Saturday, May 2, 1992

12:30 am

I finally wrote a letter to Antonio. I can't believe I haven't written him in the three months that I've been here. That was such a nice experience I had with him. So long ago. So rare. God knows, it's been a long time since something like that has happened. I suppose Brad in Saugatuck would compare. Why don't I have sex more often? Is that a strange question? I guess I don't make myself "available" often. Maybe I'll go out tomorrow night. We only have one Communion on Sunday. I wouldn't have to be 100%. Tonight, I've been drinking wine and listening to David Zasloff and Billy Bragg. Yop told me the other night that he had gotten some hash. I have to pursue him on that. So much sex, so many drugs, all around me. And yet, here I am -- alone. Otra vez. I really do enjoy being by myself, though. Just wish I had an English newspaper or a television and VCR! I feel I have to do everything now here, but it's not true, is it? Yes, you have to live life to the fullest -- Carpe Diem -- but there will always be down times. Rest times. Es necesario. The world is such a funny place. Riots in L.A. Death penalty. Earthquakes. This is what I hear about the USA in the Spanish press. USA Today wrote about the Supreme Court debate on the abortion issue. Is it any wonder I left that country? I really wonder sometimes if I will ever return to live there. So many other possibilities. Such a big world. I want to go to Italy or Greece next. And why not? God, I love Billy Bragg! And Natalie Merchant's voice. Sometimes -- often -- I wish life were perfect. But would it be even more boring then? ("Luego" or "entonces"?) I'm so glad that I have this journal. Everyone should record his/her thoughts throughout life. Listening to "The Internationale" on May Day. Shit. I have to get up for work tomorrow! It's been a nice three month break. But now, there is so much promise for the future. I think Bernardo talked about giving me a contract in July. He tells me that he wants me to be the "expert" of the company. Shit. What an incredible series of events. Must work on the espaƱol. Yes, I must.

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