10:30 am

Bob and I are beginning our fourth day together. It's been pretty wonderful. We're in Trujillo in Extremadura. We were just passing through and saw an old castle here, so we decided to stay. This is the kind of traveling I wanted to do. We took a detour off the main highway on the way and saw some beautiful little towns, mountains and countryside. I enjoyed Madrid, but felt a little on edge there. So busy, so many people. We stayed in a nice hotel just off the Puerta del Sol. We went to the Plaza Mayor and El Prado, but didn't do many other touristy things. We found a great outdoor gay cafe. Met three American students who were really nice. We got pretty drunk that first night, actually. We both even smoked cigarettes! But it was so nice to sit and hold hands. We talked about Bob moving here. He said he can't because he needs to be close to his parents. It's hard for me to accept that, but I can certainly understand it. He's such a special person. I'm just so afraid of "losing him" to someone else. That just wouldn't be right. I think we're destined for each other. Why can't we work out the details? Last night, after a nice dinner in the Plaza Mayor in Trujillo (home of Francisco Pizarro), we went up to the castle again. It was so romantic! Among the Moorish ruins under the stars, we kissed and professed our love for one another. Bob quoted from MacBeth. Said we should kill the king and drink hemlock. I thought it was more like Wuthering Heights. All this was under the watchful eye of the gyrating virgin. Legend has it that the Virgin Mary appeared here in 1275, so they've erected a shrine to her. the statue faces out over the city, but when you put in 25 pesetas, it's supposed to turn around and face inside. But it was broken. No twirling Madonna.

10:00 pm

Shit. Work has been grueling. Bernardo told us that he doesn't like the way I've edited the individual tapes. He wants more close-ups and frills. Vale. We can do that if he wants. I'm so tired of work, though. Two more long days and one short one. I talked to Bob yesterday. I think we're both equally excited about this rendezvous. There is just so much that I want to see and do, but we don't have enough time! And I'll feel guilty if I don't work a few days the second week. I want to write to Matt and Eli and others, but I have no time! Angie is really nice. She took me out to dinner last night and is cooking dinner tonight. I haven't been looking for an apartment. I need to soon. With or without Frank. I think the Bloomies are today. I should call. But I'll probably sleep right after dinner! I've been thinking more about my Bed and Breakfast idea. I think it would be fantastic! I really do enjoy meeting travelers. I think Bob and I could do it! Visualize it! Make it real! There really is nothing beyond one's grasp. You just have to be willing to go for it. Damn. I really want to call BHC. They should be preparing for the Bloomies right now. But, I don't think I will. I'm not sure why not. // Okay, so I did just try to call, but got no answer. Didn't leave a message on the machine. I'm not sure why not. Maybe it's best to just go to sleep when I'm in these melancholy listless moods. G'night.

8:00 pm

Matt and Elizabeth are getting married! Wow. Although I expected it at some point, I'm still floored! Matt wants me to be his Best Man. Yea! They're hoping for a fall wedding, but I wonder if they'll have to back it up. It's hard to find reception halls. Actually, I'd prefer it in the spring. It'd only be 4 - 5 months before I go back again if it's in the fall. But then, maybe I'll need that, too. I'm sure this will add some emotion to discussing relationship matters with Bob. All my friends are "settling down." Why not me? Why not us? Shit. Got through another weekend of First Communions. I really hate doing them. But I'm looking forward to editing this week. I've been practicing my Spanish with María Carmen and Frank, but I still prefer taking the easy road. Last night, I partied with Alton and Sune at their house. They were so fucked up. I didn't have the energy to go to the bar with them at 2 am. It was very difficult to get up this morning! This German girl, Angie, is moving in today. I'll miss my privacy! I made a tape Friday night while drinking wine and re-reading my journal. I've had quite an incredible life, I think. Not really spectacular in most ways, but this Spain thing has been eerily fulfilling. Spent most of the day on the beach. It was nice to have (most of) the day to myself!

12:15 am

Swing. The days, the emotions, go from one extreme to the other. I was so frustrated yesterday. Things were going wrong at work. I just didn't want to speak Spanish anymore! I just want to go home and go to K-Mart and Taco Bell and have a big juicy hamburger at Mr. Joe's! But today, I had a good day at work. Still a long day -- 9 hours. I talked quite a bit with María Carmen. It will be nice to practice Spanish with her. I talked with French Frank about maybe living together in September when he returns. We'll see. He's really such a nerd. There's this really cute German guy (I don't remember his name) who I've been talking with a lot lately. I met him through Gitta. I miss her! I was thinking a lot about Andre today, too. Frank, George and I played pool at Bolivia. Man. It made me think of being there with Ronnie and the gang. That was 3 months ago! Wow!


11:15 pm

Had another good day at work today. I got PAID! 60,000 pesetas! ($600) That'll help traveling costs with Bob. I'm determined not to be stingy with my money while he's here. It would be nice to just "live it up" for 2 weeks. Mitchell is so nice. I didn't even have to remind him that I wanted to get paid soon. He just said, "Today's the 15th, you wanted to get paid today." That was it. He's got a good style. For example, he went out and bought an audio board without telling the other partners. It was needed, so he just got it. Explain later. I think I'm going to stay in tonight, even though I'd kinda like to go out. To the gay dance bar maybe. But I have to work tomorrow morning! Yes, I'll have plenty of time to go out later. Now I have to work hard. Another 8 hours today.

1:00 am

Yay! Thank you, friends! I got a 15 pound box of goodies from my former co-workers. I can't believe they spent $65 to send it! They sent popcorn, the Free Press, socks, toilet paper, trivia, M & Ms, Girls Scout cookies, balloons, Time magazine, Taco Sauce, peanut butter, Easter candy, pizza mix, macaroni and cheese mix and a letter from Dingo! How sweet. I wish I were there right now. I opened it at Alton and Sune's house. I'm glad I got to share the excitement. I gave the peanut butter to Frank and George across the street. Frank had never heard of it! We went out to Bolivia tonight and played some pool. I worked 8 hours today! But I really enjoyed it.


11:55 pm

I worked 10 hours today. But I really enjoyed it. I'm not getting fed up with it yet. Mitchell has been hinting that we need to speed up production of these tapes. Fine with me. More hours = more money. I talked to Gary, Marcia and Barb Browne tonight. They're all so fun! They also offered me lodging and transportation when I'm back in Detroit. Friends! Makes me wonder sometimes why I left. Ah, but what's wrong with making new friends? And keeping the old friends. Having it all! I'll call Bob tomorrow night. He'll be here in 11 days!

9:30 pm

It was really hard to get up for work this morning. I only stayed out until 2:30. I went to Mesalina with French Frank. We talked quite a bit. He's a nice guy. I talked more with his cute Scottish house guest, George, too. But I'm still feeling that I don't have many friends. Annelies came over this evening. I told her that Bob is my boyfriend. She said she has many gay friends -- even knows a Dutch gay guy here. It's so nice to come out to people. Every reaction here has been pretty positive. I think that maybe Frank overheard the conversation. I do think he's gay. Mitchell said he'd ask a real estate friend if he can find an apartment for me. Cool. We have a lot of work to do in the next two weeks. I'll work at least 6 hours/day. Money! Whoever says it's not important ... lies! I talked more Spanish today with Daniel, the guy who's helping us videotape. It's still frustrating not knowing Spanish better. But I'm looking forward to work this week. I think the next 5 weeks will fly by. I'll be very busy working, then Bob will be here. then I'll be in Detroit! Yea! Then I'll come back to a permanent job and apartment. Rosy.


11:00 pm

Oh, I'm getting so greedy! I'm sitting here thinking how much money I'm going to make. I think it could be $2000/month -- more than I made net in Bloomfield. I can live on $100/month. I could save $12,000 in a year! That's incredible! Work one year, travel one year. Hmm. Life! So much potential. I love when I think this way. I'm listening to some cool music on the radio. Kinda WDET-ish. Every night after 10:00. With some red wine, it's perfect to think and write. I'd rather get high, but I still haven't found any weed here.

4:00 pm

Gitta's gone. Another one bites the dust. One by one. Alton and Sune are gone in 2 weeks, Barbara in 3, Antonella in four. A friend of a friend of Elke's is going to stay here for 10 days. And I've talked to a few other people who will need a place beginning in July. In a way, I'd like to live alone, but I think I need someone else to do things with once in a while. Otherwise, it could be a long, boring summer. I continue to work every day, and work is still piling up. I think I'll try to work 6 hours/day the next two weeks. Already making plans to spend the money. I was frustrated at the church again this morning because I can't speak the language. I got a letter from Barb Gough. Everyone who writes is usually complaining about something. Then I guess it's okay for me to whine, too. Hang in there, Mike. The future looks brilliant!

8:30 pm

Allow me to whine a bit. I'm enjoying going into work every day, although I am getting a bit tired of the Communions and I'd rather be lazy and stay in bed or go to the beach. I'm frustrated by not understanding the language better. I keep getting phone calls at work and I can't understand what people are saying! I start to think that I should give up on the dream. But then I listen to the "Chariots of Fire" soundtrack and I get inspired. And I meet someone new -- in this case a Scottish friend of French Frank's -- and I bounce back again. I did really well with money in April. Only $800, including $100 at Expo. Gives me hope. May will be at least $1500, I'm sure, with Bob visiting and $400 rent. But I've earned almost $400 this past week. Cool! I hope Mitchell will pay me more than $10/hour for editing. We had talked of $20/hour, but I don't think he'll go for that much. At $15/hour it would be almost $500. Still nothing settled. Always up in the air. Always something to whine about. Like the lack of permanent friends here. I get so worried about the future! Can't I just enjoy the present? I booked my flight home. I'll be there June 17th. I wish I could've been back before school's out, but it's not possible. I need to find a place to live for July. And beyond. I haven't seen Yop or the Dutch girls in a while. I need to write Andre. It'll be nice having a phone (at work.) People can call me! I have a TV now -- everything's green, but I watched ABC News yesterday. Civilization! I think I need to work hard and earn a lot of money and then travel for a year. Yes! It must be done! It's truly what I enjoy. Oh! Yesterday, Mitchell told me about his idea of producing promo videos for travel agencies. Exactly my idea! And he has a friend in the business who wants to do it. Yes, I think I need to stay with this job. Just get through the bumpy times, Mike. Write down your thoughts and it will become clearer. This is where you belong right now.

1:15 am

Stayed in again tonight. Actually, I had every intention of going to Bolivia. There was to have been a big party with the beginning of new classes and all. I probably would've met some fantastic people. Maybe even a roommate. But no, I sat at home reading the Herald Tribune. I enjoyed it. So, I've been editing the past two days. Working again. And there's a lot of work to do. I'll be busy for these next three weeks, then take 2 weeks off when Bob's here, work another week and go to Detroit for 2 - 3 weeks. What a great job! And even if I'm making only $10/hour, that's what my take-home after taxes was in Bloomfield Hills. Not a bad deal. Mitchell's been talking about my getting a work permit and residency status. They really are for real! I told Joaquin today about this job. He said he hopes we can still work together. HA! He'll have to pay me well! I've been in a very procrastinating mood. Haven't checked on flights to Detroit, haven't checked rental cars, bought Peggy's First Communion gift. I'm so lazy all the time. Even though I'm working now. At least it gives me something to occupy my time. Oh, I guess I should've called Paul, too.

2:15 pm

I had a really nice time last night. Gitta came over and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. I had wanted to -- but I thought that she and Barbara were gone, so I hadn't asked. We went to La Paloma. It had been almost a month! We got pretty drunk. Then we went to Donde. I met several new people. Guys from Switzerland, Sweden and Holland. I love to meet interesting people! We danced quite a bit, too. Went to Mesalina for a while, too. Before I knew it, it was 5:00! And I had to be up at 7:15!! Oh well. It wasn't so bad today -- only one First Communion. I feel so good to be working again. I played with the editor a bit today, and will do more tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to it. It's pretty nice equipment. Mitchell is so nice to me. He's been picking me up and dropping me off every day. He gave me the keys, so I can go in any time tomorrow! I love it! Y'know, Gitta and I talked last night about how everyone else around us is having sex. She's like me in that she's not getting involved with anyone here. Well, she doesn't want to. I just haven't had the opportunity! It made me realize (again) that I shouldn't get freaked out about these things. Not meeting gay men, not going to a gay bar. Who cares?

12:30 am

I finally wrote a letter to Antonio. I can't believe I haven't written him in the three months that I've been here. That was such a nice experience I had with him. So long ago. So rare. God knows, it's been a long time since something like that has happened. I suppose Brad in Saugatuck would compare. Why don't I have sex more often? Is that a strange question? I guess I don't make myself "available" often. Maybe I'll go out tomorrow night. We only have one Communion on Sunday. I wouldn't have to be 100%. Tonight, I've been drinking wine and listening to David Zasloff and Billy Bragg. Yop told me the other night that he had gotten some hash. I have to pursue him on that. So much sex, so many drugs, all around me. And yet, here I am -- alone. Otra vez. I really do enjoy being by myself, though. Just wish I had an English newspaper or a television and VCR! I feel I have to do everything now here, but it's not true, is it? Yes, you have to live life to the fullest -- Carpe Diem -- but there will always be down times. Rest times. Es necesario. The world is such a funny place. Riots in L.A. Death penalty. Earthquakes. This is what I hear about the USA in the Spanish press. USA Today wrote about the Supreme Court debate on the abortion issue. Is it any wonder I left that country? I really wonder sometimes if I will ever return to live there. So many other possibilities. Such a big world. I want to go to Italy or Greece next. And why not? God, I love Billy Bragg! And Natalie Merchant's voice. Sometimes -- often -- I wish life were perfect. But would it be even more boring then? ("Luego" or "entonces"?) I'm so glad that I have this journal. Everyone should record his/her thoughts throughout life. Listening to "The Internationale" on May Day. Shit. I have to get up for work tomorrow! It's been a nice three month break. But now, there is so much promise for the future. I think Bernardo talked about giving me a contract in July. He tells me that he wants me to be the "expert" of the company. Shit. What an incredible series of events. Must work on the español. Yes, I must.

10:30 pm

Work went well today. It was exhausting. It felt good. We did three Communions. Pretty boring, really, but it all seemed to come out well. You know, if Mitchell didn't speak English, I'd be totally lost. As it is, I don't understand most of what Bernardo says. Very frustrating. But am I studying? Am I speaking with Spanish friends or neighbors? Of course not. I came home and slept for 4 hours this afternoon. I'm staying in tonight. I have to be up at 7:15 tomorrow. Only 2 Communions, though. I'm making money in Spain! A great day! I'm frustrated again by lack of information. There were riots in Los Angeles, a matador was killed in the Feria de Sevilla. I'm buying a television when I come back in July. I've been planning a tentative itinerary for Bob and me. I'm now thinking of flying to Detroit the same day he does -- June 7th. Have to work out the details. Mercedes gave me a lift to work yesterday. That was nice. I guess I do know people around here She's so funny. Annelies stopped by last night. I'd like to be friends with her, but she really is pretty boring, isn't she? But then, sometimes I am, too!