Saturday, February 8, 1992

4:30 pm

I just finished reading "Transitions." It's a very motivating book. And motivation is something that I need right now. I need to know that I'm doing the right thing. I need to trust myself and my instincts. I need to focus on what I want -- what makes me happy. I want to retreat now, but I mustn't. I have to continue forward. It's so hard for me to be focused. I get distracted so easily. Even while writing this, I stop and think of other things. I think, "There's so much to do," but I don't do it! I have to remember to take one step at a time. It's a process. There won't be one thing that will solve all my problems. meeting Dave on the plane was wonderful, but that was just one step in my journey. "There is no finish line." I've got to keep moving forward, not back. Don't stop in the middle of the road while crossing. You'll end up like the poor confused squirrel. Road kill. Yes, you can do it, Mike. You will be successful. But it will take both time and energy. No shortcuts allowed!

10:45 pm

I'm stoned in Spain! Listening to Billy Bragg! Life is good. I just wish my friends could be here to experience this. I just called Alyssa. I can't wait for people to get my letters 10 days later. I want to share the excitement! I've been really up this evening. I know things will continue to be great. (The train is rumbling beneath me.) I like this "New England" that I've found. One of the reasons I chose the Costa del Sol was because of it's high English population. I have the experience of living in England without the dreary weather! God, it makes sense, doesn't it? Choose the best of all worlds! Maybe we're all destined for something. The question is: will you realize it and go get it? Follow your bliss! I can't think of anywhere else I should be right now than in Torreblanca del Sol, Spain, overlooking the Mediterranean, stoned, listening to Billy Bragg -- and recording it for posterity. My apartment is over "the club" and they're being pretty noisy tonight! It's the "real" bar in the pueblo. They have a TV, pool tables, etc. But Dave and Gitta's place, "La Posada," has character. An Anglo-Spanish "Cheers." I wish I had a camcorder. That's what I need to pursue next. Go out and get it, Mike! Have faith. It will work. You'll make it work! You have in the past. Fate is guiding you. Let the creativity flow. Be entrepreneurial. Find a void and fill it. It can work. You've got the skills, the common sense, the people skills. Sounds easy, doesn't it? It's the self-confidence that's the hardest part. That's what I need to work on to make it happen. I have to truly BELIEVE this pep talk I've written. Read this over and over and over!!

11:00 pm

I wonder if I lived in England in a former life. I have such a strong feeling for Victorian England. Dickens. Mary Poppins. Maurice. I just love it. I must have lived it. I think I was fairly successful. I can see myself in top hat and tails, lamb chop sideburns, walking briskly through the winter's cold. Or maybe it was just a movie I saw once. Or maybe "A Christmas Carol" in high school really influenced me. It's fascinating. // I need to call Lark tomorrow. I never got ahold of her before I left. I try to imagine my friends' reactions when they receive my letters. I hope they're so excited. I hope I can convey some of the excitement I'm experiencing! It's too much for one person. It has to flow over to them. // I want to be an entertainer. A musician, maybe. Or an actor. Or a politician. I want to be in the limelight. I want people to admire me. This is very heady stuff. It shocks me that I'm writing it. It's really revealing something about me to myself. Maybe a writer, eh?

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