2:30 pm

I feel I should write, write, write. So much to say. But I also feel I should sleep, sleep, sleep. Even though I didn’t get up until 12:30 today. Went to another disco -- Carambuco -- with Joel. I loved the music. A lot of my old college faves -- Talking Heads, the Cure, Dexy’s, Sugarcubes. But there was nobody there. Too bad. It’s a wonderful open-air disco out in the country. Beautiful setting. The Polish girl, Kasia, and 2 Germans and 2 other friends of Joel’s came, too. The German guy, Tomas, is rather attractive. Ay. Another fantasy lover. But he’s tall, short blond hair (I love that), well-built, nice smile. He’s a psychiatrist, 31 years old. Must pursue. I’ve been fantasizing about Joel, too. Gettin’ dangerous. He still talks, talks, talks, about girls, but the way he looks at me ... Aw, I’m gonna drive myself crazy! He’s so nice to me. I saw him at Bolivia Thursday. First thing he said was, “You blew the job of your life!” Seems he had been to Bolivia looking for me Tuesday and Wednesday nights. In fact, he brought the producer from Canal Sur with him! There was an opening for a camera/audio position. Joel said he even came to my apartment complex and called me at work. Couldn’t locate me. So they gave the job to someone else! $1800/month. Oh well. I’m being pretty philosophical about it. It just wasn’t “meant to be.” Maybe something else will come up. Joel’s going to London on Monday -- said he’ll look into what’s available. The BBC does a lot of shooting down here. I’m really feeling like I want to go back anyway. So it just doesn’t matter! I had expected to go out “for a drink” just to see Joel on Thursday. But he invited me to Oh! Marbella!, the exclusive disco in Marbella. Of course, I accepted! There were two other guys going, Kenny -- a Spanish guy, pretty obnoxious -- and a German named Uli. So we went over to Donde to find some girls to come with us. Que guay. Finally, after a 1/2 hour search and several rejections, two girls agreed to come. We had two cars. Joel wanted me to ride with him -- just the two of us. Makes you go, “Hmmm.” When we stopped for gas, I noticed the invitations on the dashboard -- Black and White Party (I was wearing jeans and a pink shirt, hadn’t put cologne or even deodorant on, looking scruffy -- really feeling like I’d fit in in Marbella!), and it said it was for August 18. Never mind that this was August 20. Oh well. I, of course, kept my mouth shut. I just wanted to see what would happen. So we drive the 30 miles to Marbella and arrive at this beautiful setting. At the door, the invitations were refused -- I’m having fun now. Luckily, Joel knew one of the workers. Apparently, he had brought some famous actors and producers there once, so he’s got some clout there. The place was gorgeous. Rather packed. Typical techno music on the dance floor inside. Outside, there was an incredible pool -- often used as a location for commercial shoots, says Joel -- surrounded by tables and chairs and a jazz band on stage. Very nice. There was also access to the beach. This was about 3:30 am when we arrived. We stayed about an hour. The girls danced, Uli danced a bit. I thought it strange that we had spent all that time tracking down these girls and then ignored them! I ordered a beer. Joel had told me it would be expensive, but I didn’t pay for it. Well, she never asked me! I had my 2000 pesetas ready! I’m so glad I didn’t pay. I’m so broke! So anyhow, we left and I was home at 5:00 -- after I had told myself, “2:00 at the latest.” Right. Joel and I did get a chance to talk a little on the drive. I’m becoming more and more attracted to him. He seems to like me, too. But keeps talking about girls. I say nothing on the subject. I think he was a little jealous when Kasia gave me her telephone number. We’re going to play tennis sometime. So when I have nights like these past two, I think, “Wow, I could really like it here.” But I do need to change my job situation. It’s just bringing me down! But the social life’s been bringing me right back up. I’m actually enjoying Donde/Bolivia! Because I’m meeting people. Why is that so hard for me to do? Joel is so good at it! I found out his mother is English, father is French and he was born in Malaga. He also works for a Dutch clothing company called Nomad. Damn interesting guy. Rafa came over last night. I was supposed to meet him and Kiko at Donde, but didn’t see them. Tengo que practicar mi espanol. I haven’t gotten any mail lately. Arrgh. I wonder if Steve has paid my Visa bill. I may need to dip into that account soon. Shit. I don’t want to spend the rest of my savings. But I don’t want to work either! People love my American accent! That’s nice. I haven’t gone back to the Feria. Too bad. It is kind of fun seeing people on horseback occasionally riding down the street or on the beach! Only in Spain. Only during the Feria!