1:30 pm

Last night was so much fun! First, I went for a long walk at sunset. I walked along the beach to El Palo, a very busy neighborhood with shops, restaurants and lots of people out and about. It was great. Real life Spain. Kinda like where I'm living, too. A very loud street -- kids playing, dogs barking, motorcycles passing through. Tim, Andre, Steffi, Jeannet and I met three of Steffi's friends downtown last night. We went to 3 bars -- each one very different. I talked quite a bit with one of the German girls (Olina?) She's moving to Chile to work for a German Third World relief agency. We're both at similar places in our lives. She was great. I wish I had gotten an address in case I'm ever in Chile. We ended up at Bar Salsa where we danced and danced. It was a great group of people. I love the "big city" feeling. Although I was looking at the people interacting and realized that I could be in any city in the U.S. Chicago, maybe. Not Detroit. But so much going on from place to place. It's the way to live life. Tonight, our instructor, María José, is coming over to teach us how to dance salsa. I'm really lucky to be living with Tim and Andre.


8:15 pm

Idle thoughts and remembrances: One of the German girls told me last night that their Spanish school is looking to update their video recruitment tape. I've got to get over there and see what's up. Andre last night bought a rose from a street vendor and wanted to give it to Steffi. She didn't want it, so he got down on his knees and was chasing her around the bar. She was so embarrassed. It was so funny. Andre is a performer at Spanish resorts. That's why he's so outgoing. I'll say. The Germans really seem to enjoy talking to me. They can improve their English. Winter break is starting back in Bloomfield Hills. Where's that? // I love the action of this neighborhood. I swear it's straight out of a movie. Constant commotion. People chattering as they walk by, motor scooters, kids running by, dogs barking, ladies visiting in the streets, the sound of bottles clinking behind the restaurant down the street, someone playing guitar. ¡Fantastico! Andre is staying until April 9th. I could stay here until then -- only $4.00/day, $150/month. He says he may even be working in the Málaga area after April. Cool. I could sit on the beach forever. As it is, we have class until 12:30 and then can spend the whole afternoon at a beach-side cafe or on the beach! Evenings are for partying late. I'm drinking a lot more here! Every night. I just wish it weren't so damn cold in here at night. I hate that.

5:30 pm

Wow! Life gets more interesting. Andre has moved in with Tim and me. They are the two best Spanish speakers in class (and the best-looking, too!) We try to speak only Spanish in the house. Very difficult for me, but very necessary. They're both really good guys. Only drawback to this place is that it's frickin' cold at night! I slept with all my clothes on and still froze. I suppose I'll get used to it eventually. I just hope I don't get sick. I woke up with a sore throat this morning. It has a great terrace from which you can see the water over the next house. The beach is literally steps away. The school is two minutes, too. It's fantastic. With Andre here, it's only $150/month! Fantastic. I have the downstairs larger bedroom. Tim has the small one upstairs, off the terrace. Andre is sleeping on a covered terrace -- where laundry is usually hung. It works great for everyone. Fate! I went out to Bolivia last night with some of the guys from class. Talked quite a bit with Ronnie and Andre about travel, languages and life in general. I'm learning so much! Experiencing so much! It was really difficult leaving Dave and Gitta. Of course, I'll visit then still! It's a temporary loss of security -- which will result in growth! This is a great neighborhood. Mostly families. Lots of dogs barking all the time. Great sun exposure! I think I'm gonna like it here! ¡Que vida! I'll certainly pick up a lot of Spanish from the locals and maybe a bit of German, too. Perfecto. I know I'm rambling, but there are so many feelings. So much to express. Our landlady, Vittorina, is the cutest little old viuda. She's always got a smile on her face. I just wish I already knew Spanish better! It'll come. Be patient. Study hard! Enjoy the experience. Harold is another really nice guy in class. Isn't this what life's about? Sharing experiences with each other. People fascinate me!

8:45 pm

Life changes so quickly sometimes. A chance meeting, small talk. This new guy, Tim, was looking for an apartment and roommate. I told him my situation and said I might be interested. We had a couple of beers at a cafe while waiting for the landlady to return. He's a really cool guy. We talked about traveling. About life in general. I figured he'd be a good person to live with. He speaks Spanish very well -- and I can pick up some German, too! Anyway, we saw the apartment and it's nice. A lot of room, but a bit dingy. But it's right behind the Paseo Maritimo and two blocks from the school. So I agreed to it. It'll be nice being close to the other students. And Tim will introduce me to the locals, too. My Spanish will improve dramatically. If I want that to happen, I have to leave Torreblanca. I'm getting too secure here. It's holding me back. I'll really miss them! I have tears in my eyes. Leaving friends is so hard! I have to remember the fox in "The Little Prince." My friends will always still be there!

8:00 pm

I enjoyed the first day of class! It will definitely be a pain in the ass to get on the 7:10 train every morning. Classes start at 8:30 -- and today I was twenty minutes late. An 1:40 commute! I should be able to make it by 8:30, if I hurry from the train to the bus -- a 10 minute walk at least. Anyway, we took un paseo around the neighborhood. Stopped at a bodega for some wine-tasting -- at 9:30 am! Then we stopped at a cafe for desayuno. Great start to the day. Got a chance to talk to some classmates, too. Several are German, 2 are Dutch, one Swiss and one Danish. I'm going to miss out on a lot being here in Torreblanca. They seem like a partying group. I'll have to stay in Málaga a few days. I hope they can come out here one day, too. There's one really cute outgoing guy named Andreas. He's an entertainer. He's been performing at various resorts in Spain. Too cute, but seems to be straight. Harold seems very nice, too. Potential there. I'll see how the week goes before I make any decisions on if I should stay here or move into student housing in Málaga. They have 5 guys in one place. That'd be a drag. I like my privacy. I'm bummed that I won't have my morning sun on my terrace. I like both instructors. It'll be a great experience, I'm sure. I really wish I could pick up the phone and call my friends! I miss sharing things with them! // I'm still spending too much money. I finally bought some meat today! Things can be so intimidating. I have to remember that I rule! I can do anything! Have confidence!

4:30 pm

I just finished reading "Transitions." It's a very motivating book. And motivation is something that I need right now. I need to know that I'm doing the right thing. I need to trust myself and my instincts. I need to focus on what I want -- what makes me happy. I want to retreat now, but I mustn't. I have to continue forward. It's so hard for me to be focused. I get distracted so easily. Even while writing this, I stop and think of other things. I think, "There's so much to do," but I don't do it! I have to remember to take one step at a time. It's a process. There won't be one thing that will solve all my problems. meeting Dave on the plane was wonderful, but that was just one step in my journey. "There is no finish line." I've got to keep moving forward, not back. Don't stop in the middle of the road while crossing. You'll end up like the poor confused squirrel. Road kill. Yes, you can do it, Mike. You will be successful. But it will take both time and energy. No shortcuts allowed!


10:45 pm

I'm stoned in Spain! Listening to Billy Bragg! Life is good. I just wish my friends could be here to experience this. I just called Alyssa. I can't wait for people to get my letters 10 days later. I want to share the excitement! I've been really up this evening. I know things will continue to be great. (The train is rumbling beneath me.) I like this "New England" that I've found. One of the reasons I chose the Costa del Sol was because of it's high English population. I have the experience of living in England without the dreary weather! God, it makes sense, doesn't it? Choose the best of all worlds! Maybe we're all destined for something. The question is: will you realize it and go get it? Follow your bliss! I can't think of anywhere else I should be right now than in Torreblanca del Sol, Spain, overlooking the Mediterranean, stoned, listening to Billy Bragg -- and recording it for posterity. My apartment is over "the club" and they're being pretty noisy tonight! It's the "real" bar in the pueblo. They have a TV, pool tables, etc. But Dave and Gitta's place, "La Posada," has character. An Anglo-Spanish "Cheers." I wish I had a camcorder. That's what I need to pursue next. Go out and get it, Mike! Have faith. It will work. You'll make it work! You have in the past. Fate is guiding you. Let the creativity flow. Be entrepreneurial. Find a void and fill it. It can work. You've got the skills, the common sense, the people skills. Sounds easy, doesn't it? It's the self-confidence that's the hardest part. That's what I need to work on to make it happen. I have to truly BELIEVE this pep talk I've written. Read this over and over and over!!


11:00 pm

I wonder if I lived in England in a former life. I have such a strong feeling for Victorian England. Dickens. Mary Poppins. Maurice. I just love it. I must have lived it. I think I was fairly successful. I can see myself in top hat and tails, lamb chop sideburns, walking briskly through the winter's cold. Or maybe it was just a movie I saw once. Or maybe "A Christmas Carol" in high school really influenced me. It's fascinating. // I need to call Lark tomorrow. I never got ahold of her before I left. I try to imagine my friends' reactions when they receive my letters. I hope they're so excited. I hope I can convey some of the excitement I'm experiencing! It's too much for one person. It has to flow over to them. // I want to be an entertainer. A musician, maybe. Or an actor. Or a politician. I want to be in the limelight. I want people to admire me. This is very heady stuff. It shocks me that I'm writing it. It's really revealing something about me to myself. Maybe a writer, eh?

7:00 pm

I felt really down today. Missing people. Feeling lonely. So I went for a walk to sit in the sun and read. Just 1/4 mile up the road from here is a gorgeous spot to watch the sun set over the mountains. This place is incredible. As I was sitting there, reading, along comes this horse up the lane, panting. He stopped by, I petted him and he was on his way. Very peculiar. Very different. Yes, this place is that. Very different. I found an English-language radio station. Music's not as good as Canal Sur Uno, but at least I can understand the news. I went to the market in Arroyo de la Miel today. I bought a ton of onions, potatoes, garlic and oranges. Haven't figured out kilograms, yet! I'll never eat them all. Well, maybe the oranges. I wish I had a TV with Sky TV. The Winter Olympics begin tomorrow. Never satisfied, am I? I looked at some of the villas with fantastic views and thought that would be cool. the smell of burning wood is heavy in the air around here. It's very nice. It's a magical place. I saw an ad for camcorder rentals in the paper. I need to check it out. I'm sure it's expensive, but it would be a good way to see if there's any interest. I could put an ad in the paper or something. Man, I have this obsession to work! No. Rather to make money! I know I need to in order to stay here. And I really want to stay. I've been looking at ads for apartments to rent and even to buy. Perhaps some day. I'm really antsy. So many thoughts are going through my head. Should I take the $10,000 from the sale of dad's house (when/if it ever comes) and "go for it" over here? Buy video equipment, a Macintosh and try to set up a business (albeit illegal)? Should I pursue teaching English? Expo '92? The Olympics don't appeal to me right now. I'm only supposed to stay in Spain for 6 months of each year, but hell, they didn't even stamp my passport. I'm not even officially here! They did take my landing card, though. It'd be a drag to get things rolling and then get thrown out of the country! Ah, but Mike, let fate take control. It'll happen. It'll work out. Believe!!

10:00 am

I had some rather strange dreams last night. in one, I was getting ready to move to Spain. I was at my dad's house trying to get everything sorted out. I had forgotten about this or that. I was panicking. Similar to real life, actually! But then I had to run to school -- I think it was Bishop Foley -- to finish some things. I was directing a play and our rehearsal area wasn't available. I was leaving that day, but the play wasn't until the weekend. I gave all the kids hugs. Then I was backstage at another play. I think I had just returned from Spain. Donna, Maureen Zack, Sari Shapiro and Janet Savoy were there. I still didn't know who had gone on to second interviews fro my job, but there wasn't time to ask. Everything was so rushed! All three dreams were very hectic. Last night was Gitta's birthday party. It was fun. There was a Spanish couple, Paco and Loli, and their little girl, Veronica who was singing and dancing flamenco all night. Gitta told Loli that I spoke Spanish, so my skills were tried. I don't think I did very well. But she was very nice. When introduced, she came over, shook my hand and offered her cheek for me to kiss. I didn't quite expect that, and said, "Gracias" or something! But now I know the custom for the future! There was a retired British couple there, too. Barbara and Wally. Everyone's so nice. I met a neighbor yesterday while we were on our terraces. I'd love to stay here. Even though there aren't people my age! I'll have to meet some of the Spanish guys who play basketball on the Paseo. Or those who play tennis near here. Oh, another dream I had involved my friends here. They somehow had gotten ahold of my letters and translated then into Spanish for me. How strange.