Wednesday, October 7, 1992

9:30 pm

Remember the song, "Birth, School, Work, Death" by, was it "The Godfathers"? Well, I'm listening to it right now. You guessed it! I'm really stoned. Shoot. It's "The Dirtfarmers." I swear, there was a band called "The Godfathers"! Wow! Just think how far Vanessa Williams has come since being crowned Miss America. What if she hadn't won -- was First Runner-Up? Then nobody would've cared about her Penthouse pictures -- or her singing career. Now she's really famous. Much more than Mary Ann Mobily or Lee Merriwether ever were! Ahh. But more famous than Phyllis George? I dunno. Phly was pretty famous in the early '80s. Married to the governor of Kentucky and working on NFL Today. Why am I on this stupid stream of consciousness? The radio! I was just doing a 5 minute interpretive dance to some Celtic music. Thank God my blinds were closed! What will the guys downstairs think? Pound, pound, pound. "Oh there's ol' lightfoot again. Dancin' stoned to Celtic music." Variety. Changes. New experiences. What life's about. Each minute new. A treasure to be used. LIFE! I love life! Indigo Girls. I like 'em. Great harmony. I love music. So interpretive! I think it would be a real drag not to be able to speak English. Think this way. (Psst. Yeah, over here.) Spanish teens are listening to all this R.E.M., Michael Jackson -- whoever. They're all singing English! You wouldn't have a clue what they were singing about. Talk about frustration! Morrisey, Peter Gabriel, Oleta Adams. There are other singers I've been hearing. You just can't dub songs like you can films! I'm glad I'm stoned. It'd been a while. And so much has been happening. David left this morning. Just as Beth was arriving. How fun! I love guests. I always want to live somewhere where my friends -- from all over the world -- will come visit. I mean, you wouldn't stop in on Detroit if you're a Dane or German on his first U.S. visit. But maybe L.A., San Francisco or Miami. Or even Chicago. I love friends! So much I'm loving tonight. It's like this hash is Ecstasy or something. There's a song they play here -- a house song -- that sings, "EcstaSI, EcstaNO!" Lots of techno music in the dance bars here. Rave -- is that what it's called in England? Something like that. Oh I feel so old. Out of it. Old fart! Zowie. I'll be 30 years old in less than a week! I suppose I should write a "recap" of my twenties -- like I review the year each new year. Yeah right! Why bother? It's all here already in my journal. Ten years ago. I remember talking with Jean Ellison how hard it was for me that I was losing my teenage years. That was an emotional birthday for me! Read about it sometime.

I want to impersonate people. Well, what I mean to say is that I want to do so many things. Like dance in a Rave Bar in Manchester -- with proper haircut and clothing, of course. Just once. To be part of that group. Or whatever group. But to know everything about it. I mean, I could go to a Rave Bar in Manchester. But the absorption of the culture takes so long. How comfortable would I be dancing at this bar in Manchester, with Doc Martins and a shaved head, if I didn't know something about this? Or going into some jazz club in New Orleans -- the old-fashioned smoky type in the movies.

"Unos negritos de Filadelfia."
I just heard that on the radio. Talking about some "little black boys." Who are they anyway? "Til the End of the Road" is the song. I'm so out of American pop culture. Oooh. And I miss it! That's scary! I'm still a pretty well-conditioned American. Still miss The Flintstones, Little Caesars, the Free Press, Taco Bell, concerts, CNN, movies in English (videotapes, too), the presidential campaign. I do miss a lot. But then... When I really stop to think about it. "Yes, I miss a lot, but have I missed a lot?" Not really.

Radio Tres Pop is a great radio station. Not quite 89X. But more like Dave Dixon's show on WDET. You never know what to expect. Some great underground music, specials dedicated to the music of Bob Dylan, the Police, or Wilson Philips. Pretty wide variety! Throw in flamenco and Spanish pop music. Great stuff!

Wowsie wow! I was just thinking of cross-referencing my life! If I put this journal on a data base, I could select a topic -- say music -- and I could access journal entries with references to music! Well, I like the idea!

Double whammy! I was just thinking, "I Was a Teenage Censor." I remember my freshman year in college. After taping The Boomtown Rats' "Fine Art of Surfacing" I tried to erase the word "Shit" in the song ... Oh, what was it? About Rhodesia, no? "I was thinkin' they were lucky to be rid of that shit" was the line. Anyway, I kinda missed and it sounded really obvious that I tried to cut it out. Why did I do that? Kwananea!! The Christian Youth group! What did they do to me? Whew! That was close! What if I had really gone over the edge with that religious stuff? Double whew!! I remember going to a Maranatha meeting at MSU my freshman year. Yuck. I was so uncomfortable there. They were all so nice!! Too sugary! Left a bad taste in my mouth.

I was just wondering. How many Top 40 songs deal with love and/or sex? Good percentage, I'd say. Add in songs with a political message, and that's just about 100%, no? Okay, there are other types of songs, but not too many. Oh yeah. I forgot. There's really a lot to write about today. David left, Beth and family arrived. Jenny called. She said she's really happy with her work now. I guess it's a good thing that I decided already to go back -- and take everything. I'm glad I made the decision. You know, I was so determined not to consult people regarding my future. I wanted to do it by myself. Then I did make a decision to go back for good, when a phone call from Jenny turned me around 180°. But I'm back on course -- with the best idea. I'll take my stuff in case I want to stay in the U.S., but leave the door open to come back. Keep those options open! In my heart, I think I won't come back. And it saddens me, of course. I'll be gone from Málaga in a month. Another huge shift in my life. "What next, big sky?" I really don't know where I'll be 3 months from now: Detroit, Málaga, cualquier sitio.

Radio Tres Pop just played a cover of the Human League's "Don't You Want Me, Baby?" by the Farm or something. Now it's "The Blues Will Never Die" by Muddy Waters or someone like that. Pretty wild. "Dig that crazy rain." Woof! Big mood swing. Now I'm thinking of how repressed my emotions are.


Joel stopped by. I have a pretty wild assortment of friends, don't I? I love my friends. I was pretty startled to be disturbed while I was so stoned. But I guess I've come down quite a bit. Joel and I had a nice "chat." I wonder if he's interested in me. Oh well. I'll be gone in a month.

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