1:15 am

Stayed in again tonight. Actually, I had every intention of going to Bolivia. There was to have been a big party with the beginning of new classes and all. I probably would've met some fantastic people. Maybe even a roommate. But no, I sat at home reading the Herald Tribune. I enjoyed it. So, I've been editing the past two days. Working again. And there's a lot of work to do. I'll be busy for these next three weeks, then take 2 weeks off when Bob's here, work another week and go to Detroit for 2 - 3 weeks. What a great job! And even if I'm making only $10/hour, that's what my take-home after taxes was in Bloomfield Hills. Not a bad deal. Mitchell's been talking about my getting a work permit and residency status. They really are for real! I told Joaquin today about this job. He said he hopes we can still work together. HA! He'll have to pay me well! I've been in a very procrastinating mood. Haven't checked on flights to Detroit, haven't checked rental cars, bought Peggy's First Communion gift. I'm so lazy all the time. Even though I'm working now. At least it gives me something to occupy my time. Oh, I guess I should've called Paul, too.

2:15 pm

I had a really nice time last night. Gitta came over and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. I had wanted to -- but I thought that she and Barbara were gone, so I hadn't asked. We went to La Paloma. It had been almost a month! We got pretty drunk. Then we went to Donde. I met several new people. Guys from Switzerland, Sweden and Holland. I love to meet interesting people! We danced quite a bit, too. Went to Mesalina for a while, too. Before I knew it, it was 5:00! And I had to be up at 7:15!! Oh well. It wasn't so bad today -- only one First Communion. I feel so good to be working again. I played with the editor a bit today, and will do more tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to it. It's pretty nice equipment. Mitchell is so nice to me. He's been picking me up and dropping me off every day. He gave me the keys, so I can go in any time tomorrow! I love it! Y'know, Gitta and I talked last night about how everyone else around us is having sex. She's like me in that she's not getting involved with anyone here. Well, she doesn't want to. I just haven't had the opportunity! It made me realize (again) that I shouldn't get freaked out about these things. Not meeting gay men, not going to a gay bar. Who cares?

12:30 am

I finally wrote a letter to Antonio. I can't believe I haven't written him in the three months that I've been here. That was such a nice experience I had with him. So long ago. So rare. God knows, it's been a long time since something like that has happened. I suppose Brad in Saugatuck would compare. Why don't I have sex more often? Is that a strange question? I guess I don't make myself "available" often. Maybe I'll go out tomorrow night. We only have one Communion on Sunday. I wouldn't have to be 100%. Tonight, I've been drinking wine and listening to David Zasloff and Billy Bragg. Yop told me the other night that he had gotten some hash. I have to pursue him on that. So much sex, so many drugs, all around me. And yet, here I am -- alone. Otra vez. I really do enjoy being by myself, though. Just wish I had an English newspaper or a television and VCR! I feel I have to do everything now here, but it's not true, is it? Yes, you have to live life to the fullest -- Carpe Diem -- but there will always be down times. Rest times. Es necesario. The world is such a funny place. Riots in L.A. Death penalty. Earthquakes. This is what I hear about the USA in the Spanish press. USA Today wrote about the Supreme Court debate on the abortion issue. Is it any wonder I left that country? I really wonder sometimes if I will ever return to live there. So many other possibilities. Such a big world. I want to go to Italy or Greece next. And why not? God, I love Billy Bragg! And Natalie Merchant's voice. Sometimes -- often -- I wish life were perfect. But would it be even more boring then? ("Luego" or "entonces"?) I'm so glad that I have this journal. Everyone should record his/her thoughts throughout life. Listening to "The Internationale" on May Day. Shit. I have to get up for work tomorrow! It's been a nice three month break. But now, there is so much promise for the future. I think Bernardo talked about giving me a contract in July. He tells me that he wants me to be the "expert" of the company. Shit. What an incredible series of events. Must work on the español. Yes, I must.

10:30 pm

Work went well today. It was exhausting. It felt good. We did three Communions. Pretty boring, really, but it all seemed to come out well. You know, if Mitchell didn't speak English, I'd be totally lost. As it is, I don't understand most of what Bernardo says. Very frustrating. But am I studying? Am I speaking with Spanish friends or neighbors? Of course not. I came home and slept for 4 hours this afternoon. I'm staying in tonight. I have to be up at 7:15 tomorrow. Only 2 Communions, though. I'm making money in Spain! A great day! I'm frustrated again by lack of information. There were riots in Los Angeles, a matador was killed in the Feria de Sevilla. I'm buying a television when I come back in July. I've been planning a tentative itinerary for Bob and me. I'm now thinking of flying to Detroit the same day he does -- June 7th. Have to work out the details. Mercedes gave me a lift to work yesterday. That was nice. I guess I do know people around here She's so funny. Annelies stopped by last night. I'd like to be friends with her, but she really is pretty boring, isn't she? But then, sometimes I am, too!

3:00 pm

I don't know if my body can handle this shit. Alton, Sune and I went to see "El Cabo del Miedo" last night. Terribly suspenseful -- even in Spanish. Then we went to Donde where my Swedish neighbor was playing and also a salsa band played. They had free champagne. The bartenders were spraying it all over everyone all night long. Una locura. Just madness. But, of course, fun. Didn't get home until after 5:00 am. Didn't feel so good when I got up, but I'm better now. I still am not meeting new people. Or even getting to know the old people better. Saw Cameron again, but didn't talk to him. I should. He doesn't really have any friends. Potential! The weather's damn perfect again. This evening, Mitchell and I are doing a site-survey at the church. We have 3 First Communions tomorrow, 2 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday. Yea! I need to earn money. And I need a change of pace. I saw Yop again yesterday. He may not go to Torremolinos to work this summer. So maybe he and I could live together from July on. He's really doing a lot with his Spanish friends. He meets people so easily. Gitta asked me yesterday if Bob was "just a friend" and I said no. Later on, she was teasing me about wanting to get my hair cut "for him." It's too bad she's leaving next week! Barbara's been meeting new men every night. I'm so jealous! I think I need to stay in tonight, although I keep thinking I should go to the gay bar. Aw, shit. Marcus -- the Swedish cyclist -- and I talked a lot about being lonely and how it's good for you. I'm not sure I remember why it's good for you! I was thinking today of going back to Detroit. Now I have to wait, wait, wait. For Bob. For Detroit.

4:00 pm

Yea! It's cloudy today! I've really gotten sick of the sun. Perhaps literally. That may be why I was sick on Monday. Too much sun. Yesterday, Alton, Barbara and I rented a paddleboat and went out on the Mediterranean. It was a wonderful change of pace. Very relaxing. I can't wait to go out there with Bob. How romantic! Last night, we had a little party for Elke's last night. Then we went to Bolivia and Donde. I actually had a good time. Talked a lot with Antonella, Jeanette (#2), Alton, Sune and Annelies. She invited me to go to a flamenco bar with her, but I didn't go. Eventually, I will have to do things with Spanish people! But last night I was having a good time there. For a change. I think Alton and I can be good friends. If he didn't talk about girls all the time. Their cute roommate, Cameron, is leaving soon. I think I missed the boat not getting to know him better. Today, I've been cleaning and enjoying the sounds of Spain. The fish seller in the morning. The little Swedish kids were imitating him yelling at the tops of their lungs. Their father playing music on his guitar. I had plans to write lots of letters today, but I haven't. Lazy, lazy. I think I'll ask around if anyone wants to go to a movie tonight.

1:30 am

Just talked to Bob. Sigh. Still another 4 weeks before he's here. We talked a little about him moving here. I now think he's at least half-seriously considering it. That's good. Being here will be the clincher! Anticipation. Life creeps toward perfection. I talked more with Mitchell today. We agreed on $10/hour for videotaping and I suggested $20/hour for editing. That would be okay, although I think it would be only 30 hours/week at most. $450/week would be okay. I had a nice talk tonight with Marcus -- the Swedish cyclist who's staying here. We talked a lot about education. Waldorf-Steiner stuff. Model High School stuff. He talked about architecture. I talked about video. Alton joined us for a while and we talked about Expo and travel. We're going to try to rent a boat tomorrow. That would be cool. I've got to be careful about money until I get paid. Especially if I have to pay $650 for rent through June 15th!