3:50 pm

Well, I decided I'd better do something with these afternoons off, so I'm on a train to Alora. I'm not sure what's there. We'll see. I've been trying to be "introspective" lately. Trying to decide "what I really want." Obviously, I'm still in a state of transition, because what I want changes every day. I got a wonderful letter from Neil. He's so insightful. Told me I have to "pull myself together" before I start a relationship with Bob. Nothing new, of course. Just that it makes sense now. I also know that whatever decision I make, things will be fine. For the first time in a while, I'm thinking maybe I will return to Spain after November. I'm pretty sure my "time" here will not have been up yet, so I should return. I'm more and more excited about teaching English, too. Yes, some people tell me it will be hard to find something, but I have to keep in mind all that I've accomplished already! It was "an impossible dream," but I'm doing it! You can succeed, Mike! You have succeeded! So I'm heading for Alora. I hope I can get a train back before 8:00. I love this spontaneity. Why don't I do it more often? Stupid! I've thought a lot more about needing to be on my own more. It would be easy to run back to (or even call) my friends in Detroit. So who needs ease? Anyhow, I'm supposed to go out with Andre at 8:30. It's been nice having him here. Someone to "force" me to do things. But still... I need my time alone. But now I'm getting out of my rut. So much potential all around me. I'm going on an incredible journey. Into myself! Finding out about me! So many new discoveries waiting to occur. Teaching English. It would give me flexibility. I could do it anywhere in the world! And usually there are summers off to travel or visit friends and family. Makin' some sense now. I guess this is my current "thing." Let's see if I stick with it. I could pursue a certificate here in Spain. Or I could try without one for a while. Hell. I complain that I can't travel now. I don't have the time or the money. Fuck that noise! Of course I do. Make it work. So you eat bread for the next week. Spending the weekend traveling is worth it, ¿no? This Transitions book talks about un-learning things. That's so hard. To realize that there are other ways to do things. Other lives to live. Be reborn. Be a new you.