And the mountains. They are incredible, aren't they? And the sea. So powerful. What a terrific combination of so many geographies Andalucía has. A bit wordy, but from the heart. Man. Exactly one year ago I was in the Vegas airport getting my blue Miata convertible. So this is it! I'm actually 30 years old! I'm so excited! To be where I am in life on my 30th birthday. What a surprise! What a fantasy! To be living in Spain as I turn 30. Whoda thunk it?

7:00 pm

I'm feeling very "miss-y" and misty-eyed. I'm lonely. I want to "go home." I don't want to stay until November if I can't travel. I can't travel if I don't have money. I won't have money if I don't work. I can't work if I want to travel. Hoo Boy. We're being whiney. I have no desire to go to the beach. It's too hot to ride. So I've been inside all afternoon. Got a letter from Carolee, and mail from Steve. Right now I have $3000 in the bank. Shit. I need to work, don't I? Didn't get paid again. Didn't meet with Bernardo. Same old. Don't know what I'm gonna do. Down. Down. Down. I've got to get out of this house! I'll just get on the bike and go -- somewhere. I could go for a nice Michigan snowstorm right now! Arrgh! I can't believe I said that! But it's true...


8:30 pm

So it was a nice bike ride. Went a little way up the "tetas." And I'm exhausted. But I feel good, too. My back has been hurting again -- but in a different place. Great. I've been being a news-aholic lately. Nine-o-clock Spanish news. ABC News in the morning. But I only buy papers every 3 days or so. Too expensive! I hope I don't have to take $$ from my Visa. The dollar has plummeted. I like when this neighborhood black kitten comes over to play. He got into my apartment in the middle of the night the other night. Scared the hell out of me. I want to write tonight. Stoned.


9:15 pm

So I'm watching what appears to be the weekly bullfight round-up. Actually, there are shows on 2 channels. Reviewing the Ferias of Malaga and Bilbao. Ouch. A picador got thrown but good. Looked like a ragdoll. I think they said he'll be okay. Yow. I'm flipping from the news -- Hurricane Andrew in Miami. Double yow! 42° in Sevilla -- that's 108° F. Only 35° here. And, man, I can't believe what's going on in Sarajevo. Stunned. How can there be such hatred -- between neighbors. Miami isn't the capital of Florida! Y'know, Kiko told me yesterday that he doesn't like the Feria. And not just because of the crowds. He doesn't like people dancing Sevillanas. This is Malaga, not Sevilla! They should be dancing Malaguenas. Well, that's just silly. Besides, there are some people dancing Malaguenas. Malaguenan Pride. Here's an interesting ststistic. 85% of Spanish youth don't disapprove of homosexuality. Surprising. Documentary on pinguinos on the Moroccan channel. In French. Man, they can swim fast!


11:30 pm

Well, Anneleis came over and we watched "El Dorado" and ate popcorn and drank juice. Nice. I had been jammin' with The Smith's. I had thought of going out tonight, but I won't. Save up and go out tomorrow. I have 1000 pesetas to my name! I should call Kasia and arrange a tennis match, but my back hurts again.

11:00 am

So I’m back at work today. Herbert’s not here yet -- money’s not here yet! At least I do have some work to do. Looking through tapes, finding usable shots for a promo video. I keep telling myself to hang on for another four weeks, but my heart just isn’t in it. I think I can’t hold on anymore. I want to get out. I want to run away. Run home. Be safe. It is and option. And a very good-looking one these days. I wish Steve would send me my mail so I could see how much money I don’t have. So Herbert just called. He’s over at Bernardo’s trying to find out about my money. This’ll be interesting. I’m fed up with nothing working here. Now the Beta machine is down. Along with 2 other dubbing decks, the camera lights, one camcorder’s sound -- the other is still lying in pieces from 30 May. I really see absolutely no future.


11:00 pm

I’m feeling rather thought-less tonight. I don’t have a clue what to write about. Feeling blank. I wonder if I “need” drugs in order to be creative. Seems that way sometimes. I talked with super-cute Fran today. He was on vacation in Galicia and is now going to Ibiza. Ibiza! I thought he was gay! God, he’s cute. Um..... So Herbert never came in this morning. I still don’t have my money. Absolutely ridiculous. Y’know, I’m hoping that something will happen to “force” me to quit. Although I kinda enjoyed playing with ideas for the promo. As long as I have a concrete goal. An idea of what I’m supposed to do. Usually, I don’t have a clue. Went to the beach with Jeannet today. The waves were great! I’ll go to Bolivia tonight to look for Joel. Tomorrow’s Friday already. I wonder if we have a wedding Saturday or next Saturday. I should make an audiotape this weekend. It’s funny how I equate time with TV. It’s 11:20. I should be watching the local news. In the morning, I should be watching “The Today Show.” At 7:30, Jeopardy. I really don’t miss prime time, however. Oh, I just had a thought. No college football! Saturdays won’t be the same.

10:30 pm

I wanted to relate Friday night's activities. Gitta and I went out to dinner then met María José and some other friends at Casa del Conde. Then we went out to Bar Salsa for a while and danced. It was nice to see María José again. And going out with Gitta is always fun. Unfortunately, she drank a bit too much and got sick on the taxi ride home. We had to stop on the beach half-way home. We stayed there about an hour. She'd get sick, then sleep, then repeat. She kept telling me to go on and leave her. That she would be fine. Right! Passed out on the beach with her purse and all. I just sat tight. Finally, I got a taxi and we made it back to the campground this time. But just barely. How funny. Reminded me of Carnaval in Cádiz, of course. Andre and I getting sick and walking back to the car. Today I went on quite a long bike ride. It was so nice. I went east, past Rincón de la Victoria along the beach. A much less congested stretch of road than the 340 towards Torremolinos. And there was a decent breeze, so it wasn't too hot. Finally, after about 20 km, I saw a sign for Playa Naturalista. I thought it meant Nature Beach. It was a nude beach! Well, of course I stayed. Pretty interesting. But an awful lot of old naked men. There were a few families and couples, too. Both nude and un-nude. I was un-nude! I had planned to go swimming naked, but before I got the nerve, the waves got real big, so I didn't go in. Actually, I'd have loved to, but no one else was going in then, so I didn't either. I'll have to go back some time. The ride back was hell! A helluva head wind. But I survived. I really need to ride more out into the campo. Or just out to clean beaches! I started thinking that I should travel on my bike for a week around Andalucía. Those are the kinds of things I wanted to do! Fuck this work shit. I'm glad I went. I really needed that lift of doing something different. Of traveling! Andre arrives tomorrow. Another adventure beginning. Alyssa's friend, Karen, is supposed to be in Fuengirola starting Wednesday, but I don't know where exactly. I wonder what Dan Quayle will say about the presence of torch-bearing demons in the Closing Ceremonies of the Olympics. Against family values, I'd say! I'm reading the book Transitions again. I think it'd be good to read now -- 6 months later. Where am I in my transition?

// Now this is interesting. The athletes are staging a revolution. They've invaded the stage and are acting like hooligans. Ouch. Big black eye, folks. They're climbing up the sides, jumping up and down. I doubt the stage was built for this. Absolute disaster waiting to happen. How many people have died in stadium/stage collapses? And the world's best athletes? This is really scary.

11:50 pm

What a strange thing! Hearing the National Anthem after the basketball game instead of before. "El Dream Team" won the Olympic gold. Everyone wants to be part of the excitement. Take pictures. The coverage on NBC must be incredible! If the rest of the world is so thrilled by this team, what is the American reaction? It's probably like a national holiday there. Then again, maybe it's bigger here because of the Olympics being here and the novelty of the quality of the basketball played by these magicians. And Magic is the big story over here, too. But now the victory ceremonies are over and we're back to the studios of TVE2 with an interview of the Spanish gold-medalist in the 1500m. I doubt NBC has that! They're probably spending another hour on post-game stuff. Kinda like the NBA finals. And it is live there -- only 5:50 pm. Perfect timing. NBC must have arranged the finals time. I must admit that TVE2 must have more complete coverage than NBC. It's been 24 hours a day of Olympic coverage for 15 days. That's pretty darn amazing! I came home at 4:30 am, turned on the TV and watched a replay of the table tennis finals. Betcha NBC didn't have that, either! It's been a great media experience watching the Olympics from a Spanish point of view. "The Home Team." In two senses: the host country and the local country. Like L.A. in '84. But it's funny that I wasn't in the U.S. for those Olympics. I was in London! What an incredible spectacle it has been. God, I'm so glad I bought this TV! I've really watched a lot of these games. I'm going to miss it! (I can't believe they're still interviewing this runner -- too long!) I like the way they cut from whatever event is happening to coverage of the victory ceremonies of the Spanish medalists. And they have been pretty amazing with their gold medals. When I felt it was getting too Iberian, I flipped over to the Moroccan channel to watch their coverage. It was mostly the same feed without the Spanish bent. And they didn't talk so much. But when they did, it sounded funny! It's a strange station. Right now, they have an orchestra of white-robed fez-heads playing Arabic music. I mean, you don't see this in the U.S. Not even on public access. Okay, you'd see similar stuff on channel 62 sometimes! Arab Voice of Detroit. That's what it's like! Surreal. Anyway, they usually speak in Arabic, but occasionally it's French. One commercial will be one language, the next will be the other. And, Oh-My-God!, the production quality! I've caught a couple of soap operas. The lighting, the sets, the acting! Horrible! There's a job for me! Improving production quality of Third World television programming! Can you believe I'm still watching this Arabic music program? I have the headphones on, so I can hear it very well and I can walk around the room. No! It can't be! It's a Moroccan youth chorus singing, in English, or something vaguely similar, "The Answer is Blowing in the Wind." With full orchestra -- okay, strings. But this band is fez-less. Okay, now they're singing some French song. I don't think I can stand much more of this. So now I've turned back to the late-night re-cap of today's Olympic events. Watching the Americans' World Record 4 x 400 meters. And the javelin and Women's High Jump finals. Now it's an interview with the mayor of Barcelona. Bien. I can watch a bit of the Malagueñas '92 festival on Canal Málaga. Basically, a public access-type local channel. They often have interview shows -- with those same public access plastic plants! -- and badly-lit terrible acoustical local music presentations. She's really getting into this song. I do like the emotion of Spanish traditional music. This reminds me of the journal we had to keep on British media when I was in London for Mass Media study. I should've gotten high and written it. Would've been more insightful, I'm sure. I could write a lot about Spanish media. But it's so tiring to write so much. I wish I had a computer. I'm thinking about how much I'd like to write about. I haven't even written about last night yet! But it's time to take a break. I do need to write more. But I need to get high to do that. No wonder so many writers are drunks! Okay, I can't stop yet. I'm watching a lesbian sex scene on Canal Sur. I mean, totally naked and graphic. I must say I even find it a bit erotic. But what the hell is this doing here? And are they going to give equal time to the men? Oh, here's a hetero scene. And the guy's not even very attractive. Now, Canal Sur, Andalucía's regional station, usually shows more cultural programs. Lots of music. From 7 - 10 every morning, they have "Tele-Expo." a tri-lingual Expo infomercial giving info on the day's events. Interviews, entertainment, weather from Expo. During the evenings, there are occasional bullfights or Sevillanas. But no, tonight it's a goofy 70s sex movie! Now there's a black woman in a gold lamé bikini rubbing her crotch as she watches the hetero couple roll around and have sex on the lawn. STOP!

// 125,000 people were at Camp Nou for the Olympic soccer final tonight. An incredible game. And won by the home team with a final seconds goal. Amazing. I'm watching another Olympic highlights show on another station. A privatized national channel -- Antennae 3. There's a recap of The Dream Team's presence here in Spain. Incredible publicity. Magic did some appearance "for the kids" at a Barcelona Toys R Us. Weird. But it was a top story on the evening news. Wow. Spain has 13 gold medals. Great. Here's a replay of the archer (from Málaga) who shot the Olympic fire up to the torch at the Opening Ceremonies. And wasn't Prince Felipe so cute carrying the flag? Okay, back to "Playboy Tonight" on Tele-Cinco -- another privatized station. It's a nude beach photo session, This playmate is the daughter of a playmate from 1960. I think they're showing "Cruising" now. I don't think I'll like this. But I'll watch it.

4:20 am

I was getting travelers checks at the credit union today. The woman asked where I was going and how long. I said Spain and I don't know. I told her I was moving and she was so excited for me. She said her parents loved Málaga. The guy at the service station giving me the emissions test was equally impressed. I like making that impression on people's lives. I've been writing constantly. I've been writing a letter. It's so fun sharing my experiences.


10:00 am

Transferring from Heathrow to Gatwick aboard a very bumpy bus. As you can see from the writing. Ah, London. I do love this place. Hate the weather! It took me 20 minutes to find the right place to get a voucher for the bus. It's free, though. Travel always includes uncertainty. And delays. Luckily, I checked my bags through to Málaga. that's a relief. This small backpack and briefcase are heavy enough. I'll never be able to carry everything. Maybe I'll have to break down and take a cab in Málaga. I'd like to find a hotel barrato so I could stay at least two nights and get a bit settled in. A lot of birch trees here in England. It's a dreary, chilly day. Can't wait to see the sun! Back home, they're still in bed. Eating a Kit-Kat bar, thinking of Lark. I have so many friends. I am truly blessed.


11:30 am

Lots of police here at Gatwick. No trash bins -- I guess they're too easy to place bombs in. And, yes, the bobbies do carry guns. At least at the airports. You know, I love British commercials. I'm watching TV in the lounge. Very graphic and stark adverts about smoke alarms and immunizations. I should stop watching TV. It's numbing my brain.