Saturday, March 14, 1992
The fiesta last night was all right, but it could've been better. Should've played more games. Andre is so damn cute when he's in the spotlight. Actually, I think he's pretty cute when he's out of it, too. Especially when he's feeling out of things and seems very vulnerable. God, I love that vulnerability. Went to Salsa. Yeah, yeah. Same old. We tried to go to a disco, but it cost $6.00 to get in. I danced a while with María José. She's always trying to get me out of my shell. Bless her little heart. Joaquin said we'd talk video Monday. I thought of going out to a gay bar at 4:00 when we were leaving Salsa. I could've done it easily enough. But I didn't I'm really starting to hate this being in the closet again. It really is pretty ridiculous after all these years. What am I so afraid of? The big "R." Rejection. But I don't feel "into" the group now anyway. Because I can't be honest about who I am. Shit. Scheizkoft. Going to the beach today. Weather's been absolutely gorgeous lately!