11:50 pm

We rented a car and went to Ronda today. It was very beautiful, but also very cold. I have a cold that I got Thursday and I was feeling pretty miserable. I went with Ronnie, Uli, Jorg and Harold. Tim, Andre and the girls are going tomorrow. I must say I felt out of sorts on the drive home when they were all speaking German the whole time. Yes, I would have preferred going tomorrow with the others, but someone had to be bumped. It's okay. I'll enjoy the time alone tomorrow. This weather has been so shitty. I didn't come to Spain for this! I'm staying home tonight instead of going to Bolivia or Salsa. I need to take it easy. Last night, we were at Bolivia, but I was so out of it. I really don't make any effort to meet new people. I just sat most of the night. But as long as Andre's there, I'm content. Does that sound sappy or what? Man, the way he looks at me still gets to me. And the things he does. He insisted on buying on me one last beer last night, then left when I decided to leave, even though he could have stayed with the others. He's a good guy. Tim is too, although he can be a scheizkoft. He's such an egoist, while Andre always is concerned about everyone else. I'm fantasizing about him quite regularly. Probably not wise. I'll be so hurt. Jorg was being pretty friendly last night. I just wish he spoke better English. Or Spanish.

2:30 am

More good stuff! María José wants me to help her with her English. And of course, it will be helping my Spanish at the same time. Private lessons. Free. Good deal. Plus she said she'd talk to the owner of the school about their plans for a video lab. Sounds ideal. Could it really pan out? What a fantastic opportunity! I'm glad I went to Salsa after all!

7:30 pm

I'm starting to get obsessed with Andre. That's not good. I just love him. He's such a nice guy. He plays soccer. I've always adored soccer players. Little things make me wonder if he might be gay without realizing it himself. He didn't really react to a gay joke that Tim told today. And I always catch him looking at me. Last night I mentioned that the lover of a friend of mine died of AIDS and he seemed very pensive afterwards. I can't get obsessed. It would hurt our relationship. But I do see some potential there. Jorg is probably gay, too. He's been getting close to me lately, but I feel uncomfortable with him because neither his English nor Spanish are very good. He is pretty cute, though. And young! Last night "the girls" came over and we made a pasta dinner. It was so much fun. Reminded me of college days. We talked about so many things. I love it. We got so silly (we did have 6 bottles of wine). We talked about what we should bring to class for Lorenzo and Paul's birthday. We had so much extra pasta and salad, we thought of bringing that and saying it's a Danish or American tradition. Or to bring a dead dog -- the one across the street who barks all the time. Or a "birthday niño" -- the little kid who drives his noisy motorized truck all the time when we're trying to sleep or study! Andre suggested giving the dog "fried spoons." He meant to say fried sponge. When he eats it, it expands... We had a good time despite the horrible weather. It rained all day. The waves washed over the beach. We watched from La Paloma where we went for lunch. That was after Andre taught us all the Sevillanas after class. This is a great group of people. Today, after class, we had a paella dinner which Lorenzo cooked. It was fantastic! Some people danced while it was cooking. Harold played his sax. Then we all went to for coffee and stayed for 2 hours playing games in a circle. (Clap, clap, one, two, clap, clap, two, eight, etc. -- in Spanish of course, and all hands on table mixed up and tap in order -- two taps reverses it, and "seven bang.") Losers had to sing a song or do a dance. Craziness! What fun we have! Then people were telling jokes in Spanish. I'm so fortunate to be here. People are going out to Bar Salsa again tonight. I don't really want to go. I'd rather have people over here again. But I'll probably go. I hope the weather gets better. This is shitty -- cold, wind, rain.

1:30 am

I love it! We had people over to our place tonight. Much better than spending money at the bar anyway. We sat up on the terrace drinking wine, listening to Spanish music and talking. About so many things. Soccer, movies, travel, work. I brought out my map and everyone showed where they lived. Then we started in on bullfights. Tim is very supportive of them, while Andre and Jeannet are very against. Everyone else has varying degrees of disdain. We talked about government regulation and popular support. Then we moved on to the death penalty where Andre and Jeannet were for it and Tim and I were against. They said that since Holland has such liberal laws, they are forced to support it because otherwise killers can get off easily. I argued about not always having absolute proof that someone is guilty. It was a very good discussion. I brought up "The Thin Blue Line." Andre brought up a case in Holland where a child-killer got out in 5 years. It was great. We then moved on to the Gulf War, Iraq, then back to bullfighting, the government and its role, the ozone and CFCs, abortion, political correctness, feminism, Nazism, David Duke, back to bullfighting and the death penalty, and finally ended up with religion. Fantastic! Andre, Tim and I stayed on for an hour and a half after everyone else left. God, I wish I could have recorded it. These different cultures mingling. Every once in a while, two or three people would break off onto a side topic -- sometimes in German. Cool! I was watching Andre's shadow on the wall as he was talking and imagining making a film or video. God, there's so much! I love this life! I went to Torreblanca last night to see the gang. It's nice to see them, but this is where I need to be. I talked to Matt and Elizabeth yesterday. I want them to be here!

5:00 am

I really like Andre. I mean, I really like him. Maybe my mission is to get him to come out of the closet. I don't know. Yes, he does talk about girls all the time. And he is very "good" with them. But then again, he's an actor, an entertainer! He's used to putting on shows. Is it all an act? He's the perfect stereotypical gay man, for God's sake! Plus he has a receding hairline and balding crown. But really, he seemed so uncomfortable tonight -- and last night for that matter -- dancing with girls. María José was trying to get him to dance, and while he would for a while, he seemed mostly to brush her off. Tim, on the other hand, left with her and her friends to go to another bar. Andre thought that we were invited, but then realized that the rest of us weren't when María José waved good-bye. He seemed disappointed. But of course, I was happy. I had hoped to get him alone for one last drink, but Mark decided to join us. Doesn't matter. we had a good time talking. About drinking games, mostly. Anyway, I need to let him know that I'm gay in the next 6 weeks. Shouldn't be too hard. Then we'll see how he responds. Jorg, in the other class, is gay, too, I think. But he may be too young to realize it. Like Andre. He's 27, but probably doesn't have a lot of experience. We had a good time tonight at Bar Salsa. Jane - my friend from Michigan - will love it there. I can't write anymore. I need to sleep!

1:30 pm

Last night was so much fun! First, I went for a long walk at sunset. I walked along the beach to El Palo, a very busy neighborhood with shops, restaurants and lots of people out and about. It was great. Real life Spain. Kinda like where I'm living, too. A very loud street -- kids playing, dogs barking, motorcycles passing through. Tim, Andre, Steffi, Jeannet and I met three of Steffi's friends downtown last night. We went to 3 bars -- each one very different. I talked quite a bit with one of the German girls (Olina?) She's moving to Chile to work for a German Third World relief agency. We're both at similar places in our lives. She was great. I wish I had gotten an address in case I'm ever in Chile. We ended up at Bar Salsa where we danced and danced. It was a great group of people. I love the "big city" feeling. Although I was looking at the people interacting and realized that I could be in any city in the U.S. Chicago, maybe. Not Detroit. But so much going on from place to place. It's the way to live life. Tonight, our instructor, María José, is coming over to teach us how to dance salsa. I'm really lucky to be living with Tim and Andre.


8:15 pm

Idle thoughts and remembrances: One of the German girls told me last night that their Spanish school is looking to update their video recruitment tape. I've got to get over there and see what's up. Andre last night bought a rose from a street vendor and wanted to give it to Steffi. She didn't want it, so he got down on his knees and was chasing her around the bar. She was so embarrassed. It was so funny. Andre is a performer at Spanish resorts. That's why he's so outgoing. I'll say. The Germans really seem to enjoy talking to me. They can improve their English. Winter break is starting back in Bloomfield Hills. Where's that? // I love the action of this neighborhood. I swear it's straight out of a movie. Constant commotion. People chattering as they walk by, motor scooters, kids running by, dogs barking, ladies visiting in the streets, the sound of bottles clinking behind the restaurant down the street, someone playing guitar. ¡Fantastico! Andre is staying until April 9th. I could stay here until then -- only $4.00/day, $150/month. He says he may even be working in the Málaga area after April. Cool. I could sit on the beach forever. As it is, we have class until 12:30 and then can spend the whole afternoon at a beach-side cafe or on the beach! Evenings are for partying late. I'm drinking a lot more here! Every night. I just wish it weren't so damn cold in here at night. I hate that.

5:30 pm

Wow! Life gets more interesting. Andre has moved in with Tim and me. They are the two best Spanish speakers in class (and the best-looking, too!) We try to speak only Spanish in the house. Very difficult for me, but very necessary. They're both really good guys. Only drawback to this place is that it's frickin' cold at night! I slept with all my clothes on and still froze. I suppose I'll get used to it eventually. I just hope I don't get sick. I woke up with a sore throat this morning. It has a great terrace from which you can see the water over the next house. The beach is literally steps away. The school is two minutes, too. It's fantastic. With Andre here, it's only $150/month! Fantastic. I have the downstairs larger bedroom. Tim has the small one upstairs, off the terrace. Andre is sleeping on a covered terrace -- where laundry is usually hung. It works great for everyone. Fate! I went out to Bolivia last night with some of the guys from class. Talked quite a bit with Ronnie and Andre about travel, languages and life in general. I'm learning so much! Experiencing so much! It was really difficult leaving Dave and Gitta. Of course, I'll visit then still! It's a temporary loss of security -- which will result in growth! This is a great neighborhood. Mostly families. Lots of dogs barking all the time. Great sun exposure! I think I'm gonna like it here! ¡Que vida! I'll certainly pick up a lot of Spanish from the locals and maybe a bit of German, too. Perfecto. I know I'm rambling, but there are so many feelings. So much to express. Our landlady, Vittorina, is the cutest little old viuda. She's always got a smile on her face. I just wish I already knew Spanish better! It'll come. Be patient. Study hard! Enjoy the experience. Harold is another really nice guy in class. Isn't this what life's about? Sharing experiences with each other. People fascinate me!