Tuesday, February 25, 1992

(Tuesday) 12:10 am 25 February 1992

Weather still sucks. It rained most of the day today. I hate it. I'm really sick, too. Bad cough and I'm always congested. Now my stomach's bothering me. I went out and bought an electric heater today. It's great. I'll finally have a good night's sleep! I really need to be more outgoing. Get to know people better. Meet more people. A lot of our group is leaving at the end of next week already! How sad. The girls came over after class and we played cards. It was a nice thing to do on a rainy afternoon. Tonight, Andre, Tim and I ate together. That was nice, too. I went out to Bolivia to watch Andre, Ronnie and Jorg play pool. That's where I was feeling lack of potential. I should be talking to Jorg. I should be playing pool, not watching. I should be meeting people, practicing my Spanish. But I just sit there. And it's frustrating being next to Andre like that. I can try to blame it on being sick, but I really need to take control. I'm settling in again. Getting really comfortable -- lazy. I'm not challenging myself.

9:00 pm

I've been down lately. I've been sick, the weather's been bad, but it's also that I'm really missing people. I've been thinking a lot about Bob Johnson. Wondering if there's a future for us. Together, I mean! I think it's fallout from the disappointment I feel about Andre. I guess I'm feeling frustrated and lonely. Maybe thinking about Bob will make things better. Or worse. I don't know. I'm feeling a bit left out here, too. I'm not participating in class. Steffi's brother and sister are staying here and everyone was speaking German. I say it doesn't bother me, but of course, it does to some extent. I hate feeling left out. Like an outsider. Like I usually do. Yeah, yeah. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Mike. I suppose I've come to the point of a letdown from the initial high. Things are not so "new" anymore. They're a bit routine now. At least the weather was nice today. Sat out on the terrace for a while.

11:50 pm

The others went out to Bolivia. I stayed home. I still don't feel well. My stomach hurts. Of course, I haven't really eaten anything today. We were playing Pictionary, earlier. It's pretty fun playing with an international group. they don't know many of the words. And of course, Andre is funny as usual. And the running joke is drawing Denmark and going on from there. Mette started that when trying to do Siberia! We played "Saugatuck rules" Uno yesterday - a speed version some friends of mine made up. Both Tim and Andre and the other girls have said that they don't like Jeannet so much. That bothers me. Of course, I get along fine with her. I hate to think of people being left out. I don't like not having a telephone. I meant to call Bob tonight, but now I'm in bed and I'm not going out. I need to write more letters, too.

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