4:30 pm

I just finished reading "Transitions." It's a very motivating book. And motivation is something that I need right now. I need to know that I'm doing the right thing. I need to trust myself and my instincts. I need to focus on what I want -- what makes me happy. I want to retreat now, but I mustn't. I have to continue forward. It's so hard for me to be focused. I get distracted so easily. Even while writing this, I stop and think of other things. I think, "There's so much to do," but I don't do it! I have to remember to take one step at a time. It's a process. There won't be one thing that will solve all my problems. meeting Dave on the plane was wonderful, but that was just one step in my journey. "There is no finish line." I've got to keep moving forward, not back. Don't stop in the middle of the road while crossing. You'll end up like the poor confused squirrel. Road kill. Yes, you can do it, Mike. You will be successful. But it will take both time and energy. No shortcuts allowed!


10:45 pm

I'm stoned in Spain! Listening to Billy Bragg! Life is good. I just wish my friends could be here to experience this. I just called Alyssa. I can't wait for people to get my letters 10 days later. I want to share the excitement! I've been really up this evening. I know things will continue to be great. (The train is rumbling beneath me.) I like this "New England" that I've found. One of the reasons I chose the Costa del Sol was because of it's high English population. I have the experience of living in England without the dreary weather! God, it makes sense, doesn't it? Choose the best of all worlds! Maybe we're all destined for something. The question is: will you realize it and go get it? Follow your bliss! I can't think of anywhere else I should be right now than in Torreblanca del Sol, Spain, overlooking the Mediterranean, stoned, listening to Billy Bragg -- and recording it for posterity. My apartment is over "the club" and they're being pretty noisy tonight! It's the "real" bar in the pueblo. They have a TV, pool tables, etc. But Dave and Gitta's place, "La Posada," has character. An Anglo-Spanish "Cheers." I wish I had a camcorder. That's what I need to pursue next. Go out and get it, Mike! Have faith. It will work. You'll make it work! You have in the past. Fate is guiding you. Let the creativity flow. Be entrepreneurial. Find a void and fill it. It can work. You've got the skills, the common sense, the people skills. Sounds easy, doesn't it? It's the self-confidence that's the hardest part. That's what I need to work on to make it happen. I have to truly BELIEVE this pep talk I've written. Read this over and over and over!!


11:00 pm

I wonder if I lived in England in a former life. I have such a strong feeling for Victorian England. Dickens. Mary Poppins. Maurice. I just love it. I must have lived it. I think I was fairly successful. I can see myself in top hat and tails, lamb chop sideburns, walking briskly through the winter's cold. Or maybe it was just a movie I saw once. Or maybe "A Christmas Carol" in high school really influenced me. It's fascinating. // I need to call Lark tomorrow. I never got ahold of her before I left. I try to imagine my friends' reactions when they receive my letters. I hope they're so excited. I hope I can convey some of the excitement I'm experiencing! It's too much for one person. It has to flow over to them. // I want to be an entertainer. A musician, maybe. Or an actor. Or a politician. I want to be in the limelight. I want people to admire me. This is very heady stuff. It shocks me that I'm writing it. It's really revealing something about me to myself. Maybe a writer, eh?

7:00 pm

I felt really down today. Missing people. Feeling lonely. So I went for a walk to sit in the sun and read. Just 1/4 mile up the road from here is a gorgeous spot to watch the sun set over the mountains. This place is incredible. As I was sitting there, reading, along comes this horse up the lane, panting. He stopped by, I petted him and he was on his way. Very peculiar. Very different. Yes, this place is that. Very different. I found an English-language radio station. Music's not as good as Canal Sur Uno, but at least I can understand the news. I went to the market in Arroyo de la Miel today. I bought a ton of onions, potatoes, garlic and oranges. Haven't figured out kilograms, yet! I'll never eat them all. Well, maybe the oranges. I wish I had a TV with Sky TV. The Winter Olympics begin tomorrow. Never satisfied, am I? I looked at some of the villas with fantastic views and thought that would be cool. the smell of burning wood is heavy in the air around here. It's very nice. It's a magical place. I saw an ad for camcorder rentals in the paper. I need to check it out. I'm sure it's expensive, but it would be a good way to see if there's any interest. I could put an ad in the paper or something. Man, I have this obsession to work! No. Rather to make money! I know I need to in order to stay here. And I really want to stay. I've been looking at ads for apartments to rent and even to buy. Perhaps some day. I'm really antsy. So many thoughts are going through my head. Should I take the $10,000 from the sale of dad's house (when/if it ever comes) and "go for it" over here? Buy video equipment, a Macintosh and try to set up a business (albeit illegal)? Should I pursue teaching English? Expo '92? The Olympics don't appeal to me right now. I'm only supposed to stay in Spain for 6 months of each year, but hell, they didn't even stamp my passport. I'm not even officially here! They did take my landing card, though. It'd be a drag to get things rolling and then get thrown out of the country! Ah, but Mike, let fate take control. It'll happen. It'll work out. Believe!!

10:00 am

I had some rather strange dreams last night. in one, I was getting ready to move to Spain. I was at my dad's house trying to get everything sorted out. I had forgotten about this or that. I was panicking. Similar to real life, actually! But then I had to run to school -- I think it was Bishop Foley -- to finish some things. I was directing a play and our rehearsal area wasn't available. I was leaving that day, but the play wasn't until the weekend. I gave all the kids hugs. Then I was backstage at another play. I think I had just returned from Spain. Donna, Maureen Zack, Sari Shapiro and Janet Savoy were there. I still didn't know who had gone on to second interviews fro my job, but there wasn't time to ask. Everything was so rushed! All three dreams were very hectic. Last night was Gitta's birthday party. It was fun. There was a Spanish couple, Paco and Loli, and their little girl, Veronica who was singing and dancing flamenco all night. Gitta told Loli that I spoke Spanish, so my skills were tried. I don't think I did very well. But she was very nice. When introduced, she came over, shook my hand and offered her cheek for me to kiss. I didn't quite expect that, and said, "Gracias" or something! But now I know the custom for the future! There was a retired British couple there, too. Barbara and Wally. Everyone's so nice. I met a neighbor yesterday while we were on our terraces. I'd love to stay here. Even though there aren't people my age! I'll have to meet some of the Spanish guys who play basketball on the Paseo. Or those who play tennis near here. Oh, another dream I had involved my friends here. They somehow had gotten ahold of my letters and translated then into Spanish for me. How strange.

10:00 am

Here I am again, feeling like I should be doing something. Well I am. I'm enjoying breakfast in the sunshine on the terrace. Why do I think I need to be reading or writing, too? I have a need to do more than one thing at a time. Enjoying breakfast with my thoughts should be good enough!

8:30 pm

I figured out a new budget. I can live on what I have until the end of April. Three months. Then I'll have to find work of get out of here. Why am I thinking about this already? Can't I just enjoy what I have right now? Why the concern for the future? Things will happen as they happen. Doris Day sang it best. Que será, será. I might even get tired of this after three months. I'm already antsy. No TV, no newspapers, few friends, no dog. I'm glad Minka and Lady are part of the group. But really, at times I'm just restless. I don't feel like reading -- it's too cold in here anyway. I must get the heater fixed. I do like listening to the Canal Sur Uno radio station. Good mix of British, American and Spanish pop and new music. I probably should read the "Teaching English" book that I have. there I go again. Trying to work when I should just be experiencing this "neutral zone." I miss my friends! Yow. Only gone 4 days. It was sunny and 70° today. I hope that keeps up. But it still gets cold at night. I froze last night. I even slept with my clothes on and 3 blankets! I feel good today, though, even without much sleep.

12:40 pm

One of the things I enjoy so much about Dave and Gitta, as well as the others I met last night, is that they're so real. It's cute the way Dave teases Gitta and she's embarrasses by his actions. Like when he put on Dweezil Zappa after we were listening to the very soothing sounds of Out of Africa. I, of course, wanted to hear Dweezil, but Gitta thought it was not appropriate and begged Dave not to put it on. And just joking about farting from the lentils and talking about feeling fat. It was just like being with my friends. They are my friends. Perhaps, I even knew them in a past life. I'll take a walk to Fuengirola today and come back for a drink at the bar.

1:30 am

I have to write! It's been just over 24 hours since I left Detroit and already my life has changed so much! I met this guy, Dave, on the flight to Málaga. I was supposed to sit by this fat woman, but Dave agreed to change seats so she could sit by her husband. I found out he was a tour manager. He knows Ozzy Osborne, Duran Duran, Wham, Elton John, Led Zeppelin, Dave Edmunds, Jeff Beck, Adam Ant, Level 42 and Frank Zappa! He was coming back from seeing frank in California after an aborted tour with Ymengme Malmsteen. Anyway, we were talking on the plane about my decision to move to Málaga. He was very supportive. Said he knew I would do well, etc. It was so nice to hear that. He said he truly believed in fate and that he was meant to sit by me to encourage me! Maude! I told him about Maude and the movie "Harold and Maude." He said the only other time he switched seats on a plane was to save a guy's life. The drummer on the Wham tour in China was possessed and stabbed himself on the plane to Beijing, but Dave pulled the knife out! Anyway, he asked if I was staying in Málaga and I said I think so. He talked about how smarmy it can be and was thinking (I think) about having me stay in Torreblanca with him and his Norwegian girlfriend, Gitta. But he didn't -- yet. Near landing he told me to take a good look out the window because I was embarking on a great adventure in my life. Hell yes, I was! I asked him for his address so we could keep in touch and he said he could find me a place in Torreblanca for $60 a week! I, of course, accepted! Gitta, Dave, their dog, Minka and I drove back down the Costa del Sol highway and stopped at a German pub in Fuengirola. Had a couple of drinks and went back to their place. While Gitta prepared "dinner" -- open-faced sandwiches -- Dave and I went to get some champagne from their bar. Did I mention they own a bar?!? It's a tiny place overlooking the Mediterranean. I was so stunned. It was incredible. Just perfect! So we had a beer and talked. He showed me his Frank Zappa and Level 42 pictures. Gitta eventually had to came up to get us. We went back to their apartment and had some food and wine. It was so nice! I still can't believe it all happened! Then they took me up to their friend's place (he's in Saudi Arabia.) This place is paradise! Oh, I forgot. Dave's a healer. He's into crystals and stuff. We talked about that for a while, too. I hope the future stacks up to the present!


8:00 pm

I wandered about town a bit today. Bought some groceries. Found the train station -- only $35.00 for a monthly train pass including Málaga and back. I could really stay here instead of living in Málaga for the 4 week class. We'll see. I called Bettie and Matt. I told Matt all about Dave and Gitta. I'm about to go down to a party at their place. How cool! Fate has control of my life. I'm just going along for the ride. And enjoying it!