1:50 am

It's great when things "happen." Yes, sometimes you have to make them happen. They don't happen when you stay home every night! Elisabeth invited me to a fiesta tonight. Turns out there was none, but we went downtown instead. On her moto. I forgot how fun it can be! The great music at Casa del Conde. The music I remember from Salsa in February-April. At Salsa, I ran into not one, but two people I knew Karen, from England, who's back in Málaga on holiday. And Antonio, the friend of Barbara's. I told him I was working now, but didn't have many friends here now. He took my work number and said he'd call me for the Feria. How cool! So much can happen if you "just do it." And to think I was planning my escape earlier. I still don't know if I can last past November, but we'll see. Friends would make the difference. I was drying my hierba on the terrace today. The bowl got knocked over and I had to retrieve the marijuana leaves from the suelo. Goofy. I bought a TV today. Yay! I feel like a human being again. Watched a bit of "Alf" and "Moonlighting." In Spanish, of course! I think it will prove to be worth the $220 investment. Hey, I'm getting pretty excited about the Democrats' chances this November. Wouldn't that be great? I do feel sorry I'm missing it, though!

3:50 pm

I know I shouldn't let things get to me. But I'm not so thick-skinned. Yesterday, I was talking to Elisabeth about the future. I said that I have no idea what I'll do. One day I think one thing, the next, another. I said I plan to stay here until April or May and go back to the States and take classes for a Master's in the fall. But, I added, ask me tomorrow and things may have changed. Today, after getting frustrated again at work, I want to run away again. I think that I'm wasting my life here. I'm struggling financially, socially, professionally. If I were offered my job back at Bloomfield Hills, I'd take it. I know I have to stick it out. I am learning Spanish. Slowly.


11:30 pm

This is my life. I'm sleeping on an "army cot." All my possessions in an apartment the size of a dorm room. The shower is so small that my back rubs against the shower curtain because of the placement of the hot water tank on the wall. I have to turn it on 20 minutes before I take a shower so it'll be warm enough. And, of course, water goes everywhere. I have to mop up after every shower! And the sink leaks. I have to tell the manager. How do you say that in Spanish? The stove was acting up this morning. Gas kinda exploded when I lit the burner. Endearing qualities of this place. I sleep with a can of Raid by my bed. They've never heard of screens here.

Elisabeth brought me some marijuana leaves from María. How fun! Yes, I feel okay now, but it's only after a couple of glasses of red, red wine. Makes me forget. I managed to write a few more postcards and letters. Over 30 so far! I do have a lot of friends. And I am thankful for that. And yet, I feel very lonely. Strange life. But I live strange. It's so hot tonight. I took a cool shower, but I don't know if I'll be able to sleep. I've been sleeping with wet towels - literally. I want to work early tomorrow to beat the heat. It was hell from 4:30 - 8:00 pm today. ¡Que calor! What an experience life is! Choose wisely. Don't be afraid to change your mind, though. Every day, every person, is an adventure. ¡Solamente hazlo!

12:40 am

La, la, la. Not much of a day. By the time I got out to Fuengirola, it was 12:30. And I had to catch the 2:15 train back. They don't have the flea market there on Saturdays anymore. So I laid on the beach a while. The water is much cleaner there. But not worth the 550 pesetas round trip train fare. Summer weekend rates! Paco and I videotaped a wedding today. Didn't use lights. It'll probably look like shit. Herbert'll be pissed. Bernardo too. Fuck 'em. I'm not taking this job seriously. I want to go to the flea market in Málaga tomorrow and maybe ride into the mountains. Don't feel like going to Donde tonight and have no other offers!

4:15 am

I had such a good time tonight. But I must admit, I'm glad to be home in bed now. ¡Que sueño! Elisabeth yelled up to me at 11:00 pm and asked if I wanted to go out with her and other neighbors. I had been planning to go out, but I didn't know if I'd go to the gay disco or Donde or not. We went to a flamenco concert in El Palo. It was fantastic! I guess I'd have to compare it to American blues. Torch songs, really. Lots of emotion, and the audience really gets into it. Rafael, the friend of Kiko and Danny, was there, too. We talked all night. In fact, I spoke nothing but Spanish all night. How fantastic! Afterwards, we went to a small bar near here. A very nice night. I didn't spend any money, either! Tonight I felt I was really absorbing the Spanish culture. I think Elisabeth and I were the only guiries at the flamenco. Rafael's a nice guy. Maybe there's romance in the future. The really cute guy that lives next to Fernando was there, too. I thought he was British, but he's Spanish! Didn't seem gay tonight. At least now I can talk to him. The older woman above Annelies, Matilde, was there, too. We've always exchanged "holas" but never really talked before. This is a great neighborhood. I'm feeling so much better about "things" right now.

2:20 am

I had to write. Not that I could sleep, what with all the clanging. I guess the Virgen de Carmen is returning to her church. What a surreal night. A mini-Semana Santa. Now I'm sitting in bed, listening to Ella and Louis as I try to record everything. So I took a bike ride to El Palo this evening to buy some UM-2 (C) batteries for my speakers. I came across a large throng of people lining the streets. I ran into 2 girls I knew, Christiana and I can't remember the other one's name. They said it was some procession for the patron virgin of the fishermen. Yeah, right, whatever. Anyway, Lorenzo and Ingeborg from Alhambra Instituto were there, too. I stuck around for the mini-procession. The Virgin was hoisted by about 40 guys. Little girls dressed in their flamenco dresses were all around. I heard they were transporting the virgin to a boat, but I didn't wait to witness the final outcome. I had batteries to buy! However, on the way back home, I ran into "Jeckel and Hyde" De. (You never know if she'll be hot or cold.) This time she was very talky. I told her of my shit going on at work. A German couple she knows stopped to chat with us also. Then we noticed a gathering of people all around us. And before we knew it, there again was the virgin herself! How did she get to Pedregalejo? Anyway, this time I did stay to see her loaded onto the rowboat, flowers and lights adorning it. Other boats, similarly decorated, lit the evening with red flares, and fell in behind the Virgin on a nautical journey. I went home. Around midnight, I went back to El Palo, where there was a band playing out beyond the carnival that was set up on the beachfront. Oh, how I love carnivals! I thought of the Blue Water Festival! Algodon dulce! Anyway, I ran into Yop and his father. He left soon because they're going to Expo in Sevilla tomorrow. I loved watching the little girls dancing the Sevillanas. Incredible. I have to re-learn how to dance that! After a very frustrating 10 minutes of trying to get a beer (I hate having to learn how to be RUDE!), I went to Donde. Along the way, I couldn't help noticing all the activity at the restaurants and the little kids still going strong at 1:30 am. Spain! The stamina of Spaniards is incredible.

(Had to take a short break to "Raid" the bugs.)

So then I ran into De and Ingra at Donde. De was pretty rude to me. I'm not sure what her problem is. I saw Manolo there, too. He remembered that I had gone home to mi país, but thought it was Germany - and then half a dozen other European countries before I told him I was American. He was surprised. I don't sound like an American, he said. He's probably comparing me to De. She is a true embarrassment hearing her speak Spanish! So anyway, on the way home from Donde I ran into the Virginal procession again. Men marching with oars. Some really strange stuff. Along the beachfront restaurants were occasional shrines to the virgin. The processioneers would yell out, "¡Viva la Virgen de Carmen!," and the crowd would yell, "¡Viva!" "¡Arriba la Virgen de Carmen!" "¡Arriba!" Then they would mumble something very quickly and everyone said, "Guapa. Guapa. ¡Guapa, guapa, guapa!" in a chant-like fashion. So many stimuli here!

// "Moonlight in Vermont" is playing. It's almost 3 am and I have to work tomorrow! 'Night! Hey! I think I needed this day. It picked me up out of my depression. (Somewhat)

// I have to credit De with a good line tonight. All night we've been hearing loud blasts of fireworks, but couldn't see anything. De and I were yelling to each other from our terraces. She said it's typical Spain, "You hear it, but you don't see it." Yeah, they promise you the world, but rarely follow through.

10:00 pm

Stoned again, naturally. Stoned Alone! The current films playing in my mind. I got stoned with Herbert at work. Not "out of your mind" stoned. But enough. He's a really interesting guy. He's from Uruguay. He's a drummer in a jazz band. Lives down the coast in Marbella. I think he's a friend of Jesús Gil, the politician. Seems like there's a lot of past lives in him. Anyway, I wish I could talk to him more. So much of what he says to me I miss. I got paid today. Only $800, not $1400. I'll have to fight for that money. It's what we agreed to. Herbert says I'll get paid $800/month at most. I'll have to think about finding other work. I was so depressed today. I want to get out of Spain. Don't know where I'll go exactly. I called Matt today, while stoned. I said, "Matt, I'm stoned!" He whispered, "I'm at work!" I said, "That's the best part, so am I!" I miss having my friends to hang out with. Lonely, lonely. Yeah, I'm in Spain. So what? I'm not with my friends! Wait a minute. I think Herbert told me that one month out of the year, he does nothing but sit and smoke 3/4 kilo of pot. Now, I did some rough calculations. Is that an ounce a day? He sounds like he has a good life. // I'm reading about such fun things, such as (I think) John Sununu getting booed off the Democratic Convention floor while working for CNN. Funny stuff. People seem to think the Dems have a chance. The party's over for George Bush. They have been, of course, going directly to the center with the platform. Don't rock no boats now! But, they need to do what they need to do to get elected. Then they can change their minds like all good politicians.

GOD, I LOVE MUSIC! I have Laurie Anderson in my ears! I haven't really jammed with my music much yet. I still don't have batteries for the speakers I bought for the CD player. I've been using the little speakers, but now I have the headphones on! Great. I'm sitting on the terrace. This should be paradise, Mike. You can make it paradise, y'know. You just have to "get back in there, boy!" Experience life. Remember Maude! Oh, yeah! That's right. Donna had asked me if I were able to contact her. She said that Maude would love to know what I'm doing. True. I wish I could contact her. Man, you can hear so much more music when you have speakers in your ears. Or when you're stoned. But BOTH is almost musical overload! I probably shouldn't have it on so loud. My ears are bad enough already.

Shit. I could be in Minneapolis tomorrow night picking up the NFLCP award for BHC. But that's half-a-world and a lifetime away from me now. Sad in a way. "What next, Big Sky?" I know a lot of people envy me. But they don't know about the down side. The lonely times. The frustrating time!

11:00 pm

I'm still feeling very confused about the job and all. Still haven't gotten my check. ¡Mañana! Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should still look into freelance opportunities. Somewhere I can make some real money. Maybe further down the costa. Of course, now would be the time. Tourist season. Vamos a ver. I just want things to keep falling into my lap. I didn't work this afternoon. Nothing to do! So I went to the beach instead. That would be the life. Working from 9 - 2:30. Or perhaps 3 - 9 pm. I am getting used to taking a siesta in the afternoon. It's going in to work twice a day that I don't like. Oh, I found out that basically, Mitchell and Andrés are out. Great. Maybe Mitchell and I could start a side business. There's still teaching English. Ingra, one of the Dutch girls, is teaching English! That should be easy enough. Time to diversify. I miss Annelies. She's still in Holland. I've been extremely anti-social lately. Not doing nothing with no one. I took a bike ride around town tonight. Into some really nice areas -- Miramar and Limonar. Looked like Beverly Hills. I rode along the beach and saw the moon rise over the sea. How romantic. How lonely.