2:00 am

I had to write. Too many stimuli! You could do quite a case study of this area. From.... The two British guys in the last apartment on the left. They arrived -- one bringing an overnight bag. On my way out, I noticed a candle in the bedroom window and low voices. I wish I had lingered! On the way back, perhaps I did walk by slowly and perhaps I temporarily stopped, just beyond the window, long enough to hear the word "relationship" amongst the low, gravelly rumble, but not quite long enough to hear the gender of the pronouns. To.... Bar Donde. A place that I've been to dozens of times in the past 5 months, the last time being a month ago. I was shocked to recognize not a soul, except the workers. Not even anyone I've seen before. Amazing the turnover rate here. I stayed for a beer and eavesdropped on the basic language groups. English seemed to predominate, edging out Spanish as it usually does. But there still seemed to be a strong German contingent lurking about. I was aloof, alone, just soaking up the atmosphere of this trendy international hotspot. Children of conservatism mingling under the patio palms, discussing such hot topical tropical topics as how hot it was today, what time shall we hit the beach tomorrow, and have you learned that damned subjunctive tense yet?? Yes, pretty as a postcard, and just about as deep. Inside, the ubiquitous fat chicks, excuse me, chicas gordas were getting down to "Good Stuff" on the dance floor. Encircling the bar and in small groups of three, were the singles and singles with couple friends, trying a different approach. Haven't mastered Spanish yet? Shut up and dance! Moving on to.... Walking along the beach. Tried to call Bob, but all circuits were busy. "Spain!" he spat. The moonlight on the Mediterranean, rippling through the unusually warm night. The ubiquitous (can you use that word twice in the same journal entry?) The ever-present couples kissing on the benches along the beach. Magical, really. Why are some people blessed with such beauty? I guess the same reason some people themselves are blessed with beauty. Hmmm. Anyway. Along the main drag -- Juan Sebastián Elcano, the place where real Spaniards like to hang -- hanging they are. Onto each other, out of doorways of cars and bars. So many people! Where do they all come from? What do they do for God's sake? Professional partiers? And finally.... Here alone in my little studio apartment. Well at least it's bigger than De's. I think De's getting a little fed up with my good fortune. "I don't believe it," she says to me. "You go off to America and come back and find a place just like that." I reminded her that 5 weeks ago we were both putting off looking for a place to live. Figured it would all work out in the end. And here we end up neighbors once again! De, teaching English classes, has had to struggle a lot since she came here in January -- about the same time as me. When I tell her about the great job I found the first time I looked in the paper, the friends back home offering me their cars and homes for my visit, the apartments I've found by fate, she says through a clenched smile, "How lucky you are!" I had gone to the apartment manager before I left, inquiring about a place that was becoming vacant. He said I'd have to take my chances on whether it might be available when I came back. Annelies advised me to go ahead and take the apartment -- and pay an extra three weeks' rent -- to assure I would have a place on my return. I rolled the dice and won. Meanwhile De moved in to the smaller apartment, with the hopes of looking at the other (my) place when it was available. I walked in one step ahead. Well, she does pay a little less. Small consolation, I suppose.

Backpedal! So here I am, writing on my apartment terrace, on a hill above the noise of the busy street with the expanse of the Mediterranean beyond. So much happens here! One half-hour excursion results in so many tastes of life. Actually, I was already lying on my bed, so close to closing the day, at 1:00 am. By 2:00, I had gotten cleaned up and dressed, walked out into the candy store of life, experienced a little of this and a whole lotta that, and retreated back into my observation post once again. Just another story of the night.

4:00 pm

Man, I get so lazy. Blame it on the heat. I haven't been working a lot these past days. Not much to do. But I still haven't been paid, so I haven't been able to buy the things I need. And I haven't been cleaning. Haven't gone to the beach. Haven't gone out at night. What the hell have I been doing? I don't know, but I'm kinda enjoying being lazy. I've tried calling Bob a couple of times with no luck. Shit, I miss him. I don't know what the job prospects are for Jenny or Alyssa, but I hope something works out with someone. I met this British guy, David. We haven't talked much. I need to visit Danny and Kiko more. De visited yesterday.

10:00 pm

I'm sitting on my terrace enjoying a beautiful evening. I take in the sight of the harbor and the mountains beyond and I'm intoxicated. I'm also taking in the smell of marijuana wafting up from below. I hope it's coming from Kiko and Danny's. I'd like to get high with them. I miss getting stoned with my friends. I'm reading an anthology of short gay essays. As well as a book on travels to Asia. I wish I could train myself to read more.

I still haven't gotten paid. There's so much that I want to get for the house. I only worked 5 hours today. I'd like to keep it that way. If I could still live off that amount. I've been thinking a lot about Bob. I tried calling him last night, but he wasn't home. I really want him to come here. Life could be so good! Well, life is so good, but it could be even better. Damn mosquitoes. I should've bought some spray. I think I'm going out with Annelies later. She leaves for 3 weeks in Holland tomorrow.

5:30 pm

I'm sick of work already. Probably because a) it's lost its novelty, and b) I don't have much to do right now. Plus, I've got other things to do, like clean my new house and buy things for it. It's really not so bad. Everything fits fine. The terrace is rather big. Annelies will lend me her patio furniture. I love having my music! I can't stand the shower. Pluses, minuses. I had dinner with Annelies last night and afterwards, the gay neighbors were dancing in their living room, so we joined them. How fun! Then I stayed and talked a while. Yay! New friends! Gay friends! I did really well with my Spanish, I think. So much to look forward to here! I need to call people with my new address. I want to talk to Bob! I still haven't been paid yet. They owe me $1400. We haven't talked about my new salary yet. I'm still spending too much money -- $15 for lunch yesterday. I'll think I'll go home for lunch from now on. Only a 10 minute bike ride along the beach! I have to really be careful with my bike. Everybody's really eyeing it! Oh, I ran into Mitchell's cute brother-in-law yesterday. Juan Miguel? He's so nice. Told me he's off to Pamplona for the running of the bulls. I also ran into the bride and groom from Saturday. I'm so bad at names these days. Nice, too. Okay, Danny and Kiko are the guys below me. I met Pinky, Gerald and James on Saturday at Galerna. I work with Herbert. Rafael is Kiko and Danny's friend.

8:20 pm

Wow. Just like last time I arrived in Málaga. So much happened in the first 48 hours! On Saturday, Annelies introduced me to some of her friends. One or two could be gay. They're English and Spanish, all speak both languages. They invited me over for dinner next Saturday night. Should be fun. I went to Mitchell's finca for his brother's postponed wedding reception. I was feeling rather negative about it at first. I felt taken advantage of because he expected me to videotape. And I felt uncomfortable not speaking Spanish well enough. I sat with Andrés' brother and his friends. We didn't talk a lot a first, but after I put the camera down and we all had a few drinks, we became fast friends. I was getting very tired and jumped at the chance to come back to Málaga with Mitchell at 4:00 am. But "the guys" talked me into staying and going out with them. We went to Lemon, but couldn't get in. I met another friend of theirs who is learning English. We agreed to meet today at the beach, but I couldn't find him. I don't even know his name, but he was kinda cute. Lots of potential. Almost all the guys last night were good-looking -- and single. I didn't get in until 7:00 am. Got up at 1:30 pm. But I'm making friends! It's great! I decided to take the apartment here. Annelies and De are here and at least two gay men. That's nice. Once again, things are really looking up. I'm thinking of buying a TV tomorrow. And small speakers for my CD player. Now I'm locked out of Annelies' apartment. I forgot my keys. Frustrating. I just want to be settled in my new place. Although I don't know where I'll fit everything! And I want to get so much more stuff.

10:30 pm

I am fighting hard to stay awake right now. I can't believe how tired I am. But Annelies is washing the floor and I have to wait for it to dry, of course. Shit. It's probably best to stay up, though. Get my body adjusted. I managed all right getting here from the airport. Mitchell wasn't there. In fact, I still haven't gotten ahold of him. I don't especially want to go to his party tomorrow anyway. But I should. Maybe Annelies will go with me. Anyway, I took a taxi to the bottom of the hill where I live and then leapfrogged my baggage up the slope. I looked at a studio apartment available here. It's so small, but it's only $230/month. We'll see. I just want to get settled. And I could stay there for 3 months and then move if Bob, Jenny or Alyssa come. I rode my bike down the beach today. I loved it. Yes, it was worth the hassle!

5:00 pm

I can't believe it's over already. I barely got a chance to write in my journal. I hate that. So much has happened. It's been a fantastic 2 weeks. We had a great party at Karen and Rick's last weekend. Played and played. So much fun. I forgot about how much fun my friends and I have when we're together. I miss them! Everyone was so great to me. I borrowed Barb's and Jane's cars, stayed at Matt & Eli's and Karen & Rick's. They spent so much money on me! Patrick had people over for a barbecue. I really am lucky! And I'm not ready to go back yet. I'm trying my best to get excited about it. But I must admit that I really love this country! The conveniences! Fast food. Shopping. Cars. Television. The easy life. So difficult to walk (or fly) away from. I'm in Chicago now. Waiting. We've been sitting in the plane for 2 1/2 hours, waiting out a storm, and now the long lines of planes ahead of us. I managed to get here from Detroit and run downtown to the Spanish Consulate this morning to get my "working papers." I also have my bicycle in tow. That will be so nice to have in Málaga! And my CDs! I am looking forward to finding an apartment, but I'm anxiety-ridden about the job. So much to do. Pressure. It's always there. Frustration, too. But, I need to go for it! Just Do It! I will succeed! It will be fantastic! Jenny is pretty sure of coming in October. Alyssa wants to come, too. I talked to Bob last night. He's still thinking about it, but didn't sound overly positive. So I continue on - alone. One day at a time. Enjoying the ride. The experiences! I've spent too much money these past two weeks. $1000 on the flight. $200 on clothes. $100 on books. Probably another $100 on other stuff. Oh, $250 on a CD player and CDs. The check for $9000 from my dad's estate has shrunk fast. So I'm not as rich as I had hoped. I hope I can make $2000 - $2500 a month at work. That'd be nice. Mitchell might pick me up at the airport in Málaga. Otherwise, it'll be a major pain to transport my stuff. Sabena Airlines has the worst music selection on the headsets!