12:10 am

Yea, I'm stoned. Been a while. Yop and I talked last night about smoking weed. I'll have to invite him over here Friday night to get stoned before we go out. Or after we go out. Then we'd be alone for the rest of the night. Up on the terrace smoking, getting romantic. Sounds good to me. I don't want Barbara and Gitta to be there, though. Barbara and I talked about drugs today, too. She's in favor of legalizing all drugs. She really surprises me sometimes. She's a really neat person. We'll have to get high some time, too. I'm listening to a jazz program on the radio. I love it. All music is great when you're stoned. I miss Neil right now. He'd love to get high with me up on my terrace overlooking the Mediterranean. Why didn't it work out between Neil and me? Gosh, Mike, it's been 1 1/2 years. That was a fantastic summer with Neil. Actually, it was this past summer when we got stoned on my back deck. We never did get stoned when we were dating. Why not? Oh, I'm seeing a great vision. Bob getting the job in Oakland. Me moving there with him. Neil being a neighbor. We'd have a great deck up on a hill -- a nice view of the ocean. We could get stoned there. I miss Neil! ¡Ojalá! Maybe the dream will come true. I want all my friends to be together forever. Not just Neil and Bob, but my friends from school, Affirmations, from here in Spain. I want them all to stay with me forever. What, am I feeling lonely here? Not really. I'm just enjoying the stream of consciousness. In many ways getting stoned alone is much better than with others. You can record things. You can be so into things. I'm enjoying this jazz, but I'm thinking I should listen to a station with Spanish songs. I think I could learn more words now if I listened. I'd be so in tune. You know, I don't seem to have the same concentration -- no, it's not that, it's "filtration" -- problem with my hearing when I'm high. Another medical use for pot. But really, folks, I have a serious hearing problem in bars. I can never hear the person talking to me. My ears are so distracted. Not just once in a while, when the music is really loud. All the time. Even when someone's close to me and there's a TV on nearby. It happened when talking with María José at Pepe's or at Havana talking to Estefan and Katherine. I wonder if something can be done to help it. Damn. I don't have any insurance anymore. I really am understanding this person speaking Spanish on the radio even though I'm not really concentrating on it. I love the way Andre and Yop show something's really good by kissing the tips of their fingers. They both do it all the time. It's a Dutch thing, I guess. Although it seems French, too. Different customs. Thumbs up. OK sign. I do the OK sign when I signify something really good. How about that? I wonder if Andre or Yop have noticed that and are writing it in their journal. Yea. I love being stoned. But it's still never care-free. I'm thinking I should call Jane before I go to bed. But I have no desire to get dressed and go out to the phone box and call. For one thing, I'm too stoned now, and it's still early -- only 6:30 pm -- there. But I'll be so tired later. I'll just want to go to bed. I was out rather late/early last night. But I need to talk to her! Let's not worry 'bout it right now, 'k? I just re-read the letter from Antonio in Barcelona. I can't believe I haven't written him since I've been here. I'd do it now, but I'm enjoying writing this. But I'm stopping for now.


1:30 am

I'm back. I tried calling Jane, but she wasn't home. Told her to call me tomorrow. I'm not really tired, but I should go to bed. I was going to go to the airport tomorrow and book a flight for the 30th, but maybe I should wait until Monday. See if I hear from this job prospect. I don't know where I'll be living when I come back. The rents are supposed to go to $1000/month in June. I may need to find a place in the center. Inconvenient for work and the beach, but cheaper. I could ride my bike into Pedregalejo. Not so bad. I get all these fantastic images in my head of how my life might be in the future. That's fun. Actually, the life I lead now is a former dream of the future, isn't it? And the dream came true! On the terrace overlooking the sea. I'm going to miss this place! I should take pictures tomorrow. "I go home. Gonna eat somefing." -- Andre.