10:30 pm

Yowzie! I'm watching the closing of Expo '92 live from Sevilla. I was wishing I had recorded it somehow -- to show people what Expo was like. And I'm thinking of how I could describe everything. Of course, I can't. There's no way to relate all the sights and sounds, the sensations of everything. The water/laser show just finished for the 180-something-th time. How do you describe it? I can't even try. Shit. I want to try, but can't start. Sensory overload. Makes me think of telling people about my experience in Spain. So much to say. No possible way to tell it all. Perhaps my time here has paralleled Expo '92. How fitting that I'm leaving shortly after its closing. The King is speaking now. Giving the closing address. What a busy year for him. All the speeches, all the visiting dignitaries because of Expo and the Olympics. What a year for Spain! And to think I was here to take it all in. Curro. Cobi. Now history. And today, the 500th anniversary of Columbus' landing. All behind us now. What an incredible year it's been for Spain. For me! And tomorrow -- an hour from now -- my 30th birthday. What lies ahead? (I just heard there wasn't a single robbery reported at Expo. Can that be true?) I can't believe it's over. Expo. My time here in Málaga. My twenties. All behind me now. What to look forward to now? Cartuja '93? Costa Rica? Thirty-something? Wow. I'm sitting here thinking I can do anything with my life. So many options! So many possibilities! It's really incredible, isn't it? To not have ni puta idea where I'll be in three months. Incredible! (I'm watching a movie in which Rutger Hauer is pursuing some A-rabs, in full A-rab dress, in a factory. Strange thing is: it resembles a dream I once had.) Elisabeth and I saw a great Spanish film called, "Jamón, Jamón" tonight. Typically Spanish. In the style of Pedro Almódovar. Bizarre. I was so pleased to find I understood probably 90% of it. And by speaking Spanish all weekend with Frank and Annelies, I feel I'm really close to fluency. But I have to continue it. That's why I'm thinking of Costa Rica. Or Barcelona. Those are two leading contenders right now. What the hell? Why not do it? I've really realized that you have to "go for it" in life. I'm so glad I'm high. I love to write -- really just think -- when I'm high. And to observe and reflect on the world. On so many topics. I'm just fascinated. But I wonder if anyone else will clue in? Could they ever understand all that I'm trying to record? Doubtful, no?

I wish I could record the video things I see on television. They're showing a Málaga documentary on the community TV station. It would be a great thing to show my family and friends. "My town." Of course, they wouldn't understand the narration! I love TV! Oh shit. Joder. Here I go again loving everything. Like I wrote about last time I was stoned.

You know, when I think a lot about Spain, or when I do things like going up to the mountains this weekend, I think I need to come back to Spain. There's so much more to discover! But still... Not to Málaga. I still need to push ahead. I can't be stagnant. That's why Barcelona probably has the edge right now. Although Detroit may be a wild card that turns up unexpectedly. What if I stumble upon a great job? Stability still has a strong pull on me. It's funny how I didn't mention a possible relationship keeping me in Detroit. I really don't dwell on those things anymore. It's for the best. Digo yo. Annelies, Frank and I kept saying that all weekend. A little jab at Spanish lexicography. What? Gotta think about that one. Giant leap, huh? After seeing Jamón, Jamón, and reading into it that relationships can really mess up your life, I'm pretty content on going it alone for now. Yes, for now. It's not like I'm "giving up on love." It's just that there's so much more out there. And sometimes relationships get in the way. Well. They at least direct you in different ways. Different caminos. Life. Ain't it grand? I'm so happy all the time these days. Sure, there's the boredom and frustration of work, but there is so much excitement in my life now. I can't give that up, can I? I mean, I don't doubt and second-guess myself like I used to. I'm enjoying new experiences. I'm in control here, as Alexander Haig once said. What a feeling.

Look out! Now I'm listening to Apollo 18 by They Might Be Giants. I'll always remember this summer in Málaga when I hear it. And Strange Angels by Laurie Anderson. My two favorite CDs to get stoned to.

We walked and drove through a lot of cork tree forests today. Pretty neat. I love being in nature. And the mountains. They are incredible, aren't they? And the sea. So powerful. What a terrific combination of so many geographies Andalucía has. A bit wordy, but from the heart. Man. Exactly one year ago I was in the Vegas airport getting my blue Miata convertible. So this is it! I'm actually 30 years old! I'm so excited! To be where I am in life on my 30th birthday. What a surprise! What a fantasy! To be living in Spain as I turn 30. Whoda thunk it?